birth family
The influence of birth family
Yet another story in the weekend press that examined one premise – whether children convicted of murder can ever live normal lives – and ended up being another tale of tragedy about a child in care.
Kate Legge in The Weekend Australian Magazine (March 27-28 2010, p 17) recounts ‘The story of S’, convicted at 13 of murder, sent to jail but with his anonymity intact. She charts his journey, from care at the age of 6, to rehabilitation efforts in jail, which led to his release and a relationship, parenthood and a steady job. But he was open to the influence of an associate of his family, and embezzled substantially. While on trial he had a relationship with a minor, and is now in jail.
The details are not contained in the article, but S’s background is distressingly familiar. The article states that he was ‘surrendered to a patchwork of residential placements’ and that during a 2 year period ‘he absconded from state care 26 times’. That’s at least every month.
Legge’s last paragraph concludes that despite the rehab efforts, the counselling, the positive prospects he had proven he could create and capitalise on, he ‘couldn’t in the end withstand the primordial tug of a family that had given him up at such a tender age’.
Well, how on earth could he? When no significant family relationship ever took its place when he was a child? When no one taught him how to think, deal or act with his birth family?
If he’d never experienced a positive parental relationship or formed an enduring relationship with one significant adult, then of course his birth parents remain a force to be reckoned with. As Bernie Geary, Victoria’s Child Safety Commission notes, ‘you can’t transplant empathy into a kid who has grown up with a lack of it, as well as poor role models’.
Geary states that is why they need a champion. We would suggest that is why they need a ‘parent’.
Our experience, supported by the advice of experienced workers, is that coming to grips with birth family and their individual circumstances is make or break stuff for most children in care.
Children need an explanation of the circumstances of their being in care, and this must become deeper and more detailed as they mature. Critically, this has to provide a context for them in which to deal with their birth parents. Using S’s case, he was still open to pressure and intimidation from members of his birth family. No one taught him how to deal with those, and perhaps he had no one to turn to for advice?
There is overwhelming evidence that children need a significant positive relationship that is either parental in nature or very close to it. As carers we become substitute parents, and we should never be accused of overstepping that line. By anyone.
We still read anecdotes online of carers feeling like they are under siege from workers and lawyers in the system. Too many carers have to convince a sceptical ‘system’ that they really are able to take on that relationship for the children, not because they have an agenda (desperate to have children, want to adopt, in it for the money).
We couldn’t help but read the article with that sinking feeling. The feeling that the system worked desperately hard to patch up this child. It threw all its skill and best efforts at him, and he showed he could rise to the challenge. The system tried to teach him empathy, and responsibility. But it was too late.
The system let him down when he was 6. He should have learned empathy and responsibility at the knee of someone who cared about him. He is another example of a child who went into foster care drift. His story is made all the more tragic because for a time, it appeared he was going to defy all the statistics.
Kate Legge in The Weekend Australian Magazine (March 27-28 2010, p 17) recounts ‘The story of S’, convicted at 13 of murder, sent to jail but with his anonymity intact. She charts his journey, from care at the age of 6, to rehabilitation efforts in jail, which led to his release and a relationship, parenthood and a steady job. But he was open to the influence of an associate of his family, and embezzled substantially. While on trial he had a relationship with a minor, and is now in jail.
The details are not contained in the article, but S’s background is distressingly familiar. The article states that he was ‘surrendered to a patchwork of residential placements’ and that during a 2 year period ‘he absconded from state care 26 times’. That’s at least every month.
Legge’s last paragraph concludes that despite the rehab efforts, the counselling, the positive prospects he had proven he could create and capitalise on, he ‘couldn’t in the end withstand the primordial tug of a family that had given him up at such a tender age’.
Well, how on earth could he? When no significant family relationship ever took its place when he was a child? When no one taught him how to think, deal or act with his birth family?
If he’d never experienced a positive parental relationship or formed an enduring relationship with one significant adult, then of course his birth parents remain a force to be reckoned with. As Bernie Geary, Victoria’s Child Safety Commission notes, ‘you can’t transplant empathy into a kid who has grown up with a lack of it, as well as poor role models’.
Geary states that is why they need a champion. We would suggest that is why they need a ‘parent’.
Our experience, supported by the advice of experienced workers, is that coming to grips with birth family and their individual circumstances is make or break stuff for most children in care.
Children need an explanation of the circumstances of their being in care, and this must become deeper and more detailed as they mature. Critically, this has to provide a context for them in which to deal with their birth parents. Using S’s case, he was still open to pressure and intimidation from members of his birth family. No one taught him how to deal with those, and perhaps he had no one to turn to for advice?
There is overwhelming evidence that children need a significant positive relationship that is either parental in nature or very close to it. As carers we become substitute parents, and we should never be accused of overstepping that line. By anyone.
We still read anecdotes online of carers feeling like they are under siege from workers and lawyers in the system. Too many carers have to convince a sceptical ‘system’ that they really are able to take on that relationship for the children, not because they have an agenda (desperate to have children, want to adopt, in it for the money).
We couldn’t help but read the article with that sinking feeling. The feeling that the system worked desperately hard to patch up this child. It threw all its skill and best efforts at him, and he showed he could rise to the challenge. The system tried to teach him empathy, and responsibility. But it was too late.
The system let him down when he was 6. He should have learned empathy and responsibility at the knee of someone who cared about him. He is another example of a child who went into foster care drift. His story is made all the more tragic because for a time, it appeared he was going to defy all the statistics.
|
Twitter stream to 30-12-09
Sometimes this could more readily be called a ‘Twitter trickle’, rather than a stream, but hey, there’s still some good stuff in here.
Sammut: Community needs to accept that children in danger need to be removed, and the earlier the better for the child. http://ow.ly/R368 2 minutes ago from HootSuite
Creation of a stand alone dept that investigates reports of children at risk sorely needed and long overdue. Top priority. 3 minutes ago from HootSuite
NSW Govt throwing additional $300 million into support services for dysfunctional families after Wood Royal Commission. http://ow.ly/R34e 5 minutes ago from HootSuite
Sammut says DOCS budget was 'in excess of $1 billion last financial year'. That's a lot of shekels. http://ow.ly/R32J 6 minutes ago from HootSuite
Perhaps more honesty is needed about the real chances of solving drug abuse, mental illness and domestic violence in dysfunctional families? 9 minutes ago from HootSuite
Removal of 'at risk' children as a last resort can be a high risk policy. See Ebony and Dean Shillingsworth cases: http://ow.ly/R30b 10 minutes ago from HootSuite
Sammut comes out and says that family preservation - the current approach in child protection - is flawed: http://ow.ly/R2ZA 11 minutes ago from HootSuite
Two dreadful cases this year of parental neglect that were fatal for the children: Jeremy Sammut in the SMH http://ow.ly/R2YL 12 minutes ago from HootSuite
'Ghost Child' (Caroline Overington) available from Dymocks http://ow.ly/PPG4. If you are interested in children's rights - worth reading. 10:47 PM Dec 26th from HootSuite
Just read Caroline Overington's Ghost Child. Fiction - but some interesting and authentic perspectives from players in 'the system'. 10:43 PM Dec 26th from HootSuite
Hate to break it to you folks, but more money ain't gonna fix the social welfare system: http://ow.ly/PPzT 10:39 PM Dec 26th from HootSuite
We are not sure how much one-on-one our lovely Happy Camper got in her first years. Not much we suspect. Can you catch up? A resounding YES! 11:52 PM Dec 22nd from HootSuite
We read all the 'can do' advice for birth parents. And we realise that our small bundle of humanity might have missed out on lots of that. 11:48 PM Dec 22nd from HootSuite
We are tired at the end of the year and so it is very easy to scoff at all the rubbish on Twitter. 3:03 AM Dec 21st from HootSuite
Parental responsibility? rt @kimota Just blogged: 18+ video games in Aus "Won't somebody think of the children?" http://bit.ly/5R52jX 2:31 PM Dec 16th from HootSuite
Wonderful to see a mother provide such a sterling example to her daughter - NOT. Kid bashes another and mother films it! http://ow.ly/I1dU 12:37 PM Dec 3rd from HootSuite
What do kids in care need? Stability. Our view on what that looks like and the benefits for a child in care http://ow.ly/HsQt 11:42 PM Dec 1st from HootSuite
Our view on Adoption Awareness week in Oz. Is adoption actively discouraged here? http://ow.ly/HsPo 11:40 PM Dec 1st from HootSuite
Children have expectations about daily life. Harder to handle for children in care are the expectations about birth parents. What to expect? 10:08 PM Nov 24th from HootSuite
When a child in care becomes more responsible and mature than the birth parent, what do you do? We can see this coming. http://ow.ly/CVmj 1:33 PM Nov 17th from HootSuite
Awesome post from fostercareinamerica - honest, practical, insightful. A must read. http://ow.ly/CVlS 1:32 PM Nov 17th from HootSuite
Interesting reader responses on News.com.au to Adoption Awareness Week report. Everyone has an opinion! http://ow.ly/CTh9 10:27 AM Nov 17th from HootSuite
@emqff Nationaladoptionweek is happening in the UK as well. http://ow.ly/CCM0 4:33 PM Nov 16th from HootSuite in reply to emqff
Furness calls on Government to create 'a dedicated agency with a parliamentary secretary to oversee the adoption process' http://ow.ly/CC7F 3:50 PM Nov 16th from HootSuite
Deborah-Lee Furness comes out fighting on Oz Govt's 'anti-adoption culture' http://ow.ly/CC66 3:48 PM Nov 16th from HootSuite
Adoption is viable solution for 'children stuck in foster care drift'. And to prevent kids drifting into foster care drift http://ow.ly/CC54 3:47 PM Nov 16th from HootSuite
It's National Adoption Awareness Week. There is a perception that Oz is reluctant to advocate adoption. http://ow.ly/CC3Y 3:46 PM Nov 16th from HootSuite
@jcflamini Agree - re @childrensrights. Lots of solid info in their report. Want to write more on it! 7:06 PM Nov 13th from HootSuite in reply to jcflamini
Really like this report from @childrensrights on NYC foster care, and the effort to bring kids to permanent families. http://ow.ly/BPB2 7:05 PM Nov 13th from HootSuite
Increase in number of children being taken into care post the Baby P case UK. Predictable? http://ow.ly/BOiS 4:40 PM Nov 13th from HootSuite
Irritating = news reports on children being taken into care on a single issue. Who doesn't understand the complexity? ttp://ow.ly/BOcJ 4:32 PM Nov 13th from HootSuite
