impact
Twitter stream to 30-12-09
Sometimes this could more readily be called a ‘Twitter trickle’, rather than a stream, but hey, there’s still some good stuff in here.
Sammut: Community needs to accept that children in danger need to be removed, and the earlier the better for the child. http://ow.ly/R368 2 minutes ago from HootSuite
Creation of a stand alone dept that investigates reports of children at risk sorely needed and long overdue. Top priority. 3 minutes ago from HootSuite
NSW Govt throwing additional $300 million into support services for dysfunctional families after Wood Royal Commission. http://ow.ly/R34e 5 minutes ago from HootSuite
Sammut says DOCS budget was 'in excess of $1 billion last financial year'. That's a lot of shekels. http://ow.ly/R32J 6 minutes ago from HootSuite
Perhaps more honesty is needed about the real chances of solving drug abuse, mental illness and domestic violence in dysfunctional families? 9 minutes ago from HootSuite
Removal of 'at risk' children as a last resort can be a high risk policy. See Ebony and Dean Shillingsworth cases: http://ow.ly/R30b 10 minutes ago from HootSuite
Sammut comes out and says that family preservation - the current approach in child protection - is flawed: http://ow.ly/R2ZA 11 minutes ago from HootSuite
Two dreadful cases this year of parental neglect that were fatal for the children: Jeremy Sammut in the SMH http://ow.ly/R2YL 12 minutes ago from HootSuite
'Ghost Child' (Caroline Overington) available from Dymocks http://ow.ly/PPG4. If you are interested in children's rights - worth reading. 10:47 PM Dec 26th from HootSuite
Just read Caroline Overington's Ghost Child. Fiction - but some interesting and authentic perspectives from players in 'the system'. 10:43 PM Dec 26th from HootSuite
Hate to break it to you folks, but more money ain't gonna fix the social welfare system: http://ow.ly/PPzT 10:39 PM Dec 26th from HootSuite
We are not sure how much one-on-one our lovely Happy Camper got in her first years. Not much we suspect. Can you catch up? A resounding YES! 11:52 PM Dec 22nd from HootSuite
We read all the 'can do' advice for birth parents. And we realise that our small bundle of humanity might have missed out on lots of that. 11:48 PM Dec 22nd from HootSuite
We are tired at the end of the year and so it is very easy to scoff at all the rubbish on Twitter. 3:03 AM Dec 21st from HootSuite
Parental responsibility? rt @kimota Just blogged: 18+ video games in Aus "Won't somebody think of the children?" http://bit.ly/5R52jX 2:31 PM Dec 16th from HootSuite
Wonderful to see a mother provide such a sterling example to her daughter - NOT. Kid bashes another and mother films it! http://ow.ly/I1dU 12:37 PM Dec 3rd from HootSuite
What do kids in care need? Stability. Our view on what that looks like and the benefits for a child in care http://ow.ly/HsQt 11:42 PM Dec 1st from HootSuite
Our view on Adoption Awareness week in Oz. Is adoption actively discouraged here? http://ow.ly/HsPo 11:40 PM Dec 1st from HootSuite
Children have expectations about daily life. Harder to handle for children in care are the expectations about birth parents. What to expect? 10:08 PM Nov 24th from HootSuite
When a child in care becomes more responsible and mature than the birth parent, what do you do? We can see this coming. http://ow.ly/CVmj 1:33 PM Nov 17th from HootSuite
Awesome post from fostercareinamerica - honest, practical, insightful. A must read. http://ow.ly/CVlS 1:32 PM Nov 17th from HootSuite
Interesting reader responses on News.com.au to Adoption Awareness Week report. Everyone has an opinion! http://ow.ly/CTh9 10:27 AM Nov 17th from HootSuite
@emqff Nationaladoptionweek is happening in the UK as well. http://ow.ly/CCM0 4:33 PM Nov 16th from HootSuite in reply to emqff
Furness calls on Government to create 'a dedicated agency with a parliamentary secretary to oversee the adoption process' http://ow.ly/CC7F 3:50 PM Nov 16th from HootSuite
Deborah-Lee Furness comes out fighting on Oz Govt's 'anti-adoption culture' http://ow.ly/CC66 3:48 PM Nov 16th from HootSuite
Adoption is viable solution for 'children stuck in foster care drift'. And to prevent kids drifting into foster care drift http://ow.ly/CC54 3:47 PM Nov 16th from HootSuite
