training
Details on children kept from foster carers
01/10/2009 23:01
‘Thousands of foster carers are welcoming children into their homes without being given the full facts about the children’s past, including whether they were victims of abuse’.
We put the link to this Times Online (UK) article on Twitter, and quickly got a response:
11:25pm, Sep 17 from Web
feeling this first hand
The report came from Fostering Network, which represents 43,000 carers in Britain. A couple of court rulings had opened the door for local authorities to be sued if they didn’t meet their duty of care to foster families.
The statistics were blunt – more than 51% of carers in the UK say that they have been given inadequate information about a child in their care, which has put themselves, their own children and even the foster child at risk. A full 30% weren’t told about the child’s medical requirements, 50% were not informed about a history of abuse, and 75% said that they were not made aware of the child’s general behaviour.
This is not an uncommon problem. In the early years it may be critical to understanding the child’s behaviour and health, and as they get older it may be essential to help them understand their past and their birth family.
When the turnover of workers is high (average we’ve heard for DoCS in Oz is about a year, and even in private agencies it runs at about 2 years), and if a child has moved placements a great deal, who on earth has any history for this child?
Oh, that’s right, the system does. (Btw, this is why life story work, however you may do that, is critical for these kids. More on that later.)
So what’s the problem with getting the right information to carers? The case file on a child who comes into your care may:
Why can’t carers see the child’s files, you might ask? We actually don’t think that’s a good idea. There are privacy issues relating to information in there about people other than the child. Carers need to retain some objectivity about birth parents and families. You need a good relationship with them for the child’s sake, and reading what might be a troubled history, that you will make a judgement on, might actually stop you doing that.
What needs to happen is for the files to be reproduced for the carers, with all the facts relevant to the child, but with none of the other stuff.
When the general consensus seems to be that many of our workers are overloaded, it’s not surprising that paperwork isn’t their first priority.
The people to do, what would essentially be a ‘sifting’ job, need to understand privacy, and they need to understand which facts are relevant to the child’s history. So why not find some lawyers, or social workers, who want to work part time? Get them in, make them sign a confidentiality agreement, and get them at it.
We think some rigour needs to be directed at solving these problems. Outsourcing a task is common in business, provided risk and privacy is managed well.
And as the survey shows, there is real risk to the foster family and the child if information is not forthcoming. ‘Flying blind’ can be fun sometimes, but not for a foster carer struggling to understand, manage and care for a small person.
We put the link to this Times Online (UK) article on Twitter, and quickly got a response:
11:25pm, Sep 17 from Web
feeling this first hand
The report came from Fostering Network, which represents 43,000 carers in Britain. A couple of court rulings had opened the door for local authorities to be sued if they didn’t meet their duty of care to foster families.
The statistics were blunt – more than 51% of carers in the UK say that they have been given inadequate information about a child in their care, which has put themselves, their own children and even the foster child at risk. A full 30% weren’t told about the child’s medical requirements, 50% were not informed about a history of abuse, and 75% said that they were not made aware of the child’s general behaviour.
This is not an uncommon problem. In the early years it may be critical to understanding the child’s behaviour and health, and as they get older it may be essential to help them understand their past and their birth family.
When the turnover of workers is high (average we’ve heard for DoCS in Oz is about a year, and even in private agencies it runs at about 2 years), and if a child has moved placements a great deal, who on earth has any history for this child?
Oh, that’s right, the system does. (Btw, this is why life story work, however you may do that, is critical for these kids. More on that later.)
So what’s the problem with getting the right information to carers? The case file on a child who comes into your care may:
- Be very large
- Contain information that is not relevant to the child in your care (for example information about birth family)
- Contain highly sensitive, prejudicial or private information about someone other than your foster child,
- Be very large – oh, we said that.
Why can’t carers see the child’s files, you might ask? We actually don’t think that’s a good idea. There are privacy issues relating to information in there about people other than the child. Carers need to retain some objectivity about birth parents and families. You need a good relationship with them for the child’s sake, and reading what might be a troubled history, that you will make a judgement on, might actually stop you doing that.
What needs to happen is for the files to be reproduced for the carers, with all the facts relevant to the child, but with none of the other stuff.
When the general consensus seems to be that many of our workers are overloaded, it’s not surprising that paperwork isn’t their first priority.
The people to do, what would essentially be a ‘sifting’ job, need to understand privacy, and they need to understand which facts are relevant to the child’s history. So why not find some lawyers, or social workers, who want to work part time? Get them in, make them sign a confidentiality agreement, and get them at it.
We think some rigour needs to be directed at solving these problems. Outsourcing a task is common in business, provided risk and privacy is managed well.
And as the survey shows, there is real risk to the foster family and the child if information is not forthcoming. ‘Flying blind’ can be fun sometimes, but not for a foster carer struggling to understand, manage and care for a small person.
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Children's sense of time
09/09/2009 22:23
Continuing our series from the American Academy of Pediatrics article.
This post deals with children’s sense of time, and how that specifically impacts children in foster care.
Placing children in care might deal with their immediate need for physical care, nourishment, comfort, affection and stimulation. But continuity of care is critical (continuity means continuous or connected). Children need to learn how to bond and trust, and that happens with a stable consistent carer over a period of time. So changes to their carer can be detrimental. Temporary care can, in fact, be detrimental.
And if a child is suffering the consequences of stress and inadequate parenting, then moving them from home to home only makes it worse. This reminds us of the Eggshells comment from Jen who writes about a foster child’s perspective at www.fostercareinamerica.com.