Poor reporting from the journos - children removed from 'so-called fat family'. Called by whom? Not social workers http://ow.ly/BObS 4:30 PM Nov 13th from HootSuite
rt @childrensrights New report on Oklahoma child welfare: treatment of kids in foster care there is "immoral." http://is.gd/4SSRwdrensrights 10:15 AM Nov 12th from HootSuite
If you live in an apartment and have small children, check the safety of the windows and upgrade them if necessary http://ow.ly/Bc8t 2:08 PM Nov 11th from HootSuite
'Huge backlog' of cases in NT; - independent enquiry announced to report into the 'notification system' for child abuse http://ow.ly/BbPD 1:45 PM Nov 11th from HootSuite
When agencies can't work out what information can be shared people really do suffer JGOS (mental health service) http://ow.ly/BbNm 1:43 PM Nov 11th from HootSuite
rt @gauntlent rt @drewfromtv Follow me and LIVESTRONG gets 1 M Cancer DOLLARS help me reach1 m followers by 12/31/09 help save a life 11:52 AM Nov 10th from HootSuite
Babies having babies - 12 yr old who escaped proper supervision now has her own child http://ow.ly/ASIE 11:45 AM Nov 10th from HootSuite
Pew Report Only 6% of the adult population has no one who they consider to be “especially significant” in their life. http://ow.ly/ASFG 11:41 AM Nov 10th from HootSuite
Pew report on social isolation 'Only 6% of the adult population has no one with whom they can discuss important matters' http://ow.ly/ASF3 11:40 AM Nov 10th from HootSuite
the old adage - it takes a village to raise a child. http://bit.ly/eWnLe 1:12 PM Nov 6th from web
Medical world first saves baby's life - wonderful how this world of ours can collaborate http://ow.ly/zlgy 12:31 PM Nov 5th from HootSuite
'What do I call my foster carer? Whatever I choose just as long as I feel comfortable with it'. http://ow.ly/yNhC Sensible. 4:33 PM Nov 3rd from HootSuite
Useful publications for children in care from WA Govt - includes a charter of rights for children in care on page 20 http://ow.ly/yNfc 4:31 PM Nov 3rd from HootSuite
We are 'wired' similarly to degus (rodents) and so scientists can extrapolate the impact of single parents? Honestly. http://ow.ly/ygWQ 8:19 PM Nov 1st from HootSuite
Bad reporting 'Scientists are now finding that growing up without a father actually changes the way your brain develops.' http://ow.ly/ygVo 8:17 PM Nov 1st from HootSuite
Six dimensions of child well-being: material, housing, education, health, risk behaviours and quality of school life.http://ow.ly/xsIb 1:33 PM Oct 30th from HootSuite
Oh dear. How many things are wrong with this story. A Kiwi politician's answer to child abuse. http://ow.ly/xsxc 1:18 PM Oct 30th from HootSuite
Parents - become familiar with online tools so you can educate your children. Facebook hate sites are unacceptable! http://ow.ly/xspa 1:10 PM Oct 30th from HootSuite
There IS a link between diet and immune system http://ow.ly/xdva 12:53 PM Oct 29th from HootSuite
We like Chris Gardiner's article on the The Punch (CEO of PCYC) http://ow.ly/x00i so we wrote about it http://tinyurl.com/yhjshpp 12:57 AM Oct 29th from web
Kids need an adult committed to them, and not a committee of social workers and public servants: Chris Gardiner PCYC http://ow.ly/x00i 2:44 PM Oct 28th from HootSuite
intervention...must be built on an intense engagement around a single, consistent and strong adult relationship http://ow.ly/x004 2:43 PM Oct 28th from HootSuite
Failing kids, failing the community - good article in The Punch, re-socialising kids better than locking them up later on http://ow.ly/wZZm
Sammut: Community needs to accept that children in danger need to be removed, and the earlier the better for the child. http://ow.ly/R368 2 minutes ago from HootSuite
Creation of a stand alone dept that investigates reports of children at risk sorely needed and long overdue. Top priority. 3 minutes ago from HootSuite
NSW Govt throwing additional $300 million into support services for dysfunctional families after Wood Royal Commission. http://ow.ly/R34e 5 minutes ago from HootSuite
Sammut says DOCS budget was 'in excess of $1 billion last financial year'. That's a lot of shekels. http://ow.ly/R32J 6 minutes ago from HootSuite
Perhaps more honesty is needed about the real chances of solving drug abuse, mental illness and domestic violence in dysfunctional families? 9 minutes ago from HootSuite
Removal of 'at risk' children as a last resort can be a high risk policy. See Ebony and Dean Shillingsworth cases: http://ow.ly/R30b 10 minutes ago from HootSuite
Sammut comes out and says that family preservation - the current approach in child protection - is flawed: http://ow.ly/R2ZA 11 minutes ago from HootSuite
Two dreadful cases this year of parental neglect that were fatal for the children: Jeremy Sammut in the SMH http://ow.ly/R2YL 12 minutes ago from HootSuite
'Ghost Child' (Caroline Overington) available from Dymocks http://ow.ly/PPG4. If you are interested in children's rights - worth reading. 10:47 PM Dec 26th from HootSuite
Just read Caroline Overington's Ghost Child. Fiction - but some interesting and authentic perspectives from players in 'the system'. 10:43 PM Dec 26th from HootSuite
Hate to break it to you folks, but more money ain't gonna fix the social welfare system: http://ow.ly/PPzT 10:39 PM Dec 26th from HootSuite
We are not sure how much one-on-one our lovely Happy Camper got in her first years. Not much we suspect. Can you catch up? A resounding YES! 11:52 PM Dec 22nd from HootSuite
We read all the 'can do' advice for birth parents. And we realise that our small bundle of humanity might have missed out on lots of that. 11:48 PM Dec 22nd from HootSuite
We are tired at the end of the year and so it is very easy to scoff at all the rubbish on Twitter. 3:03 AM Dec 21st from HootSuite
Parental responsibility? rt @kimota Just blogged: 18+ video games in Aus "Won't somebody think of the children?" http://bit.ly/5R52jX 2:31 PM Dec 16th from HootSuite
Wonderful to see a mother provide such a sterling example to her daughter - NOT. Kid bashes another and mother films it! http://ow.ly/I1dU 12:37 PM Dec 3rd from HootSuite
What do kids in care need? Stability. Our view on what that looks like and the benefits for a child in care http://ow.ly/HsQt 11:42 PM Dec 1st from HootSuite
Our view on Adoption Awareness week in Oz. Is adoption actively discouraged here? http://ow.ly/HsPo 11:40 PM Dec 1st from HootSuite
Children have expectations about daily life. Harder to handle for children in care are the expectations about birth parents. What to expect? 10:08 PM Nov 24th from HootSuite
When a child in care becomes more responsible and mature than the birth parent, what do you do? We can see this coming. http://ow.ly/CVmj 1:33 PM Nov 17th from HootSuite
Awesome post from fostercareinamerica - honest, practical, insightful. A must read. http://ow.ly/CVlS 1:32 PM Nov 17th from HootSuite
Interesting reader responses on News.com.au to Adoption Awareness Week report. Everyone has an opinion! http://ow.ly/CTh9 10:27 AM Nov 17th from HootSuite
@emqff Nationaladoptionweek is happening in the UK as well. http://ow.ly/CCM0 4:33 PM Nov 16th from HootSuite in reply to emqff
Furness calls on Government to create 'a dedicated agency with a parliamentary secretary to oversee the adoption process' http://ow.ly/CC7F 3:50 PM Nov 16th from HootSuite
Deborah-Lee Furness comes out fighting on Oz Govt's 'anti-adoption culture' http://ow.ly/CC66 3:48 PM Nov 16th from HootSuite
Adoption is viable solution for 'children stuck in foster care drift'. And to prevent kids drifting into foster care drift http://ow.ly/CC54 3:47 PM Nov 16th from HootSuite
It's National Adoption Awareness Week. There is a perception that Oz is reluctant to advocate adoption. http://ow.ly/CC3Y 3:46 PM Nov 16th from HootSuite
@jcflamini Agree - re @childrensrights. Lots of solid info in their report. Want to write more on it! 7:06 PM Nov 13th from HootSuite in reply to jcflamini
Really like this report from @childrensrights on NYC foster care, and the effort to bring kids to permanent families. http://ow.ly/BPB2 7:05 PM Nov 13th from HootSuite
Increase in number of children being taken into care post the Baby P case UK. Predictable? http://ow.ly/BOiS 4:40 PM Nov 13th from HootSuite
Irritating = news reports on children being taken into care on a single issue. Who doesn't understand the complexity? ttp://ow.ly/BOcJ 4:32 PM Nov 13th from HootSuite
Poor reporting from the journos - children removed from 'so-called fat family'. Called by whom? Not social workers http://ow.ly/BObS 4:30 PM Nov 13th from HootSuite
rt @childrensrights New report on Oklahoma child welfare: treatment of kids in foster care there is "immoral." http://is.gd/4SSRwdrensrights 10:15 AM Nov 12th from HootSuite
If you live in an apartment and have small children, check the safety of the windows and upgrade them if necessary http://ow.ly/Bc8t 2:08 PM Nov 11th from HootSuite
'Huge backlog' of cases in NT; - independent enquiry announced to report into the 'notification system' for child abuse http://ow.ly/BbPD 1:45 PM Nov 11th from HootSuite
When agencies can't work out what information can be shared people really do suffer JGOS (mental health service) http://ow.ly/BbNm 1:43 PM Nov 11th from HootSuite
rt @gauntlent rt @drewfromtv Follow me and LIVESTRONG gets 1 M Cancer DOLLARS help me reach1 m followers by 12/31/09 help save a life 11:52 AM Nov 10th from HootSuite
Babies having babies - 12 yr old who escaped proper supervision now has her own child http://ow.ly/ASIE 11:45 AM Nov 10th from HootSuite
Pew Report Only 6% of the adult population has no one who they consider to be “especially significant” in their life. http://ow.ly/ASFG 11:41 AM Nov 10th from HootSuite
Pew report on social isolation 'Only 6% of the adult population has no one with whom they can discuss important matters' http://ow.ly/ASF3 11:40 AM Nov 10th from HootSuite
the old adage - it takes a village to raise a child. http://bit.ly/eWnLe 1:12 PM Nov 6th from web
Medical world first saves baby's life - wonderful how this world of ours can collaborate http://ow.ly/zlgy 12:31 PM Nov 5th from HootSuite
'What do I call my foster carer? Whatever I choose just as long as I feel comfortable with it'. http://ow.ly/yNhC Sensible. 4:33 PM Nov 3rd from HootSuite
Useful publications for children in care from WA Govt - includes a charter of rights for children in care on page 20 http://ow.ly/yNfc 4:31 PM Nov 3rd from HootSuite
We are 'wired' similarly to degus (rodents) and so scientists can extrapolate the impact of single parents? Honestly. http://ow.ly/ygWQ 8:19 PM Nov 1st from HootSuite
Bad reporting 'Scientists are now finding that growing up without a father actually changes the way your brain develops.' http://ow.ly/ygVo 8:17 PM Nov 1st from HootSuite
Six dimensions of child well-being: material, housing, education, health, risk behaviours and quality of school life.http://ow.ly/xsIb 1:33 PM Oct 30th from HootSuite
Oh dear. How many things are wrong with this story. A Kiwi politician's answer to child abuse. http://ow.ly/xsxc 1:18 PM Oct 30th from HootSuite
Parents - become familiar with online tools so you can educate your children. Facebook hate sites are unacceptable! http://ow.ly/xspa 1:10 PM Oct 30th from HootSuite
There IS a link between diet and immune system http://ow.ly/xdva 12:53 PM Oct 29th from HootSuite
We like Chris Gardiner's article on the The Punch (CEO of PCYC) http://ow.ly/x00i so we wrote about it http://tinyurl.com/yhjshpp 12:57 AM Oct 29th from web
Kids need an adult committed to them, and not a committee of social workers and public servants: Chris Gardiner PCYC http://ow.ly/x00i 2:44 PM Oct 28th from HootSuite
intervention...must be built on an intense engagement around a single, consistent and strong adult relationship http://ow.ly/x004 2:43 PM Oct 28th from HootSuite
Failing kids, failing the community - good article in The Punch, re-socialising kids better than locking them up later on http://ow.ly/wZZm
Twitter stream to 27-10-09
We post links daily on Twitter to many articles we come across. They are often news reports or research studies that may be relevant to children in care, or to children generally.
