fostercare
Humans are very poor judges
‘The most fundamental problem with child protection in Australia is a philosophical one… the source of the problem is the erroneous assumption that because the protagonists in child abuse are people…the solution lies with other more socially competent people who are employed to make judicious decisions about risk and provide wise advice on parenting.’
This paragraph is from the article by James Barber published in the SMH.
If we had to summarise the article in one word (and we are not known for our brevity), we’d say it was on specialisation. It’s about making use of more specialised skills and methods in judging families and children at risk. Just as medicine has moved to make use of science over ‘practice wisdom’, Barber suggests that children’s services must follow suit.
The issue is whether humans can really detach themselves from their own prejudices and experiences to make objective decisions about other humans?
We’d all like to think we can. But whether we can or not, the other way of looking at the issue is to ask ‘are there now better ways to review information and make decisions about children and families at risk?’
It would be a brave person who said no.
Barber advocates for Evidence Based Practice, which suspends the human judgment in judging humans, and ‘which is about the conscientious, explicit and judicious use of the best available evidence in making decisions about the care of individual clients’.
He mentions recent research in North America. It has proven that mathematicians and actuaries, making use of bucket loads of data in a way that one person simply cannot, are actually able to make better decisions about families at risk than social workers.
Considering that the way most people manage the daily onslaught of work and life challenges is to find the ‘norm’ or pull everything towards the average, it seems entirely reasonable to us that more technology, science and skill is required to handle some of the critical calls in children’s services.
And if the out of home care system is only going to be more distributed to the private agencies, as per the Wood Royal Commission recommendations, more rigour, science and common standards are essential.
It sounds funny to consider that certain parts of the children’s services model need to lose the human element, but after mulling over this for a week we think it does.
This paragraph is from the article by James Barber published in the SMH.
If we had to summarise the article in one word (and we are not known for our brevity), we’d say it was on specialisation. It’s about making use of more specialised skills and methods in judging families and children at risk. Just as medicine has moved to make use of science over ‘practice wisdom’, Barber suggests that children’s services must follow suit.
The issue is whether humans can really detach themselves from their own prejudices and experiences to make objective decisions about other humans?
We’d all like to think we can. But whether we can or not, the other way of looking at the issue is to ask ‘are there now better ways to review information and make decisions about children and families at risk?’
It would be a brave person who said no.
Barber advocates for Evidence Based Practice, which suspends the human judgment in judging humans, and ‘which is about the conscientious, explicit and judicious use of the best available evidence in making decisions about the care of individual clients’.
He mentions recent research in North America. It has proven that mathematicians and actuaries, making use of bucket loads of data in a way that one person simply cannot, are actually able to make better decisions about families at risk than social workers.
Considering that the way most people manage the daily onslaught of work and life challenges is to find the ‘norm’ or pull everything towards the average, it seems entirely reasonable to us that more technology, science and skill is required to handle some of the critical calls in children’s services.
And if the out of home care system is only going to be more distributed to the private agencies, as per the Wood Royal Commission recommendations, more rigour, science and common standards are essential.
It sounds funny to consider that certain parts of the children’s services model need to lose the human element, but after mulling over this for a week we think it does.
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Social work survey says workers described negatively
CommunityCare.co.uk did a survey. And they found that ‘Journalists used negative words to describe social work roughly five times as often as positive or sympathetic words’.
Their results were blunt. Consider this:
‘Words (describing social workers' conduct, ability or demeanour) varied from "inept" and "arrogant" to serious personal allegations, such as "bullying", and "blackmailing". Social workers will no doubt be alarmed that the second most used word was "bully" or "bullying".‘
There are many definitions of bullying, but here is the Wikipedia one.
In colloquial speech, bullying often describes a form of harassment perpetrated by an abuser who possesses more physical and/or social power and dominance than the victim.
So it’s all about an inequality of power, and dominance.
The purpose of this blog is to share and educate. While the survey reviewed journalists’ reporting (and has some interesting things to say on whether all sides of the story are able to be presented), here’s our experience of some behaviour that was not social work’s finest hour.
A worker raising the same issue, after we had indicated we didn’t agree with it, at every single phone call, email message and visit. It was the wrong thing for the Camper and so we just kept saying no.
