Growing up in the care of strangers
That’s the title of a book…. about care.
We haven’t read the book. But its authors are profiled over at www.fostercareinamerica.com, so that tells us it’s worth looking into. It’s available on Amazon but takes some time to be delivered to us here in Oz (and at some expense). So we hope the authors will forgive us for taking little more than the title, and a bit of information from the blurbs, and writing something about it.
You can read about the authors, Dr John Seita and Waln Brown, at www.fostercareinamerica.com, and they have a website for the book (which tells you a little more).
They and their contributors are foster care alumni. It is marvelous to see those who experienced the system capable of, and interested in, working in it. That’s one of their points. When is the system going to take on board advice from those who experienced it?
Business listens to its customers (or tries to) frequently. And there’s a whole wave of debate and discussion globally about Government transparency and interaction. And yet our experience of the foster care system is, quite frankly, that the ‘consumers’ of it – children and birth families – and partners in it – carers – often don’t get much of a say. Their ability to do so seems to be very much at the mercy of individual workers, and not enshrined in the system.
If we take the title of this book at face value, you shouldn’t have to grow up in the care of strangers, should you?
The word ‘strangers’ hit us hard because we have been strangers to more than one small, bemused child who landed on our doorstep. The dazed look on their faces was quite hard to face, and we remember our pleasure when we’ve watched it gradually give way to some expression as they become familiar with us.
It’s a good day for your child in care when the only strangers in their life are those outside your family and their birth family, and their circle of friends and acquaintances. Like most kids.
The answer to strangers is permanency. If a child needs permanency then it is up to the system to make that decision and make that decision for them, in a timely fashion. Every day counts.
Then, as carers, you need to hold the line. You will know which relationships mean what to the child. We’ve always tried to make sure workers understand that a child in care is a child who has a birth family they don’t live with, rather than a child in substitute care who needs to conform to some pre-defined relationship with their birth family. We have made sure that any child’s individual interests didn’t get swamped beneath the standard way the system does things. We’ve acted like the parents. Because we are.
We’ve said for a while that the foster carer base needs to be segmented. There is a vast difference between short and long term care – both in what a child needs from it and what a carer needs to be able to commit to and provide. All of which drives us to advocate more transparency about how this system works.
So our congratulations to every one of the contributors to Growing up in the Care of Strangers. Not just for what they have achieved in their lives, but for speaking out.
We haven’t read the book. But its authors are profiled over at www.fostercareinamerica.com, so that tells us it’s worth looking into. It’s available on Amazon but takes some time to be delivered to us here in Oz (and at some expense). So we hope the authors will forgive us for taking little more than the title, and a bit of information from the blurbs, and writing something about it.
You can read about the authors, Dr John Seita and Waln Brown, at www.fostercareinamerica.com, and they have a website for the book (which tells you a little more).
They and their contributors are foster care alumni. It is marvelous to see those who experienced the system capable of, and interested in, working in it. That’s one of their points. When is the system going to take on board advice from those who experienced it?
Business listens to its customers (or tries to) frequently. And there’s a whole wave of debate and discussion globally about Government transparency and interaction. And yet our experience of the foster care system is, quite frankly, that the ‘consumers’ of it – children and birth families – and partners in it – carers – often don’t get much of a say. Their ability to do so seems to be very much at the mercy of individual workers, and not enshrined in the system.
If we take the title of this book at face value, you shouldn’t have to grow up in the care of strangers, should you?
- Did you ever wonder where you might be sleeping tomorrow, or the next day?
- Did you ever wonder whether the adult giving you assistance or instruction really, really cared deep down for you, or were they just doing a job?
- Did you ever want just one person to tell you they loved you, just you?
- Did you ever think that, no matter what, there was one place and one person who would welcome you, any time?
The word ‘strangers’ hit us hard because we have been strangers to more than one small, bemused child who landed on our doorstep. The dazed look on their faces was quite hard to face, and we remember our pleasure when we’ve watched it gradually give way to some expression as they become familiar with us.
It’s a good day for your child in care when the only strangers in their life are those outside your family and their birth family, and their circle of friends and acquaintances. Like most kids.
The answer to strangers is permanency. If a child needs permanency then it is up to the system to make that decision and make that decision for them, in a timely fashion. Every day counts.
Then, as carers, you need to hold the line. You will know which relationships mean what to the child. We’ve always tried to make sure workers understand that a child in care is a child who has a birth family they don’t live with, rather than a child in substitute care who needs to conform to some pre-defined relationship with their birth family. We have made sure that any child’s individual interests didn’t get swamped beneath the standard way the system does things. We’ve acted like the parents. Because we are.
We’ve said for a while that the foster carer base needs to be segmented. There is a vast difference between short and long term care – both in what a child needs from it and what a carer needs to be able to commit to and provide. All of which drives us to advocate more transparency about how this system works.
So our congratulations to every one of the contributors to Growing up in the Care of Strangers. Not just for what they have achieved in their lives, but for speaking out.
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