We usually manage to provide our blunt opinion with them. While we try hard to be constructive on www.fostercarer.com.au, you’ll see we have a bit more fun with our tweets.
In case you missed them (or heaven forbid, you don’t follow us!) here is a list of our last couple of weeks’ tweets. Oh, and you’ll find the most recent posts at the top. So if you are unfamiliar with Twitter then you should read from the bottom of the post up.
Child protection workers raised 'serious concerns' about an adult's capability to care for a child but no one acted. Why? http://ow.ly/wvZH about 18 hours ago from HootSuite
And on the flip side, parenting is now a competition sport? Its one extreme to the other, isn't it. http://ow.ly/wvkF about 20 hours ago from HootSuite
Beyond belief that parents would let a child suffer because they are fearful of losing her. Or is it? http://ow.ly/wv6j about 21 hours ago from HootSuite
What is the test parents must pass if they have lost custody of a child, before that child or another is returned to them? http://ow.ly/wv5y about 21 hours ago from HootSuite
Good to see technology used to protect children's rights and wellbeing 'kidnapped child found through global money trail' http://ow.ly/vQ2G 3:13 PM Oct 22nd from HootSuite
Mental impairment defence for dad accused of throwing daughter from bridge. Not surprising. http://ow.ly/vPZW 3:09 PM Oct 22nd from HootSuite
Was about to huff about the guidelines but if those TV stats are true then we need more education out there! http://ow.ly/vNx5 9:46 AM Oct 22nd from HootSuite
'four-month-old babies watch 44 minutes of TV daily ...under-fours spend at least three hours a day in front of TV' (ACMA) http://ow.ly/vNwA 9:45 AM Oct 22nd from HootSuite
New parenting guidelines for parents - Don't force your kids to clear their plates at meal times. http://ow.ly/vNvp 9:42 AM Oct 22nd from HootSuite
rt Bckpck4AusKids 5 computers to give to long term foster/kinship carers! The computers are not new and fancy but ... http://bit.ly/r8zDL 1:57 PM Oct 21st from HootSuite
Foster care allowance is lower than this average cost of raising a child 'til 5. After 5 it is even more expensive! http://ow.ly/vAwG 1:54 PM Oct 21st from HootSuite
Small person is squealing with delight doing www.readingeggs.com. Really cool site for spelling and word skills for the under 10's.7:33 PM Oct 20th from HootSuite
Sue Price Men's Rights Agency: 'reasonable contact'. That's the issue - what's reasonable for the child? http://ow.ly/vn8N 4:00 PM Oct 20th from HootSuite
Submission: Family Court to consider parenting roles played by each parent pre-separation before deciding on roles after http://ow.ly/vn0l 3:38 PM Oct 20th from HootSuite
'Children under the current system DO NOT HAVE A VOICE' Submission on Shared parenting rollback - http://ow.ly/vmSp 3:31 PM Oct 20th from HootSuite
What a shame - child abduction hoax: rt @mashable WARNING: “98B351″ AMBER Alert Hoax Still Spreading on Twitter, Facebook - http://bit.ly/3v 10:35 PM Oct 15th from HootSuite
The results of a poor decision in child welfare can scar a child for life. http://ow.ly/uv8J Maybe we need an insurance scheme? 4:02 PM Oct 15th from HootSuite
You can sue a lawyer or a doctor for malpractice - should caseworkers be accountable to the same degree? http://ow.ly/uv8n
While we don't agree with punishment for caseworkers who make errors, we do agree accountability needs to be there http://ow.ly/uv7S 3:41 PM Oct 15th from HootSuite
When the current ideology is restitution with bio family @PruGoward, maybe social workers can argue just following orders? http://ow.ly/ujBL 8:52 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
That'll help recruitment and retention @PruGoward (not). Criminal charges for caseworkers who get it wrong http://ow.ly/ujBm 8:50 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
'Ms Goward said the prospect of punishment for caseworkers could provide better outcomes.' REALLY BAD IDEA http://ow.ly/ujyY 8:45 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
To quote @jcflamini (who knows of what she speaks), 'sometimes the state should not give repeat chances to failing parents' 4:26 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
'A desire to keep children with their families would not change, Ms Burney said.' No, 'keeping with' and 'returning to' are very different. 4:25 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
There are many serious long term impacts of returning children to bio families again, and again, and again. Our post: http://ow.ly/uijV 4:23 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
Is the ideology and desire to return children to bio family overriding their safety? Here's an example of where it did http://ow.ly/uijr 4:21 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
'A BABY girl severely injured since being put in the care of relatives after DOCS took her from a foster family'. http://ow.ly/uiiI 4:19 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
Pre-emptive strike: we teach the Camper that advertising is a crock, and you can't believe what you see in mags #bodyimage http://ow.ly/uh6E 12:59 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
A Youth Advisory Board? Now there's an idea for children's services in Oz. Example here from the US. http://ow.ly/u4U3 3:18 PM Oct 13th from HootSuite
No TV for toddlers? The point is not only quantity, but QUALITY. http://ow.ly/u4Sn 3:13 PM Oct 13th from HootSuite
Just completed the NAPCAN survey on child abuse and neglect - please contribute! http://ow.ly/u3Ff 12:06 PM Oct 13th from HootSuite
RT @colgo too much research flying at parents, maybe they just shouldn't have kids? http://bit.ly/5ASmG 11:48 AM Oct 13th from HootSuite
We usually manage to provide our blunt opinion with them. While we try hard to be constructive on www.fostercarer.com.au, you’ll see we have a bit more fun with our tweets.
In case you missed them (or heaven forbid, you don’t follow us!) here is a list of our last couple of weeks’ tweets. Oh, and you’ll find the most recent posts at the top. So if you are unfamiliar with Twitter then you should read from the bottom of the post up.