Now we’d call them on it, indicate we have answered the question and unless they have new reasons to raise it again, we consider the issue has been dealt with.
A worker who, when challenged, got frustrated and aggressive.
We stayed calm and suggested she learn how to receive feedback and work with various parties to achieve agreement. We thought she would have learned that at uni but maybe she missed that class?
Perjorative comments that were belittling or disparaging. Our particular favourite was ‘this is what you signed up for’ (so you as the carer don’t get a say).
We cheerfully advised that we signed up to care for a child, not to slavishly agree with the workers on everything without analysis and debate.
We took a support person with us to a meeting. When that support person spoke, they were told they were allowed to be present at the meeting, but not to speak.
If we were in that situation again, we would initiate a discussion at the start of the meeting as to the roles of all the people present and establish the ground rules.
All of these examples have one thing in common. The unspoken assumption, exhibited by the worker in each instance, was that they held the power, the decision-making responsibility, or the high moral ground. And when we disagreed, or challenged them, their behaviour veered dangerously close to bullying.
The interplay of all the adults responsible for a child’s life can be a delicate matter.
Carers expect the worker to have skill and experience, we care for this child and want to do the right thing for them, and we know the agency has a role to play. But workers are from an institution with all the authority that comes with it, and we are just a family or an individual. The power may not feel equal, and it doesn’t take much to shift it.
Lest we scare off any prospective carers out there, we hasten to tell you that we have experienced the other side of the spectrum. We know workers who are collaborative, wise, thoughtful and perceptive. They share their views without lecturing, and they are prepared to listen to the carers, and more importantly, the child.
We wish there were more of you. We hope you are recognized within the system as the exceptional workers you are, and we hope other, less experienced workers learn from you.
Their results were blunt. Consider this:
‘Words (describing social workers' conduct, ability or demeanour) varied from "inept" and "arrogant" to serious personal allegations, such as "bullying", and "blackmailing". Social workers will no doubt be alarmed that the second most used word was "bully" or "bullying".‘
There are many definitions of bullying, but here is the Wikipedia one.
In colloquial speech, bullying often describes a form of harassment perpetrated by an abuser who possesses more physical and/or social power and dominance than the victim.
So it’s all about an inequality of power, and dominance.
The purpose of this blog is to share and educate. While the survey reviewed journalists’ reporting (and has some interesting things to say on whether all sides of the story are able to be presented), here’s our experience of some behaviour that was not social work’s finest hour.
A worker raising the same issue, after we had indicated we didn’t agree with it, at every single phone call, email message and visit. It was the wrong thing for the Camper and so we just kept saying no.
Now we’d call them on it, indicate we have answered the question and unless they have new reasons to raise it again, we consider the issue has been dealt with.
A worker who, when challenged, got frustrated and aggressive.
We stayed calm and suggested she learn how to receive feedback and work with various parties to achieve agreement. We thought she would have learned that at uni but maybe she missed that class?
Perjorative comments that were belittling or disparaging. Our particular favourite was ‘this is what you signed up for’ (so you as the carer don’t get a say).
We cheerfully advised that we signed up to care for a child, not to slavishly agree with the workers on everything without analysis and debate.
We took a support person with us to a meeting. When that support person spoke, they were told they were allowed to be present at the meeting, but not to speak.
If we were in that situation again, we would initiate a discussion at the start of the meeting as to the roles of all the people present and establish the ground rules.
All of these examples have one thing in common. The unspoken assumption, exhibited by the worker in each instance, was that they held the power, the decision-making responsibility, or the high moral ground. And when we disagreed, or challenged them, their behaviour veered dangerously close to bullying.
The interplay of all the adults responsible for a child’s life can be a delicate matter.
Carers expect the worker to have skill and experience, we care for this child and want to do the right thing for them, and we know the agency has a role to play. But workers are from an institution with all the authority that comes with it, and we are just a family or an individual. The power may not feel equal, and it doesn’t take much to shift it.
Lest we scare off any prospective carers out there, we hasten to tell you that we have experienced the other side of the spectrum. We know workers who are collaborative, wise, thoughtful and perceptive. They share their views without lecturing, and they are prepared to listen to the carers, and more importantly, the child.
We wish there were more of you. We hope you are recognized within the system as the exceptional workers you are, and we hope other, less experienced workers learn from you.