So how do adults deal with change and impermanence? Some restless souls like it. But most of us build on the self-reliance that we have learned, probably from stable and supportive parents and family circumstances, over the years. And we usually have the skill to anticipate and plan for a time when things settle down. We may well have experienced more settled times before, so we know what they look like.
But kids have few life experiences to draw on. They can’t pull out an experience and say ‘well, the last time that happened to me I handled it this way.’ They simply don’t have enough experiences in ‘the bank’.
And they are right in the process of discovering who they are. They don’t yet have a strong sense of ‘self’, not like adults do. It’s being created. A child in a stable family doesn’t have to be anxious about the fundamentals like nurturing, protection, trust and security. So they are free to get on with working out who they are. For a child in care energy is expended on the fundamentals. Who will care for them? Are they safe? Who will protect them? Who can they trust?
And think about how children focus. On the right here, right now. We have enough trouble getting the Camper to plan for the next hour, let alone the next month, year and so on (although the stand-out exception there is her birthday party. That goes into SWAT type planning at least 7 months before the date).
So because young children don’t understand the concept of temporary versus permanent, periods of time are largely incomprehensible to them. The younger they are, the longer the disruption – the more impact it will have.
This section of the report concludes ‘pediatricians should advocate that evaluation, planning, placement and treatment decision be made as quickly as possible, especially for very young children’. They are saying that the clock is ticking - every minute has an impact on the child.
When we hear workers say that their primary focus is on the ‘family’, we worry like hell for the individual children.
This post deals with children’s sense of time, and how that specifically impacts children in foster care.
Placing children in care might deal with their immediate need for physical care, nourishment, comfort, affection and stimulation. But continuity of care is critical (continuity means continuous or connected). Children need to learn how to bond and trust, and that happens with a stable consistent carer over a period of time. So changes to their carer can be detrimental. Temporary care can, in fact, be detrimental.
And if a child is suffering the consequences of stress and inadequate parenting, then moving them from home to home only makes it worse. This reminds us of the Eggshells comment from Jen who writes about a foster child’s perspective at www.fostercareinamerica.com.
So how do adults deal with change and impermanence? Some restless souls like it. But most of us build on the self-reliance that we have learned, probably from stable and supportive parents and family circumstances, over the years. And we usually have the skill to anticipate and plan for a time when things settle down. We may well have experienced more settled times before, so we know what they look like.
But kids have few life experiences to draw on. They can’t pull out an experience and say ‘well, the last time that happened to me I handled it this way.’ They simply don’t have enough experiences in ‘the bank’.
And they are right in the process of discovering who they are. They don’t yet have a strong sense of ‘self’, not like adults do. It’s being created. A child in a stable family doesn’t have to be anxious about the fundamentals like nurturing, protection, trust and security. So they are free to get on with working out who they are. For a child in care energy is expended on the fundamentals. Who will care for them? Are they safe? Who will protect them? Who can they trust?
And think about how children focus. On the right here, right now. We have enough trouble getting the Camper to plan for the next hour, let alone the next month, year and so on (although the stand-out exception there is her birthday party. That goes into SWAT type planning at least 7 months before the date).
So because young children don’t understand the concept of temporary versus permanent, periods of time are largely incomprehensible to them. The younger they are, the longer the disruption – the more impact it will have.
This section of the report concludes ‘pediatricians should advocate that evaluation, planning, placement and treatment decision be made as quickly as possible, especially for very young children’. They are saying that the clock is ticking - every minute has an impact on the child.
When we hear workers say that their primary focus is on the ‘family’, we worry like hell for the individual children.
It takes courage to be a foster carer
25/08/2009 23:43
Every so often in life it is worth getting back to basics, isn’t it? We talk about many things on this blog to try and cover as much useful information as we can. But we’ve recently been talking to some new carers, and we know other carers who are about to take a placement, so we thought it might be timely to go back to the beginning for a moment.
Dear New Foster Carers,
Congratulations on your courage. Has anyone said that to you lately? You’ve stepped out to help someone else, in the most personal way possible. You are putting yourself and your family on the front line, giving not just money, or even just time, but yourselves and your relationships and your home.
We hope that your training, and/or your life experience, will have prepared you for what you are experiencing. But don’t be surprised if, as a first time carer, you are stressed, because that’s the most natural reaction in the world.
No matter how well prepared or supported you might be, the first weeks of a placement can be difficult. Foster care can often be described as degrees of difficulty to be honest. But the first weeks, before you start to understand the child, can be positively exhausting.
It takes time. Yes, we know that is the platitude to end all platitudes, but it is true. Don’t judge anything by those first weeks.
Why? Because the child you have just welcomed into your home, with hope and love, may well be dazed, and confused, and untrusting. (We could add many more adjectives here like angry, or scared, or blasé, but it might go on a bit….). He doesn’t know you, and you don’t know him. And depending on his life experience, many of the things that you might take for granted in a child of his age may be missing completely. He may never have learned a lot of the basics. Like how to go shopping with you, how to stay by your side, how to happily come home from the park, how to share with other children. He may never have learned to eat properly. He may not even know how to cuddle. He may not enjoy bedtime or know how to settle himself. He may not have had anyone to teach it to him, you see.
(You can write that paragraph again with age appropriate characteristics, right up until teenage years, by the way. The last sentence will often remain the same.)