It's National Adoption Awareness Week. There is a perception that Oz is reluctant to advocate adoption. http://ow.ly/CC3Y 3:46 PM Nov 16th from HootSuite
@jcflamini Agree - re @childrensrights. Lots of solid info in their report. Want to write more on it! 7:06 PM Nov 13th from HootSuite in reply to jcflamini
Really like this report from @childrensrights on NYC foster care, and the effort to bring kids to permanent families. http://ow.ly/BPB2 7:05 PM Nov 13th from HootSuite
Increase in number of children being taken into care post the Baby P case UK. Predictable? http://ow.ly/BOiS 4:40 PM Nov 13th from HootSuite
Irritating = news reports on children being taken into care on a single issue. Who doesn't understand the complexity? ttp://ow.ly/BOcJ 4:32 PM Nov 13th from HootSuite
Poor reporting from the journos - children removed from 'so-called fat family'. Called by whom? Not social workers http://ow.ly/BObS 4:30 PM Nov 13th from HootSuite
rt @childrensrights New report on Oklahoma child welfare: treatment of kids in foster care there is "immoral." http://is.gd/4SSRwdrensrights 10:15 AM Nov 12th from HootSuite
If you live in an apartment and have small children, check the safety of the windows and upgrade them if necessary http://ow.ly/Bc8t 2:08 PM Nov 11th from HootSuite
'Huge backlog' of cases in NT; - independent enquiry announced to report into the 'notification system' for child abuse http://ow.ly/BbPD 1:45 PM Nov 11th from HootSuite
When agencies can't work out what information can be shared people really do suffer JGOS (mental health service) http://ow.ly/BbNm 1:43 PM Nov 11th from HootSuite
rt @gauntlent rt @drewfromtv Follow me and LIVESTRONG gets 1 M Cancer DOLLARS help me reach1 m followers by 12/31/09 help save a life 11:52 AM Nov 10th from HootSuite
Babies having babies - 12 yr old who escaped proper supervision now has her own child http://ow.ly/ASIE 11:45 AM Nov 10th from HootSuite
Pew Report Only 6% of the adult population has no one who they consider to be “especially significant” in their life. http://ow.ly/ASFG 11:41 AM Nov 10th from HootSuite
Pew report on social isolation 'Only 6% of the adult population has no one with whom they can discuss important matters' http://ow.ly/ASF3 11:40 AM Nov 10th from HootSuite
the old adage - it takes a village to raise a child. http://bit.ly/eWnLe 1:12 PM Nov 6th from web
Medical world first saves baby's life - wonderful how this world of ours can collaborate http://ow.ly/zlgy 12:31 PM Nov 5th from HootSuite
'What do I call my foster carer? Whatever I choose just as long as I feel comfortable with it'. http://ow.ly/yNhC Sensible. 4:33 PM Nov 3rd from HootSuite
Useful publications for children in care from WA Govt - includes a charter of rights for children in care on page 20 http://ow.ly/yNfc 4:31 PM Nov 3rd from HootSuite
We are 'wired' similarly to degus (rodents) and so scientists can extrapolate the impact of single parents? Honestly. http://ow.ly/ygWQ 8:19 PM Nov 1st from HootSuite
Bad reporting 'Scientists are now finding that growing up without a father actually changes the way your brain develops.' http://ow.ly/ygVo 8:17 PM Nov 1st from HootSuite
Six dimensions of child well-being: material, housing, education, health, risk behaviours and quality of school life.http://ow.ly/xsIb 1:33 PM Oct 30th from HootSuite
Oh dear. How many things are wrong with this story. A Kiwi politician's answer to child abuse. http://ow.ly/xsxc 1:18 PM Oct 30th from HootSuite
Parents - become familiar with online tools so you can educate your children. Facebook hate sites are unacceptable! http://ow.ly/xspa 1:10 PM Oct 30th from HootSuite
There IS a link between diet and immune system http://ow.ly/xdva 12:53 PM Oct 29th from HootSuite
We like Chris Gardiner's article on the The Punch (CEO of PCYC) http://ow.ly/x00i so we wrote about it http://tinyurl.com/yhjshpp 12:57 AM Oct 29th from web
Kids need an adult committed to them, and not a committee of social workers and public servants: Chris Gardiner PCYC http://ow.ly/x00i 2:44 PM Oct 28th from HootSuite
intervention...must be built on an intense engagement around a single, consistent and strong adult relationship http://ow.ly/x004 2:43 PM Oct 28th from HootSuite
Failing kids, failing the community - good article in The Punch, re-socialising kids better than locking them up later on http://ow.ly/wZZm