US laws ban single foster carers
We’ve had debates about obese people fostering, and now a number of US states have passed laws that will, among other things, prevent single carers from fostering.
It seems inconceivable that policy-makers would try to limit who can apply, when the most important thing should be finding these children someone to love them.
What’s behind it? The conservative movement considers that the appropriate family is a mum, a dad and the kids.
Well, that’s great. In a perfect world. But most children entering care left a perfect world far behind them, if in fact they ever knew it. Many of them have never experienced the glorious ‘nuclear family’. They wouldn’t know it if they tripped over it. So why should it be the only type of care available?
Maybe, just maybe, the best care for many of these children might be finding one person who loves them. Just one. Who really loves them. And cares about them. Perhaps that’s all it takes?
The authorities have an obligation to seek out the best for these children once they enter care. But that doesn’t mean the nuclear family is essential in all instances. And it doesn’t mean the nuclear family is possible in all circumstances.
Should these children be denied a home where one parent who loves and nurtures them might be more than they have ever had before?
We know many single carers, both foster parents and birth parents. Without exception they are very aware of what they need to supplement, for themselves and for the children, to provide a well-balanced life.
So for a solo mother, that might mean a loved uncle or grandad who provides a strong male role model for the child. And vice versa for a solo father. For children of a solo parent, that might mean close contact with married couples. And so on.
Foster children often deal with a birth family, so their concept of the perfect ‘nuclear family’ is already well extended. We suspect they are not nearly as hung up on the structure of the care they go into as the moral majority. Families come in all shapes and sizes, and often the children accept this more readily than adults.
So we are pleased to see that agencies in Australia consider that sole carers, with the right support, can make excellent foster parents.
For many of these children, a stable home with one loving parent is a vast improvement on what they have experienced.
And provided the child’s education and life experience shows them all the options that make up ‘a family’, their home circumstances should be a positive thing, not a negative.
The US must be well served with carers if they can afford to be so exclusive.
It seems inconceivable that policy-makers would try to limit who can apply, when the most important thing should be finding these children someone to love them.
What’s behind it? The conservative movement considers that the appropriate family is a mum, a dad and the kids.
Well, that’s great. In a perfect world. But most children entering care left a perfect world far behind them, if in fact they ever knew it. Many of them have never experienced the glorious ‘nuclear family’. They wouldn’t know it if they tripped over it. So why should it be the only type of care available?
Maybe, just maybe, the best care for many of these children might be finding one person who loves them. Just one. Who really loves them. And cares about them. Perhaps that’s all it takes?
The authorities have an obligation to seek out the best for these children once they enter care. But that doesn’t mean the nuclear family is essential in all instances. And it doesn’t mean the nuclear family is possible in all circumstances.
Should these children be denied a home where one parent who loves and nurtures them might be more than they have ever had before?
We know many single carers, both foster parents and birth parents. Without exception they are very aware of what they need to supplement, for themselves and for the children, to provide a well-balanced life.
So for a solo mother, that might mean a loved uncle or grandad who provides a strong male role model for the child. And vice versa for a solo father. For children of a solo parent, that might mean close contact with married couples. And so on.
Foster children often deal with a birth family, so their concept of the perfect ‘nuclear family’ is already well extended. We suspect they are not nearly as hung up on the structure of the care they go into as the moral majority. Families come in all shapes and sizes, and often the children accept this more readily than adults.
So we are pleased to see that agencies in Australia consider that sole carers, with the right support, can make excellent foster parents.
For many of these children, a stable home with one loving parent is a vast improvement on what they have experienced.
And provided the child’s education and life experience shows them all the options that make up ‘a family’, their home circumstances should be a positive thing, not a negative.
The US must be well served with carers if they can afford to be so exclusive.
The Commission Outcomes
Dear Justice Wood, Premier Rees, Minister Burney and all those who will be working through Justice Wood’s recommendations,
It was big commission wasn’t it? 111 recommendations, and a significant part of those is in relation to moving responsibility for sheltering children at risk to the private sector.
Funnily enough, ask any business person and they will tell you that one of the greatest challenges in outsourcing a service is governance – who monitors the system to make sure it works as intended - and accountability. You can’t outsource accountability. So what structure will still be in place in government? I suppose that’s all to be worked out yet.