So it’s really important for you to remember that now is not the time to be reticent, or noble (‘I can cope. Really I can. Yes, I can.’) You deserve support and answers and advice, so ask for them. Every child in care is unique, and has very different experiences that will have impacted him in different ways. Don’t be afraid of stepping on toes or worry that you will be seen as demanding. The workers are there to support you and this placement.
And we hope that at some stage soon, there will come one experience with this child that will warm your heart, make you feel that it’s all worthwhile. That’s often all it takes to keep you going.
You’ve started a journey. It took courage to start it, and it will take courage to continue it. Keep going. A child will benefit from your courage.
Dear New Foster Carers,
Congratulations on your courage. Has anyone said that to you lately? You’ve stepped out to help someone else, in the most personal way possible. You are putting yourself and your family on the front line, giving not just money, or even just time, but yourselves and your relationships and your home.
We hope that your training, and/or your life experience, will have prepared you for what you are experiencing. But don’t be surprised if, as a first time carer, you are stressed, because that’s the most natural reaction in the world.
No matter how well prepared or supported you might be, the first weeks of a placement can be difficult. Foster care can often be described as degrees of difficulty to be honest. But the first weeks, before you start to understand the child, can be positively exhausting.
It takes time. Yes, we know that is the platitude to end all platitudes, but it is true. Don’t judge anything by those first weeks.
Why? Because the child you have just welcomed into your home, with hope and love, may well be dazed, and confused, and untrusting. (We could add many more adjectives here like angry, or scared, or blasé, but it might go on a bit….). He doesn’t know you, and you don’t know him. And depending on his life experience, many of the things that you might take for granted in a child of his age may be missing completely. He may never have learned a lot of the basics. Like how to go shopping with you, how to stay by your side, how to happily come home from the park, how to share with other children. He may never have learned to eat properly. He may not even know how to cuddle. He may not enjoy bedtime or know how to settle himself. He may not have had anyone to teach it to him, you see.
(You can write that paragraph again with age appropriate characteristics, right up until teenage years, by the way. The last sentence will often remain the same.)
So it’s really important for you to remember that now is not the time to be reticent, or noble (‘I can cope. Really I can. Yes, I can.’) You deserve support and answers and advice, so ask for them. Every child in care is unique, and has very different experiences that will have impacted him in different ways. Don’t be afraid of stepping on toes or worry that you will be seen as demanding. The workers are there to support you and this placement.
And we hope that at some stage soon, there will come one experience with this child that will warm your heart, make you feel that it’s all worthwhile. That’s often all it takes to keep you going.
You’ve started a journey. It took courage to start it, and it will take courage to continue it. Keep going. A child will benefit from your courage.
Humans are very poor judges
22/07/2009 22:40
‘The most fundamental problem with child protection in Australia is a philosophical one… the source of the problem is the erroneous assumption that because the protagonists in child abuse are people…the solution lies with other more socially competent people who are employed to make judicious decisions about risk and provide wise advice on parenting.’
This paragraph is from the article by James Barber published in the SMH.
If we had to summarise the article in one word (and we are not known for our brevity), we’d say it was on specialisation. It’s about making use of more specialised skills and methods in judging families and children at risk. Just as medicine has moved to make use of science over ‘practice wisdom’, Barber suggests that children’s services must follow suit.
The issue is whether humans can really detach themselves from their own prejudices and experiences to make objective decisions about other humans?
We’d all like to think we can. But whether we can or not, the other way of looking at the issue is to ask ‘are there now better ways to review information and make decisions about children and families at risk?’
It would be a brave person who said no.
Barber advocates for Evidence Based Practice, which suspends the human judgment in judging humans, and ‘which is about the conscientious, explicit and judicious use of the best available evidence in making decisions about the care of individual clients’.
He mentions recent research in North America. It has proven that mathematicians and actuaries, making use of bucket loads of data in a way that one person simply cannot, are actually able to make better decisions about families at risk than social workers.
Considering that the way most people manage the daily onslaught of work and life challenges is to find the ‘norm’ or pull everything towards the average, it seems entirely reasonable to us that more technology, science and skill is required to handle some of the critical calls in children’s services.
And if the out of home care system is only going to be more distributed to the private agencies, as per the Wood Royal Commission recommendations, more rigour, science and common standards are essential.
It sounds funny to consider that certain parts of the children’s services model need to lose the human element, but after mulling over this for a week we think it does.
This paragraph is from the article by James Barber published in the SMH.
If we had to summarise the article in one word (and we are not known for our brevity), we’d say it was on specialisation. It’s about making use of more specialised skills and methods in judging families and children at risk. Just as medicine has moved to make use of science over ‘practice wisdom’, Barber suggests that children’s services must follow suit.
The issue is whether humans can really detach themselves from their own prejudices and experiences to make objective decisions about other humans?
We’d all like to think we can. But whether we can or not, the other way of looking at the issue is to ask ‘are there now better ways to review information and make decisions about children and families at risk?’
It would be a brave person who said no.
Barber advocates for Evidence Based Practice, which suspends the human judgment in judging humans, and ‘which is about the conscientious, explicit and judicious use of the best available evidence in making decisions about the care of individual clients’.
He mentions recent research in North America. It has proven that mathematicians and actuaries, making use of bucket loads of data in a way that one person simply cannot, are actually able to make better decisions about families at risk than social workers.