Child protection workers raised 'serious concerns' about an adult's capability to care for a child but no one acted. Why? http://ow.ly/wvZH about 18 hours ago from HootSuite
And on the flip side, parenting is now a competition sport? Its one extreme to the other, isn't it. http://ow.ly/wvkF about 20 hours ago from HootSuite
Beyond belief that parents would let a child suffer because they are fearful of losing her. Or is it? http://ow.ly/wv6j about 21 hours ago from HootSuite
What is the test parents must pass if they have lost custody of a child, before that child or another is returned to them? http://ow.ly/wv5y about 21 hours ago from HootSuite
Good to see technology used to protect children's rights and wellbeing 'kidnapped child found through global money trail' http://ow.ly/vQ2G 3:13 PM Oct 22nd from HootSuite
Mental impairment defence for dad accused of throwing daughter from bridge. Not surprising. http://ow.ly/vPZW 3:09 PM Oct 22nd from HootSuite
Was about to huff about the guidelines but if those TV stats are true then we need more education out there! http://ow.ly/vNx5 9:46 AM Oct 22nd from HootSuite
'four-month-old babies watch 44 minutes of TV daily ...under-fours spend at least three hours a day in front of TV' (ACMA) http://ow.ly/vNwA 9:45 AM Oct 22nd from HootSuite
New parenting guidelines for parents - Don't force your kids to clear their plates at meal times. http://ow.ly/vNvp 9:42 AM Oct 22nd from HootSuite
rt Bckpck4AusKids 5 computers to give to long term foster/kinship carers! The computers are not new and fancy but ... http://bit.ly/r8zDL 1:57 PM Oct 21st from HootSuite
Foster care allowance is lower than this average cost of raising a child 'til 5. After 5 it is even more expensive! http://ow.ly/vAwG 1:54 PM Oct 21st from HootSuite
Small person is squealing with delight doing www.readingeggs.com. Really cool site for spelling and word skills for the under 10's.7:33 PM Oct 20th from HootSuite
Sue Price Men's Rights Agency: 'reasonable contact'. That's the issue - what's reasonable for the child? http://ow.ly/vn8N 4:00 PM Oct 20th from HootSuite
Submission: Family Court to consider parenting roles played by each parent pre-separation before deciding on roles after http://ow.ly/vn0l 3:38 PM Oct 20th from HootSuite
'Children under the current system DO NOT HAVE A VOICE' Submission on Shared parenting rollback - http://ow.ly/vmSp 3:31 PM Oct 20th from HootSuite
What a shame - child abduction hoax: rt @mashable WARNING: “98B351″ AMBER Alert Hoax Still Spreading on Twitter, Facebook - http://bit.ly/3v 10:35 PM Oct 15th from HootSuite
The results of a poor decision in child welfare can scar a child for life. http://ow.ly/uv8J Maybe we need an insurance scheme? 4:02 PM Oct 15th from HootSuite
You can sue a lawyer or a doctor for malpractice - should caseworkers be accountable to the same degree? http://ow.ly/uv8n
While we don't agree with punishment for caseworkers who make errors, we do agree accountability needs to be there http://ow.ly/uv7S 3:41 PM Oct 15th from HootSuite
When the current ideology is restitution with bio family @PruGoward, maybe social workers can argue just following orders? http://ow.ly/ujBL 8:52 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
That'll help recruitment and retention @PruGoward (not). Criminal charges for caseworkers who get it wrong http://ow.ly/ujBm 8:50 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
'Ms Goward said the prospect of punishment for caseworkers could provide better outcomes.' REALLY BAD IDEA http://ow.ly/ujyY 8:45 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
To quote @jcflamini (who knows of what she speaks), 'sometimes the state should not give repeat chances to failing parents' 4:26 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
'A desire to keep children with their families would not change, Ms Burney said.' No, 'keeping with' and 'returning to' are very different. 4:25 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
There are many serious long term impacts of returning children to bio families again, and again, and again. Our post: http://ow.ly/uijV 4:23 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
Is the ideology and desire to return children to bio family overriding their safety? Here's an example of where it did http://ow.ly/uijr 4:21 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
'A BABY girl severely injured since being put in the care of relatives after DOCS took her from a foster family'. http://ow.ly/uiiI 4:19 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
Pre-emptive strike: we teach the Camper that advertising is a crock, and you can't believe what you see in mags #bodyimage http://ow.ly/uh6E 12:59 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
A Youth Advisory Board? Now there's an idea for children's services in Oz. Example here from the US. http://ow.ly/u4U3 3:18 PM Oct 13th from HootSuite
No TV for toddlers? The point is not only quantity, but QUALITY. http://ow.ly/u4Sn 3:13 PM Oct 13th from HootSuite
Just completed the NAPCAN survey on child abuse and neglect - please contribute! http://ow.ly/u3Ff 12:06 PM Oct 13th from HootSuite
RT @colgo too much research flying at parents, maybe they just shouldn't have kids? http://bit.ly/5ASmG 11:48 AM Oct 13th from HootSuite
Agencies' neglect fatal for Ebony
There are a few circumstances in life where one mistake can be fatal. But in most cases, adults are usually involved. Adults choose to put themselves at risk.
Small children don’t choose to put themselves at risk.
Not in relation to the fundamentals – like love, family, care, learning. They rely on adults to protect them. They rely first on their parents. And our child protection system is set up to monitor, and manage, when parents fail. We expect it to work. But if the parents fail, and then the system fails, a child can die.
So what an absolute tragedy to read about a child in New South Wales who starved to death while in the care of her parents. No child should go through what Ebony went through. If ‘the system’ is the last line of defence, then it’s a huge responsibility for the people who work in ‘the system’.
We know when software fails. We know when a company fails. We know when some appliance fails. Do we know when a parent fails? You don’t just get a blue computer screen. In many cases it is not just one event that makes it obvious you have a #parentfail.
But when the risk of not acting is a child’s life, you may ask why on earth someone didn’t do something?
One of the newspaper reports stated that DoCs had ‘failed to convince the Children's Court to remove Ebony and her two older sisters from their parents, despite the fact Ebony's younger sister had been removed’. So the ‘system’ had a ‘fail’ at what appears in hindsight to have been the right course of action? Why?
The Ombudsman concluded that Ebony’s case "illustrates very clearly what can go wrong for children when agencies fail to work effectively, fail to work together and fail to take shared responsibility for the care and protection of children".
No kidding.
Small children don’t choose to put themselves at risk.
Not in relation to the fundamentals – like love, family, care, learning. They rely on adults to protect them. They rely first on their parents. And our child protection system is set up to monitor, and manage, when parents fail. We expect it to work. But if the parents fail, and then the system fails, a child can die.
So what an absolute tragedy to read about a child in New South Wales who starved to death while in the care of her parents. No child should go through what Ebony went through. If ‘the system’ is the last line of defence, then it’s a huge responsibility for the people who work in ‘the system’.
We know when software fails. We know when a company fails. We know when some appliance fails. Do we know when a parent fails? You don’t just get a blue computer screen. In many cases it is not just one event that makes it obvious you have a #parentfail.
But when the risk of not acting is a child’s life, you may ask why on earth someone didn’t do something?
- Is it because the online forums are full of condemnation at the apparent ease with which we remove children from biological parents who don’t care properly for them?
- Is it because we hear from children who have been in care that they have never managed to deal with, or been given the support to cope with, being removed from their birth parents?
- Is it because psychologists have studies that tell us that even a poor biological family is better than removing a child from them?
- Is it because the ideology favours family support and keeping a family together, no matter what?
- Is it because none of the ‘systems’ or agencies that look out for a child in NSW are linked?
- Is it because no one is able to see the complete picture?
- Is it because worker turnover meant there was never one worker with the family history?
- Is it because the processes in the main organisation charged with the responsibilities for children at risk simply don’t work?
One of the newspaper reports stated that DoCs had ‘failed to convince the Children's Court to remove Ebony and her two older sisters from their parents, despite the fact Ebony's younger sister had been removed’. So the ‘system’ had a ‘fail’ at what appears in hindsight to have been the right course of action? Why?
The Ombudsman concluded that Ebony’s case "illustrates very clearly what can go wrong for children when agencies fail to work effectively, fail to work together and fail to take shared responsibility for the care and protection of children".
No kidding.
- Agencies failing to work effectively means process improvement is required.
- Agencies failing to work together means no links (technical or personal), no reason to share and no habit of collaboration. Links need to be built and people need to be trained in collaborating. Having worked with social workers who didn’t even like collaborating with us, we suspect there’s a cultural issue to address in some sectors as well.
- Shared responsibility? That means all of us. Courts, system and community. This isn’t just a DoCS problem.
Details on children kept from foster carers
‘Thousands of foster carers are welcoming children into their homes without being given the full facts about the children’s past, including whether they were victims of abuse’.
We put the link to this Times Online (UK) article on Twitter, and quickly got a response:
11:25pm, Sep 17 from Web
feeling this first hand
The report came from Fostering Network, which represents 43,000 carers in Britain. A couple of court rulings had opened the door for local authorities to be sued if they didn’t meet their duty of care to foster families.
The statistics were blunt – more than 51% of carers in the UK say that they have been given inadequate information about a child in their care, which has put themselves, their own children and even the foster child at risk. A full 30% weren’t told about the child’s medical requirements, 50% were not informed about a history of abuse, and 75% said that they were not made aware of the child’s general behaviour.
This is not an uncommon problem. In the early years it may be critical to understanding the child’s behaviour and health, and as they get older it may be essential to help them understand their past and their birth family.
When the turnover of workers is high (average we’ve heard for DoCS in Oz is about a year, and even in private agencies it runs at about 2 years), and if a child has moved placements a great deal, who on earth has any history for this child?
Oh, that’s right, the system does. (Btw, this is why life story work, however you may do that, is critical for these kids. More on that later.)
So what’s the problem with getting the right information to carers? The case file on a child who comes into your care may:
Why can’t carers see the child’s files, you might ask? We actually don’t think that’s a good idea. There are privacy issues relating to information in there about people other than the child. Carers need to retain some objectivity about birth parents and families. You need a good relationship with them for the child’s sake, and reading what might be a troubled history, that you will make a judgement on, might actually stop you doing that.
What needs to happen is for the files to be reproduced for the carers, with all the facts relevant to the child, but with none of the other stuff.
When the general consensus seems to be that many of our workers are overloaded, it’s not surprising that paperwork isn’t their first priority.
The people to do, what would essentially be a ‘sifting’ job, need to understand privacy, and they need to understand which facts are relevant to the child’s history. So why not find some lawyers, or social workers, who want to work part time? Get them in, make them sign a confidentiality agreement, and get them at it.
We think some rigour needs to be directed at solving these problems. Outsourcing a task is common in business, provided risk and privacy is managed well.
And as the survey shows, there is real risk to the foster family and the child if information is not forthcoming. ‘Flying blind’ can be fun sometimes, but not for a foster carer struggling to understand, manage and care for a small person.
We put the link to this Times Online (UK) article on Twitter, and quickly got a response:
11:25pm, Sep 17 from Web
feeling this first hand
The report came from Fostering Network, which represents 43,000 carers in Britain. A couple of court rulings had opened the door for local authorities to be sued if they didn’t meet their duty of care to foster families.
The statistics were blunt – more than 51% of carers in the UK say that they have been given inadequate information about a child in their care, which has put themselves, their own children and even the foster child at risk. A full 30% weren’t told about the child’s medical requirements, 50% were not informed about a history of abuse, and 75% said that they were not made aware of the child’s general behaviour.
This is not an uncommon problem. In the early years it may be critical to understanding the child’s behaviour and health, and as they get older it may be essential to help them understand their past and their birth family.
When the turnover of workers is high (average we’ve heard for DoCS in Oz is about a year, and even in private agencies it runs at about 2 years), and if a child has moved placements a great deal, who on earth has any history for this child?
Oh, that’s right, the system does. (Btw, this is why life story work, however you may do that, is critical for these kids. More on that later.)