Our experience has also shown us a very great difference between DOCS workers and private agency workers – in skill, in maturity, in experience. So the uplift required for many agencies will be huge. But you knew that, didn’t you? And the officers from those agencies who presented to the commission were honest and upfront about how well they functioned, and what it would take to enable their agencies to effectively take over from DOCS. Weren’t they?
We’d like to recommend that one of the toolsets you implement, to maintain standards across this distributed agency group, and to give us carers a clearer picture of what we are entitled to expect, are service levels. They won’t solve all the problems but they will provide some clarity. You see, agencies can get pretty autocratic about how they do things, their policies and their processes. They can push an agenda relentlessly. If you are a carer with an opinion and push hard enough back they can even get a bit narky. But you knew that, didn’t you?
So good luck. It’s a shame that more of the submissions to the Commission were not made public. Then I think we’d all have a better understanding of all the issues we are dealing with. It’s not that we don’t trust you, but at present, having heard the agency and DOCS submissions, we’re just feeling a bit one-sided.
Yours faithfully,
EssentialMum
Posted by EssentialMum
It was big commission wasn’t it? 111 recommendations, and a significant part of those is in relation to moving responsibility for sheltering children at risk to the private sector.
Funnily enough, ask any business person and they will tell you that one of the greatest challenges in outsourcing a service is governance – who monitors the system to make sure it works as intended - and accountability. You can’t outsource accountability. So what structure will still be in place in government? I suppose that’s all to be worked out yet.
Our experience has also shown us a very great difference between DOCS workers and private agency workers – in skill, in maturity, in experience. So the uplift required for many agencies will be huge. But you knew that, didn’t you? And the officers from those agencies who presented to the commission were honest and upfront about how well they functioned, and what it would take to enable their agencies to effectively take over from DOCS. Weren’t they?
We’d like to recommend that one of the toolsets you implement, to maintain standards across this distributed agency group, and to give us carers a clearer picture of what we are entitled to expect, are service levels. They won’t solve all the problems but they will provide some clarity. You see, agencies can get pretty autocratic about how they do things, their policies and their processes. They can push an agenda relentlessly. If you are a carer with an opinion and push hard enough back they can even get a bit narky. But you knew that, didn’t you?
So good luck. It’s a shame that more of the submissions to the Commission were not made public. Then I think we’d all have a better understanding of all the issues we are dealing with. It’s not that we don’t trust you, but at present, having heard the agency and DOCS submissions, we’re just feeling a bit one-sided.
Yours faithfully,
EssentialMum
Posted by EssentialMum
Access
Reading our posts, you might suspect that all is sorted in Happy Camper world. You might not, but in case you do….
We still have our days.
We have days where the Camper is over-tired, over-excited, or over-whelmed about how she is feeling. In this first wonderful year of school she has had new friends, new activities and new experiences. She challenges boundaries, thinks she is the world’s smartest ‘under-ten’, and gets away with a lot because she is so damn cute.
A quiet weekend, some sound nights’ sleep and some low key activities usually get her ready to charge into the week ahead.
Then there is the week after access with birth family. Manageable, but much harder.
Harder, because what triggers it for the Camper comes from deep within her. She doesn’t understand it, and we are only guessing. We weren’t there, and the information available from that time is poor.
In that week after access the Camper will simply regress. Behaviours will surface that belong to a younger child. Things that she normally will take in her stride become major issues.
We don’t play. We move calmly on. We continue with our routines and normal practices. Now that she’s older, we might give her a look, we might even make a comment - since there is nothing that Happy Camper wants more at present than to be a ‘grown-up’. We’re starting to ask her how she feels after seeing birth family, and that helps.
Our single minded trudge through that post-access week (for some years now), is important to the Camper, make no mistake. In a life marked by early change*, she learns that there is no change now as a result of seeing birth family. That there is no change with us. That’s a big step forward.
And balancing that is her understanding, and recent life experience, that change can be good: it can be exciting, like school – it can be fun, like a new puppy - it doesn’t hit you like a freight train because Mum tells you what’s coming - and that you can rely on EssentialMum. She’ll be there.
Posted by EssentialMum
* The kind of change we are referring to is where a child is moved, frequently, from short term carer to short term carer.
We still have our days.