Sammut: Community needs to accept that children in danger need to be removed, and the earlier the better for the child. http://ow.ly/R368 2 minutes ago from HootSuite
Creation of a stand alone dept that investigates reports of children at risk sorely needed and long overdue. Top priority. 3 minutes ago from HootSuite
NSW Govt throwing additional $300 million into support services for dysfunctional families after Wood Royal Commission. http://ow.ly/R34e 5 minutes ago from HootSuite
Sammut says DOCS budget was 'in excess of $1 billion last financial year'. That's a lot of shekels. http://ow.ly/R32J 6 minutes ago from HootSuite
Perhaps more honesty is needed about the real chances of solving drug abuse, mental illness and domestic violence in dysfunctional families? 9 minutes ago from HootSuite
Removal of 'at risk' children as a last resort can be a high risk policy. See Ebony and Dean Shillingsworth cases: http://ow.ly/R30b 10 minutes ago from HootSuite
Sammut comes out and says that family preservation - the current approach in child protection - is flawed: http://ow.ly/R2ZA 11 minutes ago from HootSuite
Two dreadful cases this year of parental neglect that were fatal for the children: Jeremy Sammut in the SMH http://ow.ly/R2YL 12 minutes ago from HootSuite
'Ghost Child' (Caroline Overington) available from Dymocks http://ow.ly/PPG4. If you are interested in children's rights - worth reading. 10:47 PM Dec 26th from HootSuite
Just read Caroline Overington's Ghost Child. Fiction - but some interesting and authentic perspectives from players in 'the system'. 10:43 PM Dec 26th from HootSuite
Hate to break it to you folks, but more money ain't gonna fix the social welfare system: http://ow.ly/PPzT 10:39 PM Dec 26th from HootSuite
We are not sure how much one-on-one our lovely Happy Camper got in her first years. Not much we suspect. Can you catch up? A resounding YES! 11:52 PM Dec 22nd from HootSuite
We read all the 'can do' advice for birth parents. And we realise that our small bundle of humanity might have missed out on lots of that. 11:48 PM Dec 22nd from HootSuite
We are tired at the end of the year and so it is very easy to scoff at all the rubbish on Twitter. 3:03 AM Dec 21st from HootSuite
Parental responsibility? rt @kimota Just blogged: 18+ video games in Aus "Won't somebody think of the children?" http://bit.ly/5R52jX 2:31 PM Dec 16th from HootSuite
Wonderful to see a mother provide such a sterling example to her daughter - NOT. Kid bashes another and mother films it! http://ow.ly/I1dU 12:37 PM Dec 3rd from HootSuite
What do kids in care need? Stability. Our view on what that looks like and the benefits for a child in care http://ow.ly/HsQt 11:42 PM Dec 1st from HootSuite
Our view on Adoption Awareness week in Oz. Is adoption actively discouraged here? http://ow.ly/HsPo 11:40 PM Dec 1st from HootSuite
Children have expectations about daily life. Harder to handle for children in care are the expectations about birth parents. What to expect? 10:08 PM Nov 24th from HootSuite
When a child in care becomes more responsible and mature than the birth parent, what do you do? We can see this coming. http://ow.ly/CVmj 1:33 PM Nov 17th from HootSuite
Awesome post from fostercareinamerica - honest, practical, insightful. A must read. http://ow.ly/CVlS 1:32 PM Nov 17th from HootSuite
Interesting reader responses on News.com.au to Adoption Awareness Week report. Everyone has an opinion! http://ow.ly/CTh9 10:27 AM Nov 17th from HootSuite
@emqff Nationaladoptionweek is happening in the UK as well. http://ow.ly/CCM0 4:33 PM Nov 16th from HootSuite in reply to emqff
Furness calls on Government to create 'a dedicated agency with a parliamentary secretary to oversee the adoption process' http://ow.ly/CC7F 3:50 PM Nov 16th from HootSuite
Deborah-Lee Furness comes out fighting on Oz Govt's 'anti-adoption culture' http://ow.ly/CC66 3:48 PM Nov 16th from HootSuite
Adoption is viable solution for 'children stuck in foster care drift'. And to prevent kids drifting into foster care drift http://ow.ly/CC54 3:47 PM Nov 16th from HootSuite
It's National Adoption Awareness Week. There is a perception that Oz is reluctant to advocate adoption. http://ow.ly/CC3Y 3:46 PM Nov 16th from HootSuite
@jcflamini Agree - re @childrensrights. Lots of solid info in their report. Want to write more on it! 7:06 PM Nov 13th from HootSuite in reply to jcflamini