Considering that the way most people manage the daily onslaught of work and life challenges is to find the ‘norm’ or pull everything towards the average, it seems entirely reasonable to us that more technology, science and skill is required to handle some of the critical calls in children’s services.
And if the out of home care system is only going to be more distributed to the private agencies, as per the Wood Royal Commission recommendations, more rigour, science and common standards are essential.
It sounds funny to consider that certain parts of the children’s services model need to lose the human element, but after mulling over this for a week we think it does.
A child's right to privacy
16/06/2009 21:41
As foster carers who have a front row seat on how the system should work better, we’d like to inject a note of caution in response to The Australian’s editorial A Dangerous Secrecy (11/06/09).
It was part of the Oz’s reporting on eight children taken into care.
The editorial comments that ‘It is not abused and neglected children who are damaged by publicity, it is the people who hurt them’.
We don’t have a problem with publicity as long as it gets something fixed. We don’t have a problem with freer constraints on reporting matters of public interest, as long as it is done very, very carefully. We’ve asked before whether more information from skilful journos may be in order (see our previous post Reporting more detail on children in care?)
But a child in care has the right to grow up with the privacy the rest of us enjoy. They have enough issues to deal with in relation to who they are and where they came from. They do not need details of their lives spread out for all in their community to read, and remember.
You may face this privacy issue quite regularly in your role as carer. There are instances where adults who find out you are carers launch into twenty questions. Their motives vary.
What happened? they’ll ask.
What are the circumstances with birth family?
Sometimes people even try to be helpful: Were there drugs or mental health or violence or neglect or abandonment or health or developmental delay or behaviour issues?
So what do you say? You may feel cornered, and you may try to stumble through some explanation.
Here’s what we would say, with a smile: ‘Oh, we’re not at liberty to go into any of that with anyone outside the child’s immediate family’. If pushed, we will elaborate further with: ‘All of that information is private to the child’. And if we think a further explanation might make them think twice about being quite so intrusive next time, we might finish with: ‘The child does not deserve to have the details of their private life shared with anyone other than their immediate family’. Keep smiling while you say it, you’d be surprised how that diffuses things.
These children aren’t public property. And we need to be careful not to use them as such, even if our intention is to try to fix the system.
It was part of the Oz’s reporting on eight children taken into care.
The editorial comments that ‘It is not abused and neglected children who are damaged by publicity, it is the people who hurt them’.
We don’t have a problem with publicity as long as it gets something fixed. We don’t have a problem with freer constraints on reporting matters of public interest, as long as it is done very, very carefully. We’ve asked before whether more information from skilful journos may be in order (see our previous post Reporting more detail on children in care?)
But a child in care has the right to grow up with the privacy the rest of us enjoy. They have enough issues to deal with in relation to who they are and where they came from. They do not need details of their lives spread out for all in their community to read, and remember.
You may face this privacy issue quite regularly in your role as carer. There are instances where adults who find out you are carers launch into twenty questions. Their motives vary.
What happened? they’ll ask.
What are the circumstances with birth family?
Sometimes people even try to be helpful: Were there drugs or mental health or violence or neglect or abandonment or health or developmental delay or behaviour issues?
So what do you say? You may feel cornered, and you may try to stumble through some explanation.
Here’s what we would say, with a smile: ‘Oh, we’re not at liberty to go into any of that with anyone outside the child’s immediate family’. If pushed, we will elaborate further with: ‘All of that information is private to the child’. And if we think a further explanation might make them think twice about being quite so intrusive next time, we might finish with: ‘The child does not deserve to have the details of their private life shared with anyone other than their immediate family’. Keep smiling while you say it, you’d be surprised how that diffuses things.
These children aren’t public property. And we need to be careful not to use them as such, even if our intention is to try to fix the system.
Self control, and self interest, for children in care?
09/06/2009 22:56
An interesting article crossed our desk this week.
It’s from The New Yorker, and it’s about self-control. Or rather, the ability or willingness of some people to delay gratification. The experiment, carried out in the 1960’s at Stanford University, put nursery school children in a room with a treat. The researcher offered that they could eat it straight away, but that if they waited until the researcher came back before eating it, they would get a second treat. A number of children successfully waited, and they used a number of mechanisms to take their focus off the treat sitting before them.
Over time, and with further analysis, the researcher ‘began to notice a link between the children’s academic performance as teenagers and their ability to wait for the second marshmallow’.
We quote: ‘ “What we’re really measuring with the marshmallows isn’t will power or self-control,” Mischel says. “It’s much more important than that. This task forces kids to find a way to make the situation work for them. They want the second marshmallow, but how can they get it? We can’t control the world, but we can control how we think about it.”’
This struck a chord with us. So many stories from children in care highlight how powerless and fearful they felt. So much of a skilled and loving parent’s task should be to teach children how to make situations work for them, to understand the ‘give and take’ or negotiations that they need to undertake for many reasons – safety, happiness, fulfilment, success. And if that kind of care and teaching is missing, how disadvantaged are these children in coping with life?
Often when a child in care comes to live with you, self-control will be an alien concept. They can be completely impulsive, fearful of change and dreadfully upset when any experience they are enjoying ends.
Nowdays, the degree of negotiation that goes on at our house makes us feel a bit like the United Nations. On occasion we have to invoke the ‘just do it’ creed. But after reading this article, we are pleased to see that the our child is well and truly working out how to make situations work for them.