We have days where the Camper is over-tired, over-excited, or over-whelmed about how she is feeling. In this first wonderful year of school she has had new friends, new activities and new experiences. She challenges boundaries, thinks she is the world’s smartest ‘under-ten’, and gets away with a lot because she is so damn cute.
A quiet weekend, some sound nights’ sleep and some low key activities usually get her ready to charge into the week ahead.
Then there is the week after access with birth family. Manageable, but much harder.
Harder, because what triggers it for the Camper comes from deep within her. She doesn’t understand it, and we are only guessing. We weren’t there, and the information available from that time is poor.
In that week after access the Camper will simply regress. Behaviours will surface that belong to a younger child. Things that she normally will take in her stride become major issues.
We don’t play. We move calmly on. We continue with our routines and normal practices. Now that she’s older, we might give her a look, we might even make a comment - since there is nothing that Happy Camper wants more at present than to be a ‘grown-up’. We’re starting to ask her how she feels after seeing birth family, and that helps.
Our single minded trudge through that post-access week (for some years now), is important to the Camper, make no mistake. In a life marked by early change*, she learns that there is no change now as a result of seeing birth family. That there is no change with us. That’s a big step forward.
And balancing that is her understanding, and recent life experience, that change can be good: it can be exciting, like school – it can be fun, like a new puppy - it doesn’t hit you like a freight train because Mum tells you what’s coming - and that you can rely on EssentialMum. She’ll be there.
Posted by EssentialMum
* The kind of change we are referring to is where a child is moved, frequently, from short term carer to short term carer.
Guarantees in foster care?
An article in The Australian (Thursday Oct 2, 2008) ‘Potential carers put off fostering’ (Overington and Trup) reviewed some of the confidential submissions to the Wood Royal Commission. It is well written article.
The first paragraph states ‘Tens of thousands of affluent, educated and responsible couples are ready to take the nation’s abused and neglected children into their care, if only they could be guaranteed that the children would be allowed to stay’.
What an absolute tragedy.
There are tens of thousands of couples that might have missed out on what may be the most rewarding journey of their life? And, more importantly, there are thousands of children who might have found a life with wonderful parents?
Will better education and communication change the perspective of some of those potential carers? Maybe the ‘system’ needs to make a call earlier for some children and place them in a ‘permanent’ home as soon as possible?
We took the journey, and we have a little person in our life who is now safe, happy, thriving, loved. These statistics hit home because the littlest statistic is very real to us. But we didn’t take her in with any more guarantee than a court order.
The fact is, you don’t get many guarantees with foster care.
These children are not adopted – you don’t get to take them in and be left alone. You deal with birth families and workers, with the legal construct of fostering. The children themselves may often have issues.
But you can work towards some certainty, before you foster:
Is there a long-term order for the child? Would you be taking them on long-term? Does this mean until the age of 18 or of ‘maturity’?
What are the birth family circumstances? Is a birth parent working towards getting the children back in a realistic and meaningful way?
What’s the agency’s long term goal? Are they aiming for restitution or permanency planning for the child? What do they see your role as?
Is the placement long term and will the agency support that?
So to all those prospective foster parents - you want guarantees the child is with you to stay? Then get in there and fight for them. Take them in, care for them, love them, bond with them, become their parent. Then you won’t need guarantees, you’ll make them. You’ll face anyone who thinks moving this child might be an option with steely eyed determination. For you are their parent. And for the first time in their lives, these children have an adult to advocate for them. Not just mouth the words, but really do it. With love and care and something at stake.
You have to decide whether you are fostering for you, or for them?
Posted by EssentialMum
The first paragraph states ‘Tens of thousands of affluent, educated and responsible couples are ready to take the nation’s abused and neglected children into their care, if only they could be guaranteed that the children would be allowed to stay’.
What an absolute tragedy.
There are tens of thousands of couples that might have missed out on what may be the most rewarding journey of their life? And, more importantly, there are thousands of children who might have found a life with wonderful parents?
Will better education and communication change the perspective of some of those potential carers? Maybe the ‘system’ needs to make a call earlier for some children and place them in a ‘permanent’ home as soon as possible?
We took the journey, and we have a little person in our life who is now safe, happy, thriving, loved. These statistics hit home because the littlest statistic is very real to us. But we didn’t take her in with any more guarantee than a court order.