Really like this report from @childrensrights on NYC foster care, and the effort to bring kids to permanent families. http://ow.ly/BPB2 7:05 PM Nov 13th from HootSuite
Increase in number of children being taken into care post the Baby P case UK. Predictable? http://ow.ly/BOiS 4:40 PM Nov 13th from HootSuite
Irritating = news reports on children being taken into care on a single issue. Who doesn't understand the complexity? ttp://ow.ly/BOcJ 4:32 PM Nov 13th from HootSuite
Poor reporting from the journos - children removed from 'so-called fat family'. Called by whom? Not social workers http://ow.ly/BObS 4:30 PM Nov 13th from HootSuite
rt @childrensrights New report on Oklahoma child welfare: treatment of kids in foster care there is "immoral." http://is.gd/4SSRwdrensrights 10:15 AM Nov 12th from HootSuite
If you live in an apartment and have small children, check the safety of the windows and upgrade them if necessary http://ow.ly/Bc8t 2:08 PM Nov 11th from HootSuite
'Huge backlog' of cases in NT; - independent enquiry announced to report into the 'notification system' for child abuse http://ow.ly/BbPD 1:45 PM Nov 11th from HootSuite
When agencies can't work out what information can be shared people really do suffer JGOS (mental health service) http://ow.ly/BbNm 1:43 PM Nov 11th from HootSuite
rt @gauntlent rt @drewfromtv Follow me and LIVESTRONG gets 1 M Cancer DOLLARS help me reach1 m followers by 12/31/09 help save a life 11:52 AM Nov 10th from HootSuite
Babies having babies - 12 yr old who escaped proper supervision now has her own child http://ow.ly/ASIE 11:45 AM Nov 10th from HootSuite
Pew Report Only 6% of the adult population has no one who they consider to be “especially significant” in their life. http://ow.ly/ASFG 11:41 AM Nov 10th from HootSuite
Pew report on social isolation 'Only 6% of the adult population has no one with whom they can discuss important matters' http://ow.ly/ASF3 11:40 AM Nov 10th from HootSuite
the old adage - it takes a village to raise a child. http://bit.ly/eWnLe 1:12 PM Nov 6th from web
Medical world first saves baby's life - wonderful how this world of ours can collaborate http://ow.ly/zlgy 12:31 PM Nov 5th from HootSuite
'What do I call my foster carer? Whatever I choose just as long as I feel comfortable with it'. http://ow.ly/yNhC Sensible. 4:33 PM Nov 3rd from HootSuite
Useful publications for children in care from WA Govt - includes a charter of rights for children in care on page 20 http://ow.ly/yNfc 4:31 PM Nov 3rd from HootSuite
We are 'wired' similarly to degus (rodents) and so scientists can extrapolate the impact of single parents? Honestly. http://ow.ly/ygWQ 8:19 PM Nov 1st from HootSuite
Bad reporting 'Scientists are now finding that growing up without a father actually changes the way your brain develops.' http://ow.ly/ygVo 8:17 PM Nov 1st from HootSuite
Six dimensions of child well-being: material, housing, education, health, risk behaviours and quality of school life.http://ow.ly/xsIb 1:33 PM Oct 30th from HootSuite
Oh dear. How many things are wrong with this story. A Kiwi politician's answer to child abuse. http://ow.ly/xsxc 1:18 PM Oct 30th from HootSuite
Parents - become familiar with online tools so you can educate your children. Facebook hate sites are unacceptable! http://ow.ly/xspa 1:10 PM Oct 30th from HootSuite
There IS a link between diet and immune system http://ow.ly/xdva 12:53 PM Oct 29th from HootSuite
We like Chris Gardiner's article on the The Punch (CEO of PCYC) http://ow.ly/x00i so we wrote about it http://tinyurl.com/yhjshpp 12:57 AM Oct 29th from web
Kids need an adult committed to them, and not a committee of social workers and public servants: Chris Gardiner PCYC http://ow.ly/x00i 2:44 PM Oct 28th from HootSuite
intervention...must be built on an intense engagement around a single, consistent and strong adult relationship http://ow.ly/x004 2:43 PM Oct 28th from HootSuite
Failing kids, failing the community - good article in The Punch, re-socialising kids better than locking them up later on http://ow.ly/wZZm
|
Twitter stream to 27-10-09
We post links daily on Twitter to many articles we come across. They are often news reports or research studies that may be relevant to children in care, or to children generally.
