Managing access

We're all for birth family contact. You'll find a number of posts on this blog stating that. The child needs to know his or her relatives. Reality is good. Much better than speculation or ignorance.

But it can be hard.

Sometimes it can trigger a reaction in your child in care that leaves you bemused. They don't understand it, you weren't there and can only guess at what the impact is. There is little meaningful information available from that time.

We've seen children regress post-access. They exhibit behaviours of the much younger child. They act out.

We don't profess to know all the solutions - these children are individuals and unique. But here's what's worked for us: we don’t play. We move calmly on. We continue with our routines and normal practices. When a child is older, we might give them a look, we might even make a comment. If you can a conversation, of course, about how the child feels after access is valuable.

Interestingly, our single minded trudge through post-access weeks has worked with the children in our care. It's as if we are saying to them 'yes, we know this is hard, we know it takes some time for you to work through it and feel ok again, so we'll just continue as normal until you are ready'. Our adherence to routine shows the child that nothing changes as a result of access visits.

The children in our care need to learn that change can actually be good. But it's often a long road.