The fact is, you don’t get many guarantees with foster care.
These children are not adopted – you don’t get to take them in and be left alone. You deal with birth families and workers, with the legal construct of fostering. The children themselves may often have issues.
But you can work towards some certainty, before you foster:
Is there a long-term order for the child? Would you be taking them on long-term? Does this mean until the age of 18 or of ‘maturity’?
What are the birth family circumstances? Is a birth parent working towards getting the children back in a realistic and meaningful way?
What’s the agency’s long term goal? Are they aiming for restitution or permanency planning for the child? What do they see your role as?
Is the placement long term and will the agency support that?
So to all those prospective foster parents - you want guarantees the child is with you to stay? Then get in there and fight for them. Take them in, care for them, love them, bond with them, become their parent. Then you won’t need guarantees, you’ll make them. You’ll face anyone who thinks moving this child might be an option with steely eyed determination. For you are their parent. And for the first time in their lives, these children have an adult to advocate for them. Not just mouth the words, but really do it. With love and care and something at stake.
You have to decide whether you are fostering for you, or for them?
Posted by EssentialMum
Which agency should I foster with?
Who should I approach? I’m really interested in fostering, but I’m not sure which agency, public or private, I should go through. What’s the difference?
This came into focus when we caught up with a friend last weekend, who reminded us that she was interested in long term fostering, and wanted our advice on where to start.
Let’s take a big step forward. When you have a child in care, one of the most important aspects of that placement is a real ‘meeting of the minds’ between carer and agency. You may have challenges with the child. The last thing you need is conflict or frustration with the agency that monitors and supports you.
‘Meeting of the minds’ is actually a legal concept that underpins contract law, but we’ve found it works well in business and life. Are your thoughts aligned? Do you want the same thing? Are you working towards the same outcome?
In our experience, the best agency/carer relationships have the following features:
Posted by EssentialMum
This came into focus when we caught up with a friend last weekend, who reminded us that she was interested in long term fostering, and wanted our advice on where to start.
Let’s take a big step forward. When you have a child in care, one of the most important aspects of that placement is a real ‘meeting of the minds’ between carer and agency. You may have challenges with the child. The last thing you need is conflict or frustration with the agency that monitors and supports you.
‘Meeting of the minds’ is actually a legal concept that underpins contract law, but we’ve found it works well in business and life. Are your thoughts aligned? Do you want the same thing? Are you working towards the same outcome?
In our experience, the best agency/carer relationships have the following features:
- An ‘aligned’ vision of what is best for the child. Put simply, you all agree on the basics - of care, access, support etc.
- A fair and open process of deciding what is best for the child. Think about what happens. The carer takes a child in. The child needs to settle, to trust, to learn, maybe even to learn to love. The timeframe varies but most long term carers become the people who know the child best. We live with them. Put our ‘on the ground’ experience with an experienced, thoughtful, objective social worker, provide willingness to discuss an issue and decide an approach together, and the results can be constructive.
- Room for individuality. These children need to be treated as individuals who matter. Too often their needs as an individual have been completely ignored. This is not uncommon in their birth family circumstances, but surprisingly can also occur in short term placements, where the focus might be on their physical needs. So any approaches or policies should be adjusted for the individual child. For example, the policy that ‘Our approach is that children in care call their birth parent “X” ‘ becomes ‘While generally our policy is that children in care call their birth parent “X”, in Y’s case we agree that….’
- Mutual respect. This needs to happen at the individual level. The PERSONAL level. Carers need to be able to respect the social worker assigned to their case, and workers need to respect the capabilities and experience of the carers. All parties need to demonstrate this – in what they say, how they listen to each other.
- Support. Depending on the needs of your child, you may call on the agency for support. They should be there when you need it. With what you need. And on the other hand, they shouldn’t be in your ear every week with demands and actions and policies and plans. Unless that's what you want.
- A willingness to listen. From all parties. This means that a proper conversation is going on.
- Recognition. Some recognition of the child’s progress really makes a carer feel good. More importantly, a ‘good’ placement, and the carers’ part in that, should go to the carers’ credibility. If the child is thriving, learning, growing, loving and happy do you think we might just know what we are doing?
Posted by EssentialMum
'Why would you want to become a foster carer?'