We usually manage to provide our blunt opinion with them. While we try hard to be constructive on www.fostercarer.com.au, you’ll see we have a bit more fun with our tweets.
In case you missed them (or heaven forbid, you don’t follow us!) here is a list of our last couple of weeks’ tweets. Oh, and you’ll find the most recent posts at the top. So if you are unfamiliar with Twitter then you should read from the bottom of the post up.
Child protection workers raised 'serious concerns' about an adult's capability to care for a child but no one acted. Why? http://ow.ly/wvZH about 18 hours ago from HootSuite
And on the flip side, parenting is now a competition sport? Its one extreme to the other, isn't it. http://ow.ly/wvkF about 20 hours ago from HootSuite
Beyond belief that parents would let a child suffer because they are fearful of losing her. Or is it? http://ow.ly/wv6j about 21 hours ago from HootSuite
What is the test parents must pass if they have lost custody of a child, before that child or another is returned to them? http://ow.ly/wv5y about 21 hours ago from HootSuite
Good to see technology used to protect children's rights and wellbeing 'kidnapped child found through global money trail' http://ow.ly/vQ2G 3:13 PM Oct 22nd from HootSuite
Mental impairment defence for dad accused of throwing daughter from bridge. Not surprising. http://ow.ly/vPZW 3:09 PM Oct 22nd from HootSuite
Was about to huff about the guidelines but if those TV stats are true then we need more education out there! http://ow.ly/vNx5 9:46 AM Oct 22nd from HootSuite
'four-month-old babies watch 44 minutes of TV daily ...under-fours spend at least three hours a day in front of TV' (ACMA) http://ow.ly/vNwA 9:45 AM Oct 22nd from HootSuite
New parenting guidelines for parents - Don't force your kids to clear their plates at meal times. http://ow.ly/vNvp 9:42 AM Oct 22nd from HootSuite
rt Bckpck4AusKids 5 computers to give to long term foster/kinship carers! The computers are not new and fancy but ... http://bit.ly/r8zDL 1:57 PM Oct 21st from HootSuite
Foster care allowance is lower than this average cost of raising a child 'til 5. After 5 it is even more expensive! http://ow.ly/vAwG 1:54 PM Oct 21st from HootSuite
Small person is squealing with delight doing www.readingeggs.com. Really cool site for spelling and word skills for the under 10's.7:33 PM Oct 20th from HootSuite
Sue Price Men's Rights Agency: 'reasonable contact'. That's the issue - what's reasonable for the child? http://ow.ly/vn8N 4:00 PM Oct 20th from HootSuite
Submission: Family Court to consider parenting roles played by each parent pre-separation before deciding on roles after http://ow.ly/vn0l 3:38 PM Oct 20th from HootSuite
'Children under the current system DO NOT HAVE A VOICE' Submission on Shared parenting rollback - http://ow.ly/vmSp 3:31 PM Oct 20th from HootSuite
What a shame - child abduction hoax: rt @mashable WARNING: “98B351″ AMBER Alert Hoax Still Spreading on Twitter, Facebook - http://bit.ly/3v 10:35 PM Oct 15th from HootSuite
The results of a poor decision in child welfare can scar a child for life. http://ow.ly/uv8J Maybe we need an insurance scheme? 4:02 PM Oct 15th from HootSuite
You can sue a lawyer or a doctor for malpractice - should caseworkers be accountable to the same degree? http://ow.ly/uv8n
While we don't agree with punishment for caseworkers who make errors, we do agree accountability needs to be there http://ow.ly/uv7S 3:41 PM Oct 15th from HootSuite
When the current ideology is restitution with bio family @PruGoward, maybe social workers can argue just following orders? http://ow.ly/ujBL 8:52 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
That'll help recruitment and retention @PruGoward (not). Criminal charges for caseworkers who get it wrong http://ow.ly/ujBm 8:50 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
'Ms Goward said the prospect of punishment for caseworkers could provide better outcomes.' REALLY BAD IDEA http://ow.ly/ujyY 8:45 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
To quote @jcflamini (who knows of what she speaks), 'sometimes the state should not give repeat chances to failing parents' 4:26 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
'A desire to keep children with their families would not change, Ms Burney said.' No, 'keeping with' and 'returning to' are very different. 4:25 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