So what’s the problem with getting the right information to carers? The case file on a child who comes into your care may:
- Be very large
- Contain information that is not relevant to the child in your care (for example information about birth family)
- Contain highly sensitive, prejudicial or private information about someone other than your foster child,
- Be very large – oh, we said that.
Why can’t carers see the child’s files, you might ask? We actually don’t think that’s a good idea. There are privacy issues relating to information in there about people other than the child. Carers need to retain some objectivity about birth parents and families. You need a good relationship with them for the child’s sake, and reading what might be a troubled history, that you will make a judgement on, might actually stop you doing that.
What needs to happen is for the files to be reproduced for the carers, with all the facts relevant to the child, but with none of the other stuff.
When the general consensus seems to be that many of our workers are overloaded, it’s not surprising that paperwork isn’t their first priority.
The people to do, what would essentially be a ‘sifting’ job, need to understand privacy, and they need to understand which facts are relevant to the child’s history. So why not find some lawyers, or social workers, who want to work part time? Get them in, make them sign a confidentiality agreement, and get them at it.
We think some rigour needs to be directed at solving these problems. Outsourcing a task is common in business, provided risk and privacy is managed well.
And as the survey shows, there is real risk to the foster family and the child if information is not forthcoming. ‘Flying blind’ can be fun sometimes, but not for a foster carer struggling to understand, manage and care for a small person.
You can't force a relationship
‘THE Family Court has warned separated parents that they are required to hand over children for access visits, whether the children want to go or not.
While parents don't have to "physically drag" the children to the other parent, they do have to "positively encourage" them to go, and punish those who refuse.’
This quote is from an article in The Australian. The Family Court is saying that a parent should punish a child who refuses to abide by any orders made about their access with other parents. If ever there was an example of parental rights walking rough-shod over the well-being of a child, and enshrined in law, this is it.
So it struck a chord with us. Because at some stage your foster child might not want to go to a contact visit to meet with members of their birth family.
Their reaction, and how you and the support network handles it, will depend on the child, the birth family, and the stage of understanding and development the child is at. It will also depend on how skilled your social worker is, and what the social worker’s agenda is.
The article bothers us, not least because a Family Court Judge appears to be slavishly adopting what we have come to think of as dodgy law. Law becomes dodgy when it is high-jacked by interest groups, and driven by a political agenda.
It bothers us because, as Pragnell says, ‘how can it be in (a child’s) best interests to force them into a relationship?’
We’ve seen social workers ‘play God’ (and we don’t use that expression lightly) with foster children’s relationships for many, many years. We’ve seen foster families denied any follow up relationship with a foster child after a placement has ended, despite the fact that relationship was the longest and most stable of the child’s life. And we’ve experienced contact visits with birth family being managed aggressively by the social workers. Here’s a sample of what can happen:
You can’t force a relationship.
Here’s what can happen if a foster child is forced into a relationship:
But the system should tread softly for the children’s sake. There are no hard and fast rules or policy, not if you accept that every child is an individual. What is in the child’s best interest at that point in time, considering their age, circumstances, development and security, should prevail.
What should you, as a foster parent, do in these circumstances if you see a relationship being forced? Stand up for your foster child. Support what you think is best for them. Fight if you have to. We’ve done it.
While parents don't have to "physically drag" the children to the other parent, they do have to "positively encourage" them to go, and punish those who refuse.’
This quote is from an article in The Australian. The Family Court is saying that a parent should punish a child who refuses to abide by any orders made about their access with other parents. If ever there was an example of parental rights walking rough-shod over the well-being of a child, and enshrined in law, this is it.
So it struck a chord with us. Because at some stage your foster child might not want to go to a contact visit to meet with members of their birth family.
Their reaction, and how you and the support network handles it, will depend on the child, the birth family, and the stage of understanding and development the child is at. It will also depend on how skilled your social worker is, and what the social worker’s agenda is.
The article bothers us, not least because a Family Court Judge appears to be slavishly adopting what we have come to think of as dodgy law. Law becomes dodgy when it is high-jacked by interest groups, and driven by a political agenda.
It bothers us because, as Pragnell says, ‘how can it be in (a child’s) best interests to force them into a relationship?’
We’ve seen social workers ‘play God’ (and we don’t use that expression lightly) with foster children’s relationships for many, many years. We’ve seen foster families denied any follow up relationship with a foster child after a placement has ended, despite the fact that relationship was the longest and most stable of the child’s life. And we’ve experienced contact visits with birth family being managed aggressively by the social workers. Here’s a sample of what can happen:
- Members of the foster family are told not to attend. This might be despite the fact that the child is now drawing great comfort and stability from the newly forming foster relationships, and needs them even more when confronted by birth family.
- Any and all members of birth family are entitled to turn up, no notice required. So when a child is dealing with who their birth family members are and the part they play in their life, another one can appear. And just as quickly disappear.
- Social workers take an active role in access and facilitate (or force - depends on your viewpoint) intervention between the child and members of their birth family. These can be quite full on commands to a child, and very difficult for you to manage.
You can’t force a relationship.
Here’s what can happen if a foster child is forced into a relationship:
- You run the risk of alienating the child towards their birth family.
- Pushing an aggressive agenda of interaction risks the child losing trust in the social worker.
- Forcing a relationship between foster child and birth family risks the child losing faith in their foster parent. ‘You’re not in control of this’ they will say to you. ‘You can’t help me’.
But the system should tread softly for the children’s sake. There are no hard and fast rules or policy, not if you accept that every child is an individual. What is in the child’s best interest at that point in time, considering their age, circumstances, development and security, should prevail.
What should you, as a foster parent, do in these circumstances if you see a relationship being forced? Stand up for your foster child. Support what you think is best for them. Fight if you have to. We’ve done it.
Attachment issues for children in foster care
The next section of the superb article from the American Academy of Pediatrics covers attachment. Specifically, what is required in order for a child to develop into a healthy human being. Again, we will put the report in our own words in the hope that we can make it a little more accessible.
Not surprisingly, the child needs a relationship with an adult who exhibits the behaviour of a loving, caring parent – nurturing, protection, trust and security. Attachment refers to the relationship between a child and another – that is, two people, and forms the basis for long term relationships.
They state that attachment is an active process. By that they mean something is always happening regarding attachment for children. Children in a poor family circumstance don’t go into limbo while parents and support agencies work things out (we’ve said that before and we’ll say it again.) So attachment at such a time can be both insecure and maladaptive – meaning faulty or inadequate. The child may be actively learning that attachment is faulty, or insecure, or inadequate, not healthy, or enduring, or wonderful.
And in case anyone was wondering: ‘attachment to a primary caregiver (…who provides nurturing, protection, trust and security…) is essential to the development of emotional security and social conscience’ (page 1146).
So far so clear. Attachment issues affect self-esteem and long term relationships. What else?
The article states that the ‘optimal’ child development occurs when a range of the child’s needs are consistently met over an extended period. We’ve paraphrased this concept before and made it personal to us: the Camper deserves to know that there is another day tomorrow that will be, in relation to all the essential elements like nurturing, protection, trust and security, exactly the same as the one she has just had.
And it goes the other way too. Successful parenting is based on a healthy, respectful and long-lasting relationship with the child. In many cases it is highly likely that a birth parent never had this opportunity with their parent, and was unable to provide it for their child. So the cycle begins.
It is the process of parenting – looking after the child’s emotional and psychological needs, as well as their biological needs – that leads a child to perceive a particular adult as his or her parent. And that’s the person they attach to. And the strength of that relationship plays a big part in helping a child overcome early stress or trauma.
So the real risk for children in and out of foster care is that they might fail to form healthy attachments to anyone. They don’t have an adult who is devoted to them, and who accepts and values them for the long term. And in our experience, many of the interactions with both workers and birth family, unless handled with great skill and care, can undermine the forming of that attachment and cause the child more stress and insecurity.
Separation during the first year of life, especially in the first 6 months, may not have a negative effect on social or emotional development.
Separations between 6 months and 3 years of age, if they come about as a result of family breakdown and disruption, are more likely to have ongoing emotional consequences for the child. This is partly due to their age and how they feel around strangers, but also because they do not have the language skills at this age to fully express themselves and make sense of it.
Children older than 3 years when placed with a new family are likely to have the language skills to help them deal with the change. They are at an age where they are able to form strong attachments.
The section concludes with the statement ‘the emotional consequences of multiple placements or disruptions are likely to be harmful at any age.’
So we need to provide stability and long term nurturing for these children? Doesn’t sound too hard, does it?
Not surprisingly, the child needs a relationship with an adult who exhibits the behaviour of a loving, caring parent – nurturing, protection, trust and security. Attachment refers to the relationship between a child and another – that is, two people, and forms the basis for long term relationships.
They state that attachment is an active process. By that they mean something is always happening regarding attachment for children. Children in a poor family circumstance don’t go into limbo while parents and support agencies work things out (we’ve said that before and we’ll say it again.) So attachment at such a time can be both insecure and maladaptive – meaning faulty or inadequate. The child may be actively learning that attachment is faulty, or insecure, or inadequate, not healthy, or enduring, or wonderful.
And in case anyone was wondering: ‘attachment to a primary caregiver (…who provides nurturing, protection, trust and security…) is essential to the development of emotional security and social conscience’ (page 1146).
So far so clear. Attachment issues affect self-esteem and long term relationships. What else?
The article states that the ‘optimal’ child development occurs when a range of the child’s needs are consistently met over an extended period. We’ve paraphrased this concept before and made it personal to us: the Camper deserves to know that there is another day tomorrow that will be, in relation to all the essential elements like nurturing, protection, trust and security, exactly the same as the one she has just had.
And it goes the other way too. Successful parenting is based on a healthy, respectful and long-lasting relationship with the child. In many cases it is highly likely that a birth parent never had this opportunity with their parent, and was unable to provide it for their child. So the cycle begins.
It is the process of parenting – looking after the child’s emotional and psychological needs, as well as their biological needs – that leads a child to perceive a particular adult as his or her parent. And that’s the person they attach to. And the strength of that relationship plays a big part in helping a child overcome early stress or trauma.