As I continue down my journey of learning and thinking (and wondering whether foster care is the right thing for me) the most common reaction I am confronted with is “why would you want to do that?”.
Somehow my life has become public property and everyone is free to give their opinion on my decision to become a foster carer.
There’re some who have said 'surely life’s not that bad'. Well, no, it’s good, really good, and that’s why I want to share it with a child who is not so fortunate.
Some have said, 'Don’t worry you’ll meet someone eventually'. Well I haven’t yet. But that’s not really the point.
Others have said 'Aha, that’s why you moved to the suburbs and bought a bigger house'. To be perfectly honest, there’s an element of truth in that – maybe I have created space for a family I don’t yet have. But then, life experience tells me there’s something to be said for stepping out in faith and waiting for circumstances to move in your direction.
The more complete response is that I believe I have something to give and I think that not only is this an opportunity for me to give something back and contribute in a very practical way, but fostering will also be an opportunity for me to grow and enrich my life. Plus I do love a challenge - and this will be the biggest challenge I have ever faced.
So what is it that causes this range of responses in people – people I know really well and people I don’t know at all?
On reflection, I think they find it threatening. Foster care is a new concept for a lot of people and is most likely something they’ve never considered. They can’t bring themselves to imagine why anyone would want to foster.
There’s an old adage – seek first to understand, then to be understood. Ask people what they find so intriguing or confronting about fostering. You both might just learn something.
Unless you know someone who fosters, it’s difficult to even start to appreciate what it’s all about. While I knew friends at school whose families did short term foster care, I didn’t really know anything about fostering until my cousin decided to foster. And lots of people I’ve met on my journey thus far found out about fostering through friends.
Foster care may not be well understood, but the need is there and foster care is going on all around us through the efforts of many generous families and people who care. And in the end that’s the most important ingredient – to care!
Posted by Dorothy
Somehow my life has become public property and everyone is free to give their opinion on my decision to become a foster carer.
There’re some who have said 'surely life’s not that bad'. Well, no, it’s good, really good, and that’s why I want to share it with a child who is not so fortunate.
Some have said, 'Don’t worry you’ll meet someone eventually'. Well I haven’t yet. But that’s not really the point.
Others have said 'Aha, that’s why you moved to the suburbs and bought a bigger house'. To be perfectly honest, there’s an element of truth in that – maybe I have created space for a family I don’t yet have. But then, life experience tells me there’s something to be said for stepping out in faith and waiting for circumstances to move in your direction.
The more complete response is that I believe I have something to give and I think that not only is this an opportunity for me to give something back and contribute in a very practical way, but fostering will also be an opportunity for me to grow and enrich my life. Plus I do love a challenge - and this will be the biggest challenge I have ever faced.
So what is it that causes this range of responses in people – people I know really well and people I don’t know at all?
On reflection, I think they find it threatening. Foster care is a new concept for a lot of people and is most likely something they’ve never considered. They can’t bring themselves to imagine why anyone would want to foster.
There’s an old adage – seek first to understand, then to be understood. Ask people what they find so intriguing or confronting about fostering. You both might just learn something.
Unless you know someone who fosters, it’s difficult to even start to appreciate what it’s all about. While I knew friends at school whose families did short term foster care, I didn’t really know anything about fostering until my cousin decided to foster. And lots of people I’ve met on my journey thus far found out about fostering through friends.
Foster care may not be well understood, but the need is there and foster care is going on all around us through the efforts of many generous families and people who care. And in the end that’s the most important ingredient – to care!
Posted by Dorothy
Welcome to fostercarer.com.au
07/01/2008 16:19 Filed in: general | EssentialMum
Welcome to fostercarer.com.au. For more information about us and why this site exists, please go to the About Us page. But we'll provide a short version here.....
We've been involved in foster care, as a family, for 40 years. Vastly different circumstances, different outcomes, and different experiences. But we've learned a great deal.
Agencies are called on to place children in a caring and safe environment where their family is unable to provide for them, and act as a conduit between government, the children and their families and foster carers. Agencies carry a lot of responsibility and are given a lot of authority. They can either be outstanding in their understanding and support, or add to the foster carer’s burden. We’ve experienced both ends of the scale. We believe that understanding carers’ experience and sharing that constructively with all parties - to enhance the quality of those interactions - can be of benefit to all concerned.