There are many serious long term impacts of returning children to bio families again, and again, and again. Our post: http://ow.ly/uijV 4:23 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
Is the ideology and desire to return children to bio family overriding their safety? Here's an example of where it did http://ow.ly/uijr 4:21 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
'A BABY girl severely injured since being put in the care of relatives after DOCS took her from a foster family'. http://ow.ly/uiiI 4:19 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
Pre-emptive strike: we teach the Camper that advertising is a crock, and you can't believe what you see in mags #bodyimage http://ow.ly/uh6E 12:59 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
A Youth Advisory Board? Now there's an idea for children's services in Oz. Example here from the US. http://ow.ly/u4U3 3:18 PM Oct 13th from HootSuite
No TV for toddlers? The point is not only quantity, but QUALITY. http://ow.ly/u4Sn 3:13 PM Oct 13th from HootSuite
Just completed the NAPCAN survey on child abuse and neglect - please contribute! http://ow.ly/u3Ff 12:06 PM Oct 13th from HootSuite
RT @colgo too much research flying at parents, maybe they just shouldn't have kids? http://bit.ly/5ASmG 11:48 AM Oct 13th from HootSuite
We usually manage to provide our blunt opinion with them. While we try hard to be constructive on www.fostercarer.com.au, you’ll see we have a bit more fun with our tweets.
In case you missed them (or heaven forbid, you don’t follow us!) here is a list of our last couple of weeks’ tweets. Oh, and you’ll find the most recent posts at the top. So if you are unfamiliar with Twitter then you should read from the bottom of the post up.
Child protection workers raised 'serious concerns' about an adult's capability to care for a child but no one acted. Why? http://ow.ly/wvZH about 18 hours ago from HootSuite
And on the flip side, parenting is now a competition sport? Its one extreme to the other, isn't it. http://ow.ly/wvkF about 20 hours ago from HootSuite
Beyond belief that parents would let a child suffer because they are fearful of losing her. Or is it? http://ow.ly/wv6j about 21 hours ago from HootSuite
What is the test parents must pass if they have lost custody of a child, before that child or another is returned to them? http://ow.ly/wv5y about 21 hours ago from HootSuite
Good to see technology used to protect children's rights and wellbeing 'kidnapped child found through global money trail' http://ow.ly/vQ2G 3:13 PM Oct 22nd from HootSuite
Mental impairment defence for dad accused of throwing daughter from bridge. Not surprising. http://ow.ly/vPZW 3:09 PM Oct 22nd from HootSuite
Was about to huff about the guidelines but if those TV stats are true then we need more education out there! http://ow.ly/vNx5 9:46 AM Oct 22nd from HootSuite
'four-month-old babies watch 44 minutes of TV daily ...under-fours spend at least three hours a day in front of TV' (ACMA) http://ow.ly/vNwA 9:45 AM Oct 22nd from HootSuite
New parenting guidelines for parents - Don't force your kids to clear their plates at meal times. http://ow.ly/vNvp 9:42 AM Oct 22nd from HootSuite
rt Bckpck4AusKids 5 computers to give to long term foster/kinship carers! The computers are not new and fancy but ... http://bit.ly/r8zDL 1:57 PM Oct 21st from HootSuite
Foster care allowance is lower than this average cost of raising a child 'til 5. After 5 it is even more expensive! http://ow.ly/vAwG 1:54 PM Oct 21st from HootSuite
Small person is squealing with delight doing www.readingeggs.com. Really cool site for spelling and word skills for the under 10's.7:33 PM Oct 20th from HootSuite
Sue Price Men's Rights Agency: 'reasonable contact'. That's the issue - what's reasonable for the child? http://ow.ly/vn8N 4:00 PM Oct 20th from HootSuite
Submission: Family Court to consider parenting roles played by each parent pre-separation before deciding on roles after http://ow.ly/vn0l 3:38 PM Oct 20th from HootSuite
'Children under the current system DO NOT HAVE A VOICE' Submission on Shared parenting rollback - http://ow.ly/vmSp 3:31 PM Oct 20th from HootSuite
What a shame - child abduction hoax: rt @mashable WARNING: “98B351″ AMBER Alert Hoax Still Spreading on Twitter, Facebook - http://bit.ly/3v 10:35 PM Oct 15th from HootSuite
The results of a poor decision in child welfare can scar a child for life. http://ow.ly/uv8J Maybe we need an insurance scheme? 4:02 PM Oct 15th from HootSuite