It’s a good day when you see that sense of robustness and, to be frank, self-interest. There is plenty of time to teach them to put others first, but given their background, sometimes you have to actively teach them to put themselves first. They often miss because they are just struggling to survive.
So how do you start them on this path? Firstly, we show them how loving parents nurture their children. We show them how we could put them first above everything. They learn, sometimes for the first time in their lives, how it feels to have every need catered for. Through that they learn that they deserve it.
Second, offer them both a reason to do what you want them to do, and an understanding of the consequences. It takes time and it takes energy, and sometimes it will clearly be beyond their understanding and willpower. But they will began to learn how everything is connected, that every action has an equal and opposite reaction, and that their actions trigger different outcomes.
It’s from The New Yorker, and it’s about self-control. Or rather, the ability or willingness of some people to delay gratification. The experiment, carried out in the 1960’s at Stanford University, put nursery school children in a room with a treat. The researcher offered that they could eat it straight away, but that if they waited until the researcher came back before eating it, they would get a second treat. A number of children successfully waited, and they used a number of mechanisms to take their focus off the treat sitting before them.
Over time, and with further analysis, the researcher ‘began to notice a link between the children’s academic performance as teenagers and their ability to wait for the second marshmallow’.
We quote: ‘ “What we’re really measuring with the marshmallows isn’t will power or self-control,” Mischel says. “It’s much more important than that. This task forces kids to find a way to make the situation work for them. They want the second marshmallow, but how can they get it? We can’t control the world, but we can control how we think about it.”’
This struck a chord with us. So many stories from children in care highlight how powerless and fearful they felt. So much of a skilled and loving parent’s task should be to teach children how to make situations work for them, to understand the ‘give and take’ or negotiations that they need to undertake for many reasons – safety, happiness, fulfilment, success. And if that kind of care and teaching is missing, how disadvantaged are these children in coping with life?
Often when a child in care comes to live with you, self-control will be an alien concept. They can be completely impulsive, fearful of change and dreadfully upset when any experience they are enjoying ends.
Nowdays, the degree of negotiation that goes on at our house makes us feel a bit like the United Nations. On occasion we have to invoke the ‘just do it’ creed. But after reading this article, we are pleased to see that the our child is well and truly working out how to make situations work for them.
It’s a good day when you see that sense of robustness and, to be frank, self-interest. There is plenty of time to teach them to put others first, but given their background, sometimes you have to actively teach them to put themselves first. They often miss because they are just struggling to survive.
So how do you start them on this path? Firstly, we show them how loving parents nurture their children. We show them how we could put them first above everything. They learn, sometimes for the first time in their lives, how it feels to have every need catered for. Through that they learn that they deserve it.
Second, offer them both a reason to do what you want them to do, and an understanding of the consequences. It takes time and it takes energy, and sometimes it will clearly be beyond their understanding and willpower. But they will began to learn how everything is connected, that every action has an equal and opposite reaction, and that their actions trigger different outcomes.
Social work survey says workers described negatively
26/05/2009 21:36
CommunityCare.co.uk did a survey. And they found that ‘Journalists used negative words to describe social work roughly five times as often as positive or sympathetic words’.
Their results were blunt. Consider this:
‘Words (describing social workers' conduct, ability or demeanour) varied from "inept" and "arrogant" to serious personal allegations, such as "bullying", and "blackmailing". Social workers will no doubt be alarmed that the second most used word was "bully" or "bullying".‘
There are many definitions of bullying, but here is the Wikipedia one.
In colloquial speech, bullying often describes a form of harassment perpetrated by an abuser who possesses more physical and/or social power and dominance than the victim.
So it’s all about an inequality of power, and dominance.
The purpose of this blog is to share and educate. While the survey reviewed journalists’ reporting (and has some interesting things to say on whether all sides of the story are able to be presented), here’s our experience of some behaviour that was not social work’s finest hour.
A worker raising the same issue, after we had indicated we didn’t agree with it, at every single phone call, email message and visit. It was the wrong thing for the particular child and so we just kept saying no.
Now we’d call them on it, indicate we have answered the question and unless they have new reasons to raise it again, we consider the issue has been dealt with.
A worker who, when challenged, got frustrated and aggressive.
We stayed calm and suggested she learn how to receive feedback and work with various parties to achieve agreement. We thought she would have learned that at uni but maybe she missed that class?
Perjorative comments that were belittling or disparaging. Our particular favourite was ‘this is what you signed up for’ (so you as the carer don’t get a say).
We cheerfully advised that we signed up to care for a child, not to slavishly agree with the workers on everything without analysis and debate.
We took a support person with us to a meeting. When that support person spoke, they were told they were allowed to be present at the meeting, but not to speak.
If we were in that situation again, we would initiate a discussion at the start of the meeting as to the roles of all the people present and establish the ground rules.
All of these examples have one thing in common. The unspoken assumption, exhibited by the worker in each instance, was that they held the power, the decision-making responsibility, or the high moral ground. And when we disagreed, or challenged them, their behaviour veered dangerously close to bullying.
The interplay of all the adults responsible for a child’s life can be a delicate matter.
Carers expect the worker to have skill and experience, we care for this child and want to do the right thing for them, and we know the agency has a role to play. But workers are from an institution with all the authority that comes with it, and we are just a family or an individual. The power may not feel equal, and it doesn’t take much to shift it.
Lest we scare off any prospective carers out there, we hasten to tell you that we have experienced the other side of the spectrum. We know workers who are collaborative, wise, thoughtful and perceptive. They share their views without lecturing, and they are prepared to listen to the carers, and more importantly, the child.
