Growing up in the care of strangers
That’s the title of a book…. about care.
We haven’t read the book. But its authors are profiled over at www.fostercareinamerica.com, so that tells us it’s worth looking into. It’s available on Amazon but takes some time to be delivered to us here in Oz (and at some expense). So we hope the authors will forgive us for taking little more than the title, and a bit of information from the blurbs, and writing something about it.
You can read about the authors, Dr John Seita and Waln Brown, at www.fostercareinamerica.com, and they have a website for the book (which tells you a little more).
They and their contributors are foster care alumni. It is marvelous to see those who experienced the system capable of, and interested in, working in it. That’s one of their points. When is the system going to take on board advice from those who experienced it?
Business listens to its customers (or tries to) frequently. And there’s a whole wave of debate and discussion globally about Government transparency and interaction. And yet our experience of the foster care system is, quite frankly, that the ‘consumers’ of it – children and birth families – and partners in it – carers – often don’t get much of a say. Their ability to do so seems to be very much at the mercy of individual workers, and not enshrined in the system.
If we take the title of this book at face value, you shouldn’t have to grow up in the care of strangers, should you?
The word ‘strangers’ hit us hard because we have been strangers to a small, bemused child who landed on our doorstep. The dazed look on her face was quite hard to face, and we remember our pleasure when we watched it gradually give way to some expression as she became familiar with us.
The ‘strangers’ have now retreated, to be replaced by loving family members. We’ve watched the Camper grow happier and stronger as the realization and assurance of that has worked its way deep into her soul. Careful and skilled eyes see this change in her. We see it, but we feel it too, and that’s the feeling that gives us the greatest joy.
So the only strangers in the Camper’s life now are those outside our family and her birth family, and her circle of friends and acquaintances. Like most kids.
The system decided she needed permanency, and sought it for her. We have taken up that challenge. We have held the line when those in the system got a bit confused, and thought that relationships other than the Camper’s and ours were more important and should be given priority. We have made sure some workers understand that the Camper is a child who has a birth family she doesn’t live with, rather than a child in substitute care who needs to conform to some pre-defined relationship with her birth family. We have made sure that her individual interests didn’t get swamped beneath the standard way the system does things. We’ve acted like the Camper’s parents. Because we are.
We’ve said for a while that the foster carer base needs to be segmented. There is a vast difference between short and long term care – both in what a child needs from it and what a carer needs to be able to commit to and provide. All of which drives us to advocate more transparency about how this system works.
So our congratulations to every one of the contributors to Growing up in the Care of Strangers. Not just for what they have achieved in their lives, but for speaking out.
We haven’t read the book. But its authors are profiled over at www.fostercareinamerica.com, so that tells us it’s worth looking into. It’s available on Amazon but takes some time to be delivered to us here in Oz (and at some expense). So we hope the authors will forgive us for taking little more than the title, and a bit of information from the blurbs, and writing something about it.
You can read about the authors, Dr John Seita and Waln Brown, at www.fostercareinamerica.com, and they have a website for the book (which tells you a little more).
They and their contributors are foster care alumni. It is marvelous to see those who experienced the system capable of, and interested in, working in it. That’s one of their points. When is the system going to take on board advice from those who experienced it?
Business listens to its customers (or tries to) frequently. And there’s a whole wave of debate and discussion globally about Government transparency and interaction. And yet our experience of the foster care system is, quite frankly, that the ‘consumers’ of it – children and birth families – and partners in it – carers – often don’t get much of a say. Their ability to do so seems to be very much at the mercy of individual workers, and not enshrined in the system.
If we take the title of this book at face value, you shouldn’t have to grow up in the care of strangers, should you?
- Did you ever wonder where you might be sleeping tomorrow, or the next day?
- Did you ever wonder whether the adult giving you assistance or instruction really, really cared deep down for you, or were they just doing a job?
- Did you ever want just one person to tell you they loved you, just you?
- Did you ever think that, no matter what, there was one place and one person who would welcome you, any time?
The word ‘strangers’ hit us hard because we have been strangers to a small, bemused child who landed on our doorstep. The dazed look on her face was quite hard to face, and we remember our pleasure when we watched it gradually give way to some expression as she became familiar with us.
The ‘strangers’ have now retreated, to be replaced by loving family members. We’ve watched the Camper grow happier and stronger as the realization and assurance of that has worked its way deep into her soul. Careful and skilled eyes see this change in her. We see it, but we feel it too, and that’s the feeling that gives us the greatest joy.
So the only strangers in the Camper’s life now are those outside our family and her birth family, and her circle of friends and acquaintances. Like most kids.
The system decided she needed permanency, and sought it for her. We have taken up that challenge. We have held the line when those in the system got a bit confused, and thought that relationships other than the Camper’s and ours were more important and should be given priority. We have made sure some workers understand that the Camper is a child who has a birth family she doesn’t live with, rather than a child in substitute care who needs to conform to some pre-defined relationship with her birth family. We have made sure that her individual interests didn’t get swamped beneath the standard way the system does things. We’ve acted like the Camper’s parents. Because we are.
We’ve said for a while that the foster carer base needs to be segmented. There is a vast difference between short and long term care – both in what a child needs from it and what a carer needs to be able to commit to and provide. All of which drives us to advocate more transparency about how this system works.
So our congratulations to every one of the contributors to Growing up in the Care of Strangers. Not just for what they have achieved in their lives, but for speaking out.
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