You can sue a lawyer or a doctor for malpractice - should caseworkers be accountable to the same degree? http://ow.ly/uv8n
While we don't agree with punishment for caseworkers who make errors, we do agree accountability needs to be there http://ow.ly/uv7S 3:41 PM Oct 15th from HootSuite
When the current ideology is restitution with bio family @PruGoward, maybe social workers can argue just following orders? http://ow.ly/ujBL 8:52 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
That'll help recruitment and retention @PruGoward (not). Criminal charges for caseworkers who get it wrong http://ow.ly/ujBm 8:50 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
'Ms Goward said the prospect of punishment for caseworkers could provide better outcomes.' REALLY BAD IDEA http://ow.ly/ujyY 8:45 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
To quote @jcflamini (who knows of what she speaks), 'sometimes the state should not give repeat chances to failing parents' 4:26 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
'A desire to keep children with their families would not change, Ms Burney said.' No, 'keeping with' and 'returning to' are very different. 4:25 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
There are many serious long term impacts of returning children to bio families again, and again, and again. Our post: http://ow.ly/uijV 4:23 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
Is the ideology and desire to return children to bio family overriding their safety? Here's an example of where it did http://ow.ly/uijr 4:21 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
'A BABY girl severely injured since being put in the care of relatives after DOCS took her from a foster family'. http://ow.ly/uiiI 4:19 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
Pre-emptive strike: we teach the Camper that advertising is a crock, and you can't believe what you see in mags #bodyimage http://ow.ly/uh6E 12:59 PM Oct 14th from HootSuite
A Youth Advisory Board? Now there's an idea for children's services in Oz. Example here from the US. http://ow.ly/u4U3 3:18 PM Oct 13th from HootSuite
No TV for toddlers? The point is not only quantity, but QUALITY. http://ow.ly/u4Sn 3:13 PM Oct 13th from HootSuite
Just completed the NAPCAN survey on child abuse and neglect - please contribute! http://ow.ly/u3Ff 12:06 PM Oct 13th from HootSuite
RT @colgo too much research flying at parents, maybe they just shouldn't have kids? http://bit.ly/5ASmG 11:48 AM Oct 13th from HootSuite
How foster children respond to stress
By the time I ended up at my first Foster Care home, so much had been taken from me. I no longer had a sense of self, family, belonging, comfort, familiarity, unconditional love, trust, confidence (let’s face it, this comes from stability), and hope! If I use my adult voice I can explain that I was angry, hurt, devastated, abandoned, emotionally disconnected, physically beaten, verbally abused, ridiculed by society and my peers, and completely petrified! I am almost 4 years old.
These words are from Jenny, at www.fostercareinamerica.com. She and her brother Mat write about their memories of childhood. If ever you have stared at your foster child and wondered what is going on, you will find insight here. It’s a unique perspective and we applaud Jenny for having the courage and the energy to show it.
We find those two paragraphs quite hard to read. They represent the stripping away, for a child, of all that they have known. And at 4 years of age, a child has little left.
What is compelling about Jenny’s post is how she talks about the rage that came, unbidden and usually unexpectedly.
These episodes came without warning, calm one minute, and then the rage would surface.
Are you surprised? That a child of four might respond this way?
Mat on the other hand, describes withdrawing, shutting down.
We’ve been highlighting an article from the American Academy of Pediatrics – Developmental Issues for Young children in Foster Care. It has a section on the response in children to psychological stress.
Physical and mental abuse during the first few years of life tends to fix the brain in an acute stress mode that makes the child respond in a hyper-vigilant, fearful manner.
When a child is under acute stress, the typical ‘fight’ response to stress may change from crying – because that was unsuccessful – to temper tantrums, aggressive behaviour, or inattention and withdrawal.