We wish there were more of you. We hope you are recognized within the system as the exceptional workers you are, and we hope other, less experienced workers learn from you.
Their results were blunt. Consider this:
‘Words (describing social workers' conduct, ability or demeanour) varied from "inept" and "arrogant" to serious personal allegations, such as "bullying", and "blackmailing". Social workers will no doubt be alarmed that the second most used word was "bully" or "bullying".‘
There are many definitions of bullying, but here is the Wikipedia one.
In colloquial speech, bullying often describes a form of harassment perpetrated by an abuser who possesses more physical and/or social power and dominance than the victim.
So it’s all about an inequality of power, and dominance.
The purpose of this blog is to share and educate. While the survey reviewed journalists’ reporting (and has some interesting things to say on whether all sides of the story are able to be presented), here’s our experience of some behaviour that was not social work’s finest hour.
A worker raising the same issue, after we had indicated we didn’t agree with it, at every single phone call, email message and visit. It was the wrong thing for the particular child and so we just kept saying no.
Now we’d call them on it, indicate we have answered the question and unless they have new reasons to raise it again, we consider the issue has been dealt with.
A worker who, when challenged, got frustrated and aggressive.
We stayed calm and suggested she learn how to receive feedback and work with various parties to achieve agreement. We thought she would have learned that at uni but maybe she missed that class?
Perjorative comments that were belittling or disparaging. Our particular favourite was ‘this is what you signed up for’ (so you as the carer don’t get a say).
We cheerfully advised that we signed up to care for a child, not to slavishly agree with the workers on everything without analysis and debate.
We took a support person with us to a meeting. When that support person spoke, they were told they were allowed to be present at the meeting, but not to speak.
If we were in that situation again, we would initiate a discussion at the start of the meeting as to the roles of all the people present and establish the ground rules.
All of these examples have one thing in common. The unspoken assumption, exhibited by the worker in each instance, was that they held the power, the decision-making responsibility, or the high moral ground. And when we disagreed, or challenged them, their behaviour veered dangerously close to bullying.
The interplay of all the adults responsible for a child’s life can be a delicate matter.
Carers expect the worker to have skill and experience, we care for this child and want to do the right thing for them, and we know the agency has a role to play. But workers are from an institution with all the authority that comes with it, and we are just a family or an individual. The power may not feel equal, and it doesn’t take much to shift it.
Lest we scare off any prospective carers out there, we hasten to tell you that we have experienced the other side of the spectrum. We know workers who are collaborative, wise, thoughtful and perceptive. They share their views without lecturing, and they are prepared to listen to the carers, and more importantly, the child.
We wish there were more of you. We hope you are recognized within the system as the exceptional workers you are, and we hope other, less experienced workers learn from you.
How do you become a foster carer?
06/05/2009 22:38
Our blog is about helping you understand all the things that the manuals and the agencies and the blurbs don’t tell you. So we won’t reproduce all the decent information already available from government and non-government agencies – but we will link to it.
If you are thinking about becoming a foster carer, here are our reminders as you go through the process.
Think about your circumstances…
A foster child will probably come to you with issues, depending on their age. You need to be able to give them time and attention. You may need to make up huge deficits in every aspect of their health, education, socialisation, emotional growth. Can you do it? Is your family committed with you in doing this? Do you have the time? Do you have the emotional and intellectual energy?
Why do you want to do it?
There are no right reasons, but we’ve written before about making sure that you know what you want or need out of it. It can be tough, and let’s be blunt, if you are doing it to meet some need of yours, then you may be disappointed. We fostered because we wanted to make a difference. We wanted to break the self-perpetuating cycle of dysfunction that exists in some families. We know carers who came to fostering when they were unable to have their own biological children. We know other carers who have been very successful at everything they have done in family and career and want to give something back. The assessment process will quiz you on your motivation, so spend some time thinking it through. The more honest you are with yourself about it the better.
Who will help you?
Make sure you have a good support network available. This is no time to be gung-ho. You will need support ranging from a sympathetic ear, to constructive advice, to actual physical assistance. If you are already a parent then you may have this in place. But remember that these children have additional needs. To give them what they need and want means a very intense relationship. You need people looking out for you.
Research
Our blog is Australian, so the resources we will point you to are Australian. But there are equivalent organisations around the world.
There is plenty of information available online from both the Department of Community Services (NSW and other Australian states), and Non-Government Foster care agencies.
To get you started, visit the DOCS website.
General information on fostering
Types of care
What to expect
Non-government agencies provide foster care services and recruit carers. You will be able to click through to their websites for more information.
Note that the links are sometimes to ‘Out-of-home care’, which is another name for foster care.
There are differences in approach, support, structure and process between DOCS and the private agencies. We’ve experienced both over many years, and have made some suggestions on our site before. You need to make sure you know what to expect from the agency. They can over-service you, under-support you, have policies that say one thing on paper and mean something else in practice, and may have vastly differing levels of skills and experience in their workers. You may not be able to avoid the issues but it helps if you know what you are getting into. Just as child and you should be a good match, so too should you and the agency.
If you are thinking about becoming a foster carer, here are our reminders as you go through the process.
Think about your circumstances…
A foster child will probably come to you with issues, depending on their age. You need to be able to give them time and attention. You may need to make up huge deficits in every aspect of their health, education, socialisation, emotional growth. Can you do it? Is your family committed with you in doing this? Do you have the time? Do you have the emotional and intellectual energy?