So the real risk for children in and out of foster care is that they might fail to form healthy attachments to anyone. They don’t have an adult who is devoted to them, and who accepts and values them for the long term. And in our experience, many of the interactions with both workers and birth family, unless handled with great skill and care, can undermine the forming of that attachment and cause the child more stress and insecurity.
Separation during the first year of life, especially in the first 6 months, may not have a negative effect on social or emotional development.
Separations between 6 months and 3 years of age, if they come about as a result of family breakdown and disruption, are more likely to have ongoing emotional consequences for the child. This is partly due to their age and how they feel around strangers, but also because they do not have the language skills at this age to fully express themselves and make sense of it.
Children older than 3 years when placed with a new family are likely to have the language skills to help them deal with the change. They are at an age where they are able to form strong attachments.
The section concludes with the statement ‘the emotional consequences of multiple placements or disruptions are likely to be harmful at any age.’
So we need to provide stability and long term nurturing for these children? Doesn’t sound too hard, does it?
Who should assess whether families are at risk?
Every so often a very provocative article comes across our desk.
There are very frank conversations that should happen in relation to children’s services, but we’re not sure they happen very often, if at all.
So it’s refreshing to see a completely different viewpoint offered, especially by someone with relevant experience.
This article is quite challenging. Here James Barber suggests that there are people better qualified than social workers to assess families most at risk.
We’ll write more about it soon.
There are very frank conversations that should happen in relation to children’s services, but we’re not sure they happen very often, if at all.
So it’s refreshing to see a completely different viewpoint offered, especially by someone with relevant experience.
This article is quite challenging. Here James Barber suggests that there are people better qualified than social workers to assess families most at risk.
We’ll write more about it soon.
A child's right to privacy
As foster carers who have a front row seat on how the system should work better, we’d like to inject a note of caution in response to The Australian’s editorial A Dangerous Secrecy (11/06/09).
It was part of the Oz’s reporting on eight children taken into care.
The editorial comments that ‘It is not abused and neglected children who are damaged by publicity, it is the people who hurt them’.
We don’t have a problem with publicity as long as it gets something fixed. We don’t have a problem with freer constraints on reporting matters of public interest, as long as it is done very, very carefully. We’ve asked before whether more information from skilful journos may be in order (see our previous post Reporting more detail on children in care?)
But a child in care has the right to grow up with the privacy the rest of us enjoy. They have enough issues to deal with in relation to who they are and where they came from. They do not need details of their lives spread out for all in their community to read, and remember.
You may face this privacy issue quite regularly in your role as carer. There are instances where adults who find out you are carers launch into twenty questions. Their motives vary.
What happened? they’ll ask.
What are the circumstances with birth family?
Sometimes people even try to be helpful: Were there drugs or mental health or violence or neglect or abandonment or health or developmental delay or behaviour issues?
So what do you say? You may feel cornered, and you may try to stumble through some explanation.
Here’s what we would say, with a smile: ‘Oh, we’re not at liberty to go into any of that with anyone outside the child’s immediate family’. If pushed, we will elaborate further with: ‘All of that information is private to the child’. And if we think a further explanation might make them think twice about being quite so intrusive next time, we might finish with: ‘The child does not deserve to have the details of their private life shared with anyone other than their immediate family’. Keep smiling while you say it, you’d be surprised how that diffuses things.
These children aren’t public property. And we need to be careful not to use them as such, even if our intention is to try to fix the system.
It was part of the Oz’s reporting on eight children taken into care.
The editorial comments that ‘It is not abused and neglected children who are damaged by publicity, it is the people who hurt them’.
We don’t have a problem with publicity as long as it gets something fixed. We don’t have a problem with freer constraints on reporting matters of public interest, as long as it is done very, very carefully. We’ve asked before whether more information from skilful journos may be in order (see our previous post Reporting more detail on children in care?)
But a child in care has the right to grow up with the privacy the rest of us enjoy. They have enough issues to deal with in relation to who they are and where they came from. They do not need details of their lives spread out for all in their community to read, and remember.
You may face this privacy issue quite regularly in your role as carer. There are instances where adults who find out you are carers launch into twenty questions. Their motives vary.
What happened? they’ll ask.
What are the circumstances with birth family?
Sometimes people even try to be helpful: Were there drugs or mental health or violence or neglect or abandonment or health or developmental delay or behaviour issues?
So what do you say? You may feel cornered, and you may try to stumble through some explanation.
Here’s what we would say, with a smile: ‘Oh, we’re not at liberty to go into any of that with anyone outside the child’s immediate family’. If pushed, we will elaborate further with: ‘All of that information is private to the child’. And if we think a further explanation might make them think twice about being quite so intrusive next time, we might finish with: ‘The child does not deserve to have the details of their private life shared with anyone other than their immediate family’. Keep smiling while you say it, you’d be surprised how that diffuses things.
These children aren’t public property. And we need to be careful not to use them as such, even if our intention is to try to fix the system.
At what age can a child make his/her own decision?
A decision about what? Before we launch off, let’s refine that question a bit.
There’s been a lot in the news lately regarding children trying to juggle the needs of both parents after a marriage breakdown. Yes, you heard right – the children often do the juggling – emotions, loyalty, sheer tiredness, change of homes. Unfortunately the decision often seems to pay little regard to what the children want. ‘But they are children’, you say? ‘They are too young to know what’s best for them’.
As a foster parent your child may well be juggling contact with a birth family and life with you. Depending on their age and the circumstances you may also find loyalty issues, emotions and stress come from that contact.
So at what age is a child able to offer a valid viewpoint on their contact with a non-custodial parent?
Is it 12 (mentioned in the Adoption Act) or younger? Dare we ask whether younger children, in certain circumstances, actually know what they need?
Our role, as second parents who love the child, is to prepare a child for living their life. That means teaching them to have an opinion. And it means teaching them to express that opinion. Given their circumstances and the players in their lives, we think the sooner they learn that skill the better.
And there are good things that flow from that. You can teach a child to talk about things, and not bottle it up. You can teach them to articulate how they feel and explore their reactions. You can help them work through how they feel and how to manage. Importantly, you can teach them to accept their circumstances as part of life and get it in perspective. And most importantly, you can show them what control looks like. Theirs, actually.
Having an opinion is a fundamental first step to making a decision. Creating and forming opinions, and the two way interaction that usually follows, teaches a child what a good decision looks like.
The importance of this became clear to us when we had a worker who ‘ran’ access. We have no doubts that came about because the agency had an agenda to restore the child to birth parent, combined with a ferocious ‘tick-the-box’ approach. The agency paid lip-service to ‘we are a team and we want your contribution’ but that was a crock. Not only did the relentlessly artificial management of the visit unsettle the child mightily, it created a false expectation in the birth family about prospects in the future.
We think that the adults in ‘the system’, from workers to the judiciary, need to listen a lot more carefully to the small people.
There’s been a lot in the news lately regarding children trying to juggle the needs of both parents after a marriage breakdown. Yes, you heard right – the children often do the juggling – emotions, loyalty, sheer tiredness, change of homes. Unfortunately the decision often seems to pay little regard to what the children want. ‘But they are children’, you say? ‘They are too young to know what’s best for them’.
As a foster parent your child may well be juggling contact with a birth family and life with you. Depending on their age and the circumstances you may also find loyalty issues, emotions and stress come from that contact.
So at what age is a child able to offer a valid viewpoint on their contact with a non-custodial parent?
Is it 12 (mentioned in the Adoption Act) or younger? Dare we ask whether younger children, in certain circumstances, actually know what they need?
Our role, as second parents who love the child, is to prepare a child for living their life. That means teaching them to have an opinion. And it means teaching them to express that opinion. Given their circumstances and the players in their lives, we think the sooner they learn that skill the better.
And there are good things that flow from that. You can teach a child to talk about things, and not bottle it up. You can teach them to articulate how they feel and explore their reactions. You can help them work through how they feel and how to manage. Importantly, you can teach them to accept their circumstances as part of life and get it in perspective. And most importantly, you can show them what control looks like. Theirs, actually.
Having an opinion is a fundamental first step to making a decision. Creating and forming opinions, and the two way interaction that usually follows, teaches a child what a good decision looks like.
The importance of this became clear to us when we had a worker who ‘ran’ access. We have no doubts that came about because the agency had an agenda to restore the child to birth parent, combined with a ferocious ‘tick-the-box’ approach. The agency paid lip-service to ‘we are a team and we want your contribution’ but that was a crock. Not only did the relentlessly artificial management of the visit unsettle the child mightily, it created a false expectation in the birth family about prospects in the future.
We think that the adults in ‘the system’, from workers to the judiciary, need to listen a lot more carefully to the small people.
'Shared parenting' in foster care?
The whole ‘shared parenting - isn’t it a good idea’ debate goes on. Caroline Overington reports on a custody ruling where once again, the kids seem to come off worst.
We’re not going to wade into the circumstances of a family breakdown where parents battle over shared care. But there are parallels in relation to children who have been removed from their birth parent/s and still have contact.
Now, let’s restate our position. We’re in favour of contact with birth family. That’s what we signed up for as carers, and we think it’s a good approach. That doesn’t mean it isn’t one of the hardest things to deal with, and challenging for your loved foster babe, but in the long term we think it’s best. The child knows where they came from, knows the reality of their birth family.
But what saddened us about the story, and about a number of the comments on the story from readers, was how it was all about the parents and their rights. What seemed to sit behind this story, and in fact behind the shared parenting principle, Is the assumption that - despite enormous changes in the child’s circumstances - their relationship with a parent shouldn’t, and doesn’t, change at all.
Don’t the relationships change the minute the family circumstances change?
You may face this in your contact with a birth parent.
You may find you have a birth parent who still wants to ‘parent’. Or who feels strongly about their status as parent. They might actively tell your foster child that they still play a role. For an older child or a child likely to be reunited with their birth parent, that’s great. If you have a child who is with you until they are 18 or more, it can be very confronting. For a little one who may not know this birth parent very well, it can be terrifying.
You do need to step in.
You need to be clear about the type of relationship that is appropriate for your foster child. Just as contact with a birth parent is about your child accepting reality, a birth parent needs to accept reality as well. Their relationship changed when the child moved from their care. They need to adjust to that. It might be very hard for them to put the child first. But you must.