So how will this work? We want to share and so will do that through this site. There is opportunity for you to share as well, either through comments or feedback. We'd love to hear from you.
Posted by EssentialMum
We've been involved in foster care, as a family, for 40 years. Vastly different circumstances, different outcomes, and different experiences. But we've learned a great deal.
We believe there is a useful conversation to be had between carers and carers, and carers and agencies, independently of the children in your care. Over time those conversations may well extend to all aspects of being a foster carer. Many of those conversations happen in person. We think there is an opportunity in this networked world to carry out some of them online.
Agencies are called on to place children in a caring and safe environment where their family is unable to provide for them, and act as a conduit between government, the children and their families and foster carers. Agencies carry a lot of responsibility and are given a lot of authority. They can either be outstanding in their understanding and support, or add to the foster carer’s burden. We’ve experienced both ends of the scale. We believe that understanding carers’ experience and sharing that constructively with all parties - to enhance the quality of those interactions - can be of benefit to all concerned.
So how will this work? We want to share and so will do that through this site. There is opportunity for you to share as well, either through comments or feedback. We'd love to hear from you.
Posted by EssentialMum
Conversations
07/01/2008 16:16 Filed in: general | EssentialMum
What kind of conversations might we have?
Here are some questions that have come up along our journey. Questions we wanted answers to from other carers or some independent experts.
• What are the options for access and who can be there to support me?
• How flexible can I expect the system to be?
• Who determines the routine? Should my social worker set the rules or is it by mutual agreement?
• What do I do if I don’t agree with the way things are going? Do I have a right of recourse or reply?
• How do I handle childcare?
• How do I sort out financial support?
• What happens if I can’t attend the agency provided support meetings?
• What happens when the best interests of my foster child seem at odds with those of the birth family or vice versa?
• How do you juggle the needs of DoCS and your social worker, while holding down a full time job?
• I feel administration weary, is that normal?
• Of course my social worker needs to check how things are going, but what is a normal level of interaction and oversight?
• Can my broader family and support network help out where needed and who do I need to inform?
• My foster child is starting school, how do I help them communicate their unique family relationships?
• Who needs to know about our foster care arrangements - the school, the dentist, my neighbour?
• What are the arrangements for taking holidays?
• How do I find out about my foster child’s history? Is there medical or other important information that I need to know and how do I get access to that?
• What’s the best approach when my foster child asks questions about their past?
• What records of my foster child’s time with me do I need to keep?
• What are the legal rules and guidelines that I need to know about?
• What are the changes that have impacted the foster care area, such as the amendments to the Adoption Act? What do they mean for my foster child?
• Where do I go for more information?
We hope that as the site - and community – matures, carers will use it to ask questions and seek feedback from others. Grand plan hey?
Posted by EssentialMum
Here are some questions that have come up along our journey. Questions we wanted answers to from other carers or some independent experts.
• What are the options for access and who can be there to support me?
• How flexible can I expect the system to be?
• Who determines the routine? Should my social worker set the rules or is it by mutual agreement?
• What do I do if I don’t agree with the way things are going? Do I have a right of recourse or reply?
• How do I handle childcare?
• How do I sort out financial support?
• What happens if I can’t attend the agency provided support meetings?
• What happens when the best interests of my foster child seem at odds with those of the birth family or vice versa?
• How do you juggle the needs of DoCS and your social worker, while holding down a full time job?
• I feel administration weary, is that normal?
• Of course my social worker needs to check how things are going, but what is a normal level of interaction and oversight?
• Can my broader family and support network help out where needed and who do I need to inform?
• My foster child is starting school, how do I help them communicate their unique family relationships?
• Who needs to know about our foster care arrangements - the school, the dentist, my neighbour?
• What are the arrangements for taking holidays?
• How do I find out about my foster child’s history? Is there medical or other important information that I need to know and how do I get access to that?
• What’s the best approach when my foster child asks questions about their past?
• What records of my foster child’s time with me do I need to keep?
• What are the legal rules and guidelines that I need to know about?
• What are the changes that have impacted the foster care area, such as the amendments to the Adoption Act? What do they mean for my foster child?
• Where do I go for more information?
We hope that as the site - and community – matures, carers will use it to ask questions and seek feedback from others. Grand plan hey?
Posted by EssentialMum