Why do you want to do it?
There are no right reasons, but we’ve written before about making sure that you know what you want or need out of it. It can be tough, and let’s be blunt, if you are doing it to meet some need of yours, then you may be disappointed. We fostered because we wanted to make a difference. We wanted to break the self-perpetuating cycle of dysfunction that exists in some families. We know carers who came to fostering when they were unable to have their own biological children. We know other carers who have been very successful at everything they have done in family and career and want to give something back. The assessment process will quiz you on your motivation, so spend some time thinking it through. The more honest you are with yourself about it the better.
Who will help you?
Make sure you have a good support network available. This is no time to be gung-ho. You will need support ranging from a sympathetic ear, to constructive advice, to actual physical assistance. If you are already a parent then you may have this in place. But remember that these children have additional needs. To give them what they need and want means a very intense relationship. You need people looking out for you.
Research
Our blog is Australian, so the resources we will point you to are Australian. But there are equivalent organisations around the world.
There is plenty of information available online from both the Department of Community Services (NSW and other Australian states), and Non-Government Foster care agencies.
To get you started, visit the DOCS website.
General information on fostering
Types of care
What to expect
Non-government agencies provide foster care services and recruit carers. You will be able to click through to their websites for more information.
Note that the links are sometimes to ‘Out-of-home care’, which is another name for foster care.
There are differences in approach, support, structure and process between DOCS and the private agencies. We’ve experienced both over many years, and have made some suggestions on our site before. You need to make sure you know what to expect from the agency. They can over-service you, under-support you, have policies that say one thing on paper and mean something else in practice, and may have vastly differing levels of skills and experience in their workers. You may not be able to avoid the issues but it helps if you know what you are getting into. Just as child and you should be a good match, so too should you and the agency.
Good things come to those who wait?
21/12/2008 23:26
It seems sometime since I updated you on my journey to become a foster carer.
“Where’ve you been?” you might ask.
Well, I’ve been sitting here waiting. Waiting for the agency to complete their paperwork. Waiting for checks to be completed and returned. Waiting for a worker to get to my name on their list. Now patience is something I oft struggle with and perhaps this is one of those life lessons that is long overdue.
But leaving that to one side, if there is shortage of carers and children who desperately need a home, then I am bemused, nay befuddled, by the lack of urgency with which the system seems to move. Each time I call to follow up and make sure that the agency has all it needs from me, I am met with the same story of how the process works and that they are very busy and will get to me in due course. Does this apparent lack of resources simply mean there aren’t enough workers? Or are there more kids needing care than previously? Or is it that there is a heightened awareness of children at risk which requires greater levels of investigation and the inevitable paperwork which follows.
I suspect it is a combination. So here I sit and wait for my new life to begin and wonder whether there is something else I should be doing in the meantime. I only hope it’s not like “waiting for Godot” for if my memory serves correctly, Godot never arrived.
Yours in anticipation
Dorothy
Posted by Dorothy
“Where’ve you been?” you might ask.
Well, I’ve been sitting here waiting. Waiting for the agency to complete their paperwork. Waiting for checks to be completed and returned. Waiting for a worker to get to my name on their list. Now patience is something I oft struggle with and perhaps this is one of those life lessons that is long overdue.
But leaving that to one side, if there is shortage of carers and children who desperately need a home, then I am bemused, nay befuddled, by the lack of urgency with which the system seems to move. Each time I call to follow up and make sure that the agency has all it needs from me, I am met with the same story of how the process works and that they are very busy and will get to me in due course. Does this apparent lack of resources simply mean there aren’t enough workers? Or are there more kids needing care than previously? Or is it that there is a heightened awareness of children at risk which requires greater levels of investigation and the inevitable paperwork which follows.
I suspect it is a combination. So here I sit and wait for my new life to begin and wonder whether there is something else I should be doing in the meantime. I only hope it’s not like “waiting for Godot” for if my memory serves correctly, Godot never arrived.
Yours in anticipation
Dorothy
Posted by Dorothy
Which agency should I foster with?
31/08/2008 23:10
Who should I approach? I’m really interested in fostering, but I’m not sure which agency, public or private, I should go through. What’s the difference?
This came into focus when we caught up with a friend last weekend, who reminded us that she was interested in long term fostering, and wanted our advice on where to start.
Let’s take a big step forward. When you have a child in care, one of the most important aspects of that placement is a real ‘meeting of the minds’ between carer and agency. You may have challenges with the child. The last thing you need is conflict or frustration with the agency that monitors and supports you.
‘Meeting of the minds’ is actually a legal concept that underpins contract law, but we’ve found it works well in business and life. Are your thoughts aligned? Do you want the same thing? Are you working towards the same outcome?
In our experience, the best agency/carer relationships have the following features:
Posted by EssentialMum
This came into focus when we caught up with a friend last weekend, who reminded us that she was interested in long term fostering, and wanted our advice on where to start.
Let’s take a big step forward. When you have a child in care, one of the most important aspects of that placement is a real ‘meeting of the minds’ between carer and agency. You may have challenges with the child. The last thing you need is conflict or frustration with the agency that monitors and supports you.
‘Meeting of the minds’ is actually a legal concept that underpins contract law, but we’ve found it works well in business and life. Are your thoughts aligned? Do you want the same thing? Are you working towards the same outcome?