A child who has maintained contact with a birth parent can deepen that relationship as they get older. But it should happen when the child is ready to cope with it and wants it, not because all the adults in the relationship are so intent on maintaining ‘their rights’ that the children come last.
We’re not going to wade into the circumstances of a family breakdown where parents battle over shared care. But there are parallels in relation to children who have been removed from their birth parent/s and still have contact.
Now, let’s restate our position. We’re in favour of contact with birth family. That’s what we signed up for as carers, and we think it’s a good approach. That doesn’t mean it isn’t one of the hardest things to deal with, and challenging for your loved foster babe, but in the long term we think it’s best. The child knows where they came from, knows the reality of their birth family.
But what saddened us about the story, and about a number of the comments on the story from readers, was how it was all about the parents and their rights. What seemed to sit behind this story, and in fact behind the shared parenting principle, Is the assumption that - despite enormous changes in the child’s circumstances - their relationship with a parent shouldn’t, and doesn’t, change at all.
Don’t the relationships change the minute the family circumstances change?
You may face this in your contact with a birth parent.
You may find you have a birth parent who still wants to ‘parent’. Or who feels strongly about their status as parent. They might actively tell your foster child that they still play a role. For an older child or a child likely to be reunited with their birth parent, that’s great. If you have a child who is with you until they are 18 or more, it can be very confronting. For a little one who may not know this birth parent very well, it can be terrifying.
You do need to step in.
You need to be clear about the type of relationship that is appropriate for your foster child. Just as contact with a birth parent is about your child accepting reality, a birth parent needs to accept reality as well. Their relationship changed when the child moved from their care. They need to adjust to that. It might be very hard for them to put the child first. But you must.
A child who has maintained contact with a birth parent can deepen that relationship as they get older. But it should happen when the child is ready to cope with it and wants it, not because all the adults in the relationship are so intent on maintaining ‘their rights’ that the children come last.
Real life foster care - up close and personal
24/02/2009 20:29 Filed in: placement | EssentialMum
Want to know about foster care?
It’s not often that fostering and children in care, with all the privacy constraints that appropriately go with it, can be so open. If you are thinking of fostering, or are a carer, this Australian Story provides a very detailed and personal view of children in care from the perspective of all parties.
If you missed it on Monday 23rd February on the ABC (NSW):
It will be broadcast again on Saturday 28th February at 12.30pm.
You can read the transcript on the Australian Story site.
Or if you have the bandwidth (both technical and personal!) you can watch it online.
Stay tuned - we will post our thoughts over the next week.
It’s not often that fostering and children in care, with all the privacy constraints that appropriately go with it, can be so open. If you are thinking of fostering, or are a carer, this Australian Story provides a very detailed and personal view of children in care from the perspective of all parties.
If you missed it on Monday 23rd February on the ABC (NSW):
It will be broadcast again on Saturday 28th February at 12.30pm.
You can read the transcript on the Australian Story site.
Or if you have the bandwidth (both technical and personal!) you can watch it online.
Stay tuned - we will post our thoughts over the next week.
Develop and maintain your relationship with birth family
We attended a conference once where all the participants were foster parents.
Very few of the parents referred to members of their children’s birth families by name. Instead the terms ‘birth mum’ and ‘birth parent’ were well used. It was so marked that the worker commented on it. Then the worker said something worth remembering. She talked about the importance of maintaining the relationship between foster family and birth family. That is, the adults in the relationship.
She said that foster and birth parents should connect in some way.
You both share an interest in this child after all. But this can be more easily said than done, depending on the birth family and the social workers.
Birth family will almost always have baggage, most of it acquired long before the foster parents came on the scene. While understanding what’s going on can be like working in the dark without your infrared goggles, the birth parent is not your responsibility.
Another complicating factor can be workers who have an agenda about how they think the foster carer/birth family relationship should run. They might discuss this with you, but they might not. You might only see it when the workers try to take control of the relationship between birth family and child. This may range from an active role for the worker at an access visit, to very explicit instructions to your foster child regarding how they interact with their birth family. You, the carer, might even be told not to come to access.
So here are the reasons we think that worker had it right. Apart from the excellent lesson of seeing adults act like adults:
After all, these people are linked by blood to the person you have grown to love. Whatever your view of birth family, the child in your care deserves that you treat that relationship with respect.
Posted by EssentialMum
Very few of the parents referred to members of their children’s birth families by name. Instead the terms ‘birth mum’ and ‘birth parent’ were well used. It was so marked that the worker commented on it. Then the worker said something worth remembering. She talked about the importance of maintaining the relationship between foster family and birth family. That is, the adults in the relationship.
She said that foster and birth parents should connect in some way.
You both share an interest in this child after all. But this can be more easily said than done, depending on the birth family and the social workers.
Birth family will almost always have baggage, most of it acquired long before the foster parents came on the scene. While understanding what’s going on can be like working in the dark without your infrared goggles, the birth parent is not your responsibility.
Another complicating factor can be workers who have an agenda about how they think the foster carer/birth family relationship should run. They might discuss this with you, but they might not. You might only see it when the workers try to take control of the relationship between birth family and child. This may range from an active role for the worker at an access visit, to very explicit instructions to your foster child regarding how they interact with their birth family. You, the carer, might even be told not to come to access.
So here are the reasons we think that worker had it right. Apart from the excellent lesson of seeing adults act like adults:
- The child sees it is not a competition between adults for his or her affection.
- The birth family does not see it as a competition for the child’s affection.
- The child does not feel torn between the two families.
- You develop a good line of communication with birth family.
- You can talk to birth family about any issues that are impacting the child.
- Birth family will listen to you talk about issues that impact the child.
- The child sees that you are willing to really talk with the birth family.
- If the adolescent child doesn’t want any contact with birth family you are able to maintain it, until such time as they are ready to resume it.
After all, these people are linked by blood to the person you have grown to love. Whatever your view of birth family, the child in your care deserves that you treat that relationship with respect.
Posted by EssentialMum
Contact with birth families is good
We are in favour of contact with birth families – 100%.
There are many reasons why it is beneficial for a child to know their birth family. Here are some of them.
‘Who is my birth mum and/or my birth dad?’
Knowing my origins - It is very difficult for a child, particularly when they start to attend school and families are on the curriculum, to cope with a complete blank where a birth parent’s identity might be. As a carer you need an explanation that increases in detail as the child matures.
‘Why isn’t my hair dark brown like yours?’
A sense of identity - This can be important physically, as the child begins to want to emulate or be part of their second family.
‘I’m only living with you because my birth parent is a rock star’
A sense of reality – as a child grows older they may want to know why they are not with their birth family. Contact can help prevent a fantasy life evolving around a birth parent. This in turn may prevent any ‘play-offs’ between birth and second families. It can be quite devastating for an older child to meet a birth parent and experience their shortcomings. Acceptance from an early age is helpful.
‘Why did my birth parents give me up?'
Understanding and communication - An opportunity for child and birth parent to communicate on these issues can be good. It’s tricky territory, for a birth parent may not be prepared to answer the hard questions, or may be in complete denial about what actually happened and their responsibility for it. That in itself is a useful conversation for a trusted person to have with the child.
So what is the issue, for the child, around birth family contact?
BALANCE
You can completely undermine a child’s sense of security if contact with birth family overwhelms them and over-rides their daily life. Let’s state the obvious – access for a child who has a good chance of restitution with their birth family, should be very different to that of a child who has been put into the care of the Minister until they reach 18 years.
We believe that the PURPOSE of contact should be an item on any case plan.
The frequency of contact is usually covered, but we’ve not experienced an open and frank discussion about the purpose. We’ve seen this come unstuck when a worker thought they were meant to re-establish the child/birth parent relationship, when the appropriate purpose of access was to ‘maintain contact between child and birth parent’. There is a world of difference between those two objectives.
Understanding the purpose of contact will help you know how access should run.
We saw that world of difference played out in the behaviours of worker and birth parent. The workers pushed a level of interaction, and a set of rules, that alienated the child and increased her insecurity. It also resulted in a birth parent believing they had far more say in the child’s life than was the case. It was left to a more experienced worker to do damage control, and remind birth parent of the reality of the situation. It wouldn’t have happened if the issue had been discussed properly.
Understanding the purpose of contact will help you help the child manage their response to birth parent.
It will help you know which behaviours, from child and birth parent, to support, and what you should hose down. You know the child best, and you know what their life is now, so you are best placed to understand the impact access with a birth parent may have.
We’re going to have the purpose of access firmly on the agenda at our next case conference. We recommend that you discuss this with your worker until you are really clear about what it means. We think it is a useful discussion for any birth parent to participate in. And we especially recommend it as a discussion with any new worker who wants to change some aspect of access.
Posted by EssentialMum
There are many reasons why it is beneficial for a child to know their birth family. Here are some of them.
‘Who is my birth mum and/or my birth dad?’
Knowing my origins - It is very difficult for a child, particularly when they start to attend school and families are on the curriculum, to cope with a complete blank where a birth parent’s identity might be. As a carer you need an explanation that increases in detail as the child matures.
‘Why isn’t my hair dark brown like yours?’
A sense of identity - This can be important physically, as the child begins to want to emulate or be part of their second family.
‘I’m only living with you because my birth parent is a rock star’
A sense of reality – as a child grows older they may want to know why they are not with their birth family. Contact can help prevent a fantasy life evolving around a birth parent. This in turn may prevent any ‘play-offs’ between birth and second families. It can be quite devastating for an older child to meet a birth parent and experience their shortcomings. Acceptance from an early age is helpful.
‘Why did my birth parents give me up?'
Understanding and communication - An opportunity for child and birth parent to communicate on these issues can be good. It’s tricky territory, for a birth parent may not be prepared to answer the hard questions, or may be in complete denial about what actually happened and their responsibility for it. That in itself is a useful conversation for a trusted person to have with the child.
So what is the issue, for the child, around birth family contact?
BALANCE
You can completely undermine a child’s sense of security if contact with birth family overwhelms them and over-rides their daily life. Let’s state the obvious – access for a child who has a good chance of restitution with their birth family, should be very different to that of a child who has been put into the care of the Minister until they reach 18 years.
We believe that the PURPOSE of contact should be an item on any case plan.
The frequency of contact is usually covered, but we’ve not experienced an open and frank discussion about the purpose. We’ve seen this come unstuck when a worker thought they were meant to re-establish the child/birth parent relationship, when the appropriate purpose of access was to ‘maintain contact between child and birth parent’. There is a world of difference between those two objectives.
Understanding the purpose of contact will help you know how access should run.
We saw that world of difference played out in the behaviours of worker and birth parent. The workers pushed a level of interaction, and a set of rules, that alienated the child and increased her insecurity. It also resulted in a birth parent believing they had far more say in the child’s life than was the case. It was left to a more experienced worker to do damage control, and remind birth parent of the reality of the situation. It wouldn’t have happened if the issue had been discussed properly.
Understanding the purpose of contact will help you help the child manage their response to birth parent.
It will help you know which behaviours, from child and birth parent, to support, and what you should hose down. You know the child best, and you know what their life is now, so you are best placed to understand the impact access with a birth parent may have.
We’re going to have the purpose of access firmly on the agenda at our next case conference. We recommend that you discuss this with your worker until you are really clear about what it means. We think it is a useful discussion for any birth parent to participate in. And we especially recommend it as a discussion with any new worker who wants to change some aspect of access.
Posted by EssentialMum
Access
Reading our posts, you might suspect that all is sorted in our world. You might not, but in case you do…. We still have our days.
The week after access with birth family can be a challenge.
You might find that something is triggered in your child in care after visits. It might be hard to deal with because it comes from deep inside. The child may not understand it, and as you weren’t there in those early days you may have little chance of unpicking it.
We’ve seen children regress in that post access week. Behaviours will surface that belong to a younger child. Things that they normally take in their stride become major issues.
How do we deal? We don’t play. We move calmly on. We continue with our routines and normal practices. When a child is older, we might give them a look, we might even make a comment. If the child can handle it start the conversation with them about how they are feeling after seeing birth family.
Our single minded trudge through that post-access week (for some years now), is always important to the child, make no mistake. In a life that is probably marked by early change*, they need to learn that there is no change now as a result of seeing birth family. That there is no change with their new foster family. That’s a big step forward.
Posted by EssentialMum
* The kind of change we are referring to is where a child is moved, frequently, from short term carer to short term carer.
The week after access with birth family can be a challenge.
You might find that something is triggered in your child in care after visits. It might be hard to deal with because it comes from deep inside. The child may not understand it, and as you weren’t there in those early days you may have little chance of unpicking it.
We’ve seen children regress in that post access week. Behaviours will surface that belong to a younger child. Things that they normally take in their stride become major issues.
How do we deal? We don’t play. We move calmly on. We continue with our routines and normal practices. When a child is older, we might give them a look, we might even make a comment. If the child can handle it start the conversation with them about how they are feeling after seeing birth family.
Our single minded trudge through that post-access week (for some years now), is always important to the child, make no mistake. In a life that is probably marked by early change*, they need to learn that there is no change now as a result of seeing birth family. That there is no change with their new foster family. That’s a big step forward.
Posted by EssentialMum
* The kind of change we are referring to is where a child is moved, frequently, from short term carer to short term carer.
Can we 'fix' DOCs?
Rise in deaths of 'at risk' children (The Australian, Caroline Overington | October 16, 2008).
‘MORE than 150 children who died in NSW last year came from families that were known to the Department of Community Services. The figure, a quarter of all child deaths in the state, represents a 40 per cent increase on the previous year in the number of so-called "reviewable" deaths.’
‘Fix DOCs’ we hear people shriek.
But you can’t fix a problem at the macro level. So you can’t just ‘fix DOCs’.
To solve problems, you need to be very specific about the problems. You need to be honest and open about what causes them. You need to address them quite specifically. But you need to understand how fixing the problem in the middle will impact all the others surrounding it. It is essential that everyone who plays a role agrees on what the problems are and wants to solve them.
So if more children ‘at risk’ died in 2008 than in the previous year, why?
Let’s state the obvious - children were left in a home environment that was dangerous to their life or to their health. The system that is charged with making decisions about what is best for them didn’t act, couldn’t act, couldn’t monitor, or simply couldn’t solve the problems.
Here are some of the questions we think need to be asked:
There is a lot riding on the outcomes of the Wood Commission. Let’s hope that at the first level there has been a very honest assessment of what the problems are that need to be solved.
Posted by EssentialMum
‘MORE than 150 children who died in NSW last year came from families that were known to the Department of Community Services. The figure, a quarter of all child deaths in the state, represents a 40 per cent increase on the previous year in the number of so-called "reviewable" deaths.’
‘Fix DOCs’ we hear people shriek.
But you can’t fix a problem at the macro level. So you can’t just ‘fix DOCs’.
To solve problems, you need to be very specific about the problems. You need to be honest and open about what causes them. You need to address them quite specifically. But you need to understand how fixing the problem in the middle will impact all the others surrounding it. It is essential that everyone who plays a role agrees on what the problems are and wants to solve them.
So if more children ‘at risk’ died in 2008 than in the previous year, why?
Let’s state the obvious - children were left in a home environment that was dangerous to their life or to their health. The system that is charged with making decisions about what is best for them didn’t act, couldn’t act, couldn’t monitor, or simply couldn’t solve the problems.
Here are some of the questions we think need to be asked:
- At what point does the child’s right to a safe, healthy, stable life become more important then staying with their birth parents? Are there government or agency policies that influence these decisions?
- What is the risk to the child and its development if the ‘recovery or rehabilitation’ of a birth parent is slow or troubled by setbacks? Will the child’s life and development be compromised in either the short or the long term by not moving them?
- Do workers feel they have the autonomy to make a call regarding the child’s circumstances? Are they equipped to make the call? Are they supported by the system in making that call? Is the system prepared to deal with calls that may be premature?
- What if the headline we were reading reported an increase in the number of children removed from their birth families? Would we be comfortable with that?
- Are the civil liberties of birth parents over-riding the best interests of the child?
- What resources are available to the birth parents to help them cope with life, family and future? How willing and capable are the birth parents of using those resources?
- Is a system in place that can monitor birth parents’ progress and keep watch on the health and safety of the child? Can the system do this frequently enough to adequately monitor the child? If not, what is the risk to the child?
There is a lot riding on the outcomes of the Wood Commission. Let’s hope that at the first level there has been a very honest assessment of what the problems are that need to be solved.
Posted by EssentialMum
Questions to ask a prospective foster agency
People often ask us for advice on which agency they should approach. Does it matter?
Well, yes, it does.
Agency and carer should be well matched, just like carer and child.
Over 40 years and a number of agencies, we’ve experienced:
Escalating conflict as the worker is stretched beyond their capability, experience or comfort zone. Carers discovering the non-negotiable policies of an agency many years into the placement. Hidden agendas. Workers creating a false expectation for birth parents about the placement, and the long term possibilities for the child. Workers compromising the relationship or interaction between carers and birth family members. Workers insisting on a designated ‘role’ in the foster child’s life without consideration of the carers’ wishes. Workers being completely unavailable. Lack of trust in the carer’s intentions or approach. Lack of negotiation between all parties in creating a case plan for the child.
Of course these are one sided, and many workers could give you a list of carer behaviours that defy belief. But our aim here is to facilitate successful placements for the children, and informed carers are key to that.
If we were to foster again, we'd ask some specific questions. These directly relate to the day-to-day part of the placement. They may sound negative, or too forthright. Like any relationship, everyone expects the best, but it’s the detail and the mismatched expectations that cause the problems.
Here is the list of questions we'd ask an agency:
Posted by EssentialMum
Well, yes, it does.
Agency and carer should be well matched, just like carer and child.
Over 40 years and a number of agencies, we’ve experienced:
Escalating conflict as the worker is stretched beyond their capability, experience or comfort zone. Carers discovering the non-negotiable policies of an agency many years into the placement. Hidden agendas. Workers creating a false expectation for birth parents about the placement, and the long term possibilities for the child. Workers compromising the relationship or interaction between carers and birth family members. Workers insisting on a designated ‘role’ in the foster child’s life without consideration of the carers’ wishes. Workers being completely unavailable. Lack of trust in the carer’s intentions or approach. Lack of negotiation between all parties in creating a case plan for the child.
Of course these are one sided, and many workers could give you a list of carer behaviours that defy belief. But our aim here is to facilitate successful placements for the children, and informed carers are key to that.
If we were to foster again, we'd ask some specific questions. These directly relate to the day-to-day part of the placement. They may sound negative, or too forthright. Like any relationship, everyone expects the best, but it’s the detail and the mismatched expectations that cause the problems.
Here is the list of questions we'd ask an agency:
- What is the agency’s policy in relation to birth family contact? Is the agency working towards restitution of foster child and birth family? Does the agency want to re-establish a relationship between child and birth parent? Or is the agency aiming to maintain contact between child and birth family?
- What is the agency’s policy in relation to the foster child’s relationship with their birth family? Who attends access? What are the policies in relation to what the child should call birth and foster parents? What locations are used for access (agency offices, play centres)? How flexible is this? Do the workers always attend access? At what point might the worker not attend access?
- What is the agency’s schedule for visits and follow up (phone, email) with carers? How often will these occur? What happens if the carers can’t accommodate the schedule? Will this change over time and what will cause it to change?
- Clearly describe the social worker’s role. What are the service levels carers are entitled to expect from all parties? [Service levels are a business concept where the standard of service and the approach are set out and guaranteed. The Texas Department of Family and Protective Services has service levels. It makes interesting reading.]
- How often do agency workers change? How long is the foster child likely to have a relationship with one worker for? How will the transition to a new worker be handled?
- What do you see the carer’s role to be? How much input will the carer have in developing the case plan for the child?
- Who can carers talk to if they are unhappy with a worker’s approach, performance or policies? What is the process they follow and what is likely to occur? What are the options?
- Does the agency recognise that at some point the carer has the most up to date knowledge of the child? What weight is the agency prepared to give that?
- At what age does the agency recognise the child’s ability to state what they want?
- What is the agency’s policy in relation to adoption by the foster family? Will it consider it on its merits or is the agency opposed to it in principal? What limitations does the agency place on it (child’s age, parents’ situation)?
Posted by EssentialMum