In our experience, the best agency/carer relationships have the following features:
- An ‘aligned’ vision of what is best for the child. Put simply, you all agree on the basics - of care, access, support etc.
- A fair and open process of deciding what is best for the child. Think about what happens. The carer takes a child in. The child needs to settle, to trust, to learn, maybe even to learn to love. The timeframe varies but most long term carers become the people who know the child best. We live with them. Put our ‘on the ground’ experience with an experienced, thoughtful, objective social worker, provide willingness to discuss an issue and decide an approach together, and the results can be constructive.
- Room for individuality. These children need to be treated as individuals who matter. Too often their needs as an individual have been completely ignored. This is not uncommon in their birth family circumstances, but surprisingly can also occur in short term placements, where the focus might be on their physical needs. So any approaches or policies should be adjusted for the individual child. For example, the policy that ‘Our approach is that children in care call their birth parent “X” ‘ becomes ‘While generally our policy is that children in care call their birth parent “X”, in Y’s case we agree that….’
- Mutual respect. This needs to happen at the individual level. The PERSONAL level. Carers need to be able to respect the social worker assigned to their case, and workers need to respect the capabilities and experience of the carers. All parties need to demonstrate this – in what they say, how they listen to each other.
- Support. Depending on the needs of your child, you may call on the agency for support. They should be there when you need it. With what you need. And on the other hand, they shouldn’t be in your ear every week with demands and actions and policies and plans. Unless that's what you want.
- A willingness to listen. From all parties. This means that a proper conversation is going on.
- Recognition. Some recognition of the child’s progress really makes a carer feel good. More importantly, a ‘good’ placement, and the carers’ part in that, should go to the carers’ credibility. If the child is thriving, learning, growing, loving and happy do you think we might just know what we are doing?
Posted by EssentialMum
Becoming a foster carer - Dorothy's journey
05/06/2008 00:40
Hi there. My name is Dorothy and I’m about to launch into the biggest adventure of my life.
I’m about to become a long term fostercarer.
So how did it all come about? Well, to cut a long story short, I was having a really bad time at work – really bad. A disagreement with my boss set me back on my heels and got me wondering what I was doing with my life. I’d studied hard and established a great career. I’d worked for the same company for 7 years and was now a successful executive. I was financially stable and owned my own home. I had a great life, so why did it all seem so empty? Having worked so hard for so long, what I was doing it all for?
My cousin is a longterm fostercarer. She is just awesome. You know, one of those people you aspire to be. I’d always known about fostercare, but never really thought seriously about it. I mean, can a 36 year old single woman be a fostercarer?
So after a good deal of self analysis and research and many conversations with my cousin, I called DOCS. I could have gone with an agency but found that DOCS were really responsive and easy to deal with.
So here I am about to undertake my fostercarer training and writing 'my story'. It’s an odd experience to revisit your life in five year increments from birth to your current age. A time to reflect on all the things that make you who you are today.
It’s been invaluable to be able to talk to my cousin about her experiences and the challenges and joys. Her foster child is a delight and it’s been a privilege to watch the development from a little person at risk into a robust, funny, energetic child who is self confident and nurtured and has a wonderful full life.
My cousin’s life is that much richer for the experience and it is this, more than anything else, that inspired me to start my journey.
I still have questions and doubts and wonder how I’m going to do it all. But I am secure in the knowledge that I am surrounded by wonderful family and friends who support me in this adventure and will be there when I need advice or help or just need to talk.
It’s a huge decision, to turn your life upside down and share it with someone new. To forego much of your personal freedom and defer to the needs and wants of a child who will have been through more than any child should.
But then I am incredibly fortunate and have the chance to make a real difference. And what could be more meaningful than that?
Posted by Dorothy
I’m about to become a long term fostercarer.
So how did it all come about? Well, to cut a long story short, I was having a really bad time at work – really bad. A disagreement with my boss set me back on my heels and got me wondering what I was doing with my life. I’d studied hard and established a great career. I’d worked for the same company for 7 years and was now a successful executive. I was financially stable and owned my own home. I had a great life, so why did it all seem so empty? Having worked so hard for so long, what I was doing it all for?
My cousin is a longterm fostercarer. She is just awesome. You know, one of those people you aspire to be. I’d always known about fostercare, but never really thought seriously about it. I mean, can a 36 year old single woman be a fostercarer?
So after a good deal of self analysis and research and many conversations with my cousin, I called DOCS. I could have gone with an agency but found that DOCS were really responsive and easy to deal with.
So here I am about to undertake my fostercarer training and writing 'my story'. It’s an odd experience to revisit your life in five year increments from birth to your current age. A time to reflect on all the things that make you who you are today.
It’s been invaluable to be able to talk to my cousin about her experiences and the challenges and joys. Her foster child is a delight and it’s been a privilege to watch the development from a little person at risk into a robust, funny, energetic child who is self confident and nurtured and has a wonderful full life.
My cousin’s life is that much richer for the experience and it is this, more than anything else, that inspired me to start my journey.
I still have questions and doubts and wonder how I’m going to do it all. But I am secure in the knowledge that I am surrounded by wonderful family and friends who support me in this adventure and will be there when I need advice or help or just need to talk.
It’s a huge decision, to turn your life upside down and share it with someone new. To forego much of your personal freedom and defer to the needs and wants of a child who will have been through more than any child should.
But then I am incredibly fortunate and have the chance to make a real difference. And what could be more meaningful than that?
Posted by Dorothy