The child, rather than physically running away - the ‘flight’ response, may psychologically disengage. It’s called the freeze response – a child may react to alarm or stress by ceasing any activity. Adults unfamiliar with the child may think they are uncooperative.
We’ve found the article very enlightening, and quite scary. Because it is telling us that these experiences can have a profound impact on a child.
So that’s why we love fostercareinamerica.com. Because Jen shows us how kids can come through. She celebrates the overcoming of adversity for the most vulnerable in society. She shows us it is possible. As carers, faced with a small bundle or anger/anxiety/silence, that’s good to remember.
Details on children kept from foster carers
‘Thousands of foster carers are welcoming children into their homes without being given the full facts about the children’s past, including whether they were victims of abuse’.
We put the link to this Times Online (UK) article on Twitter, and quickly got a response:
11:25pm, Sep 17 from Web
feeling this first hand
The report came from Fostering Network, which represents 43,000 carers in Britain. A couple of court rulings had opened the door for local authorities to be sued if they didn’t meet their duty of care to foster families.
The statistics were blunt – more than 51% of carers in the UK say that they have been given inadequate information about a child in their care, which has put themselves, their own children and even the foster child at risk. A full 30% weren’t told about the child’s medical requirements, 50% were not informed about a history of abuse, and 75% said that they were not made aware of the child’s general behaviour.
This is not an uncommon problem. In the early years it may be critical to understanding the child’s behaviour and health, and as they get older it may be essential to help them understand their past and their birth family.
When the turnover of workers is high (average we’ve heard for DoCS in Oz is about a year, and even in private agencies it runs at about 2 years), and if a child has moved placements a great deal, who on earth has any history for this child?
Oh, that’s right, the system does. (Btw, this is why life story work, however you may do that, is critical for these kids. More on that later.)
So what’s the problem with getting the right information to carers? The case file on a child who comes into your care may:
Why can’t carers see the child’s files, you might ask? We actually don’t think that’s a good idea. There are privacy issues relating to information in there about people other than the child. Carers need to retain some objectivity about birth parents and families. You need a good relationship with them for the child’s sake, and reading what might be a troubled history, that you will make a judgement on, might actually stop you doing that.
What needs to happen is for the files to be reproduced for the carers, with all the facts relevant to the child, but with none of the other stuff.
When the general consensus seems to be that many of our workers are overloaded, it’s not surprising that paperwork isn’t their first priority.
The people to do, what would essentially be a ‘sifting’ job, need to understand privacy, and they need to understand which facts are relevant to the child’s history. So why not find some lawyers, or social workers, who want to work part time? Get them in, make them sign a confidentiality agreement, and get them at it.
We think some rigour needs to be directed at solving these problems. Outsourcing a task is common in business, provided risk and privacy is managed well.
And as the survey shows, there is real risk to the foster family and the child if information is not forthcoming. ‘Flying blind’ can be fun sometimes, but not for a foster carer struggling to understand, manage and care for a small person.
We put the link to this Times Online (UK) article on Twitter, and quickly got a response:
11:25pm, Sep 17 from Web
feeling this first hand
The report came from Fostering Network, which represents 43,000 carers in Britain. A couple of court rulings had opened the door for local authorities to be sued if they didn’t meet their duty of care to foster families.
The statistics were blunt – more than 51% of carers in the UK say that they have been given inadequate information about a child in their care, which has put themselves, their own children and even the foster child at risk. A full 30% weren’t told about the child’s medical requirements, 50% were not informed about a history of abuse, and 75% said that they were not made aware of the child’s general behaviour.
This is not an uncommon problem. In the early years it may be critical to understanding the child’s behaviour and health, and as they get older it may be essential to help them understand their past and their birth family.
When the turnover of workers is high (average we’ve heard for DoCS in Oz is about a year, and even in private agencies it runs at about 2 years), and if a child has moved placements a great deal, who on earth has any history for this child?
Oh, that’s right, the system does. (Btw, this is why life story work, however you may do that, is critical for these kids. More on that later.)
So what’s the problem with getting the right information to carers? The case file on a child who comes into your care may:
- Be very large
- Contain information that is not relevant to the child in your care (for example information about birth family)
- Contain highly sensitive, prejudicial or private information about someone other than your foster child,
- Be very large – oh, we said that.
Why can’t carers see the child’s files, you might ask? We actually don’t think that’s a good idea. There are privacy issues relating to information in there about people other than the child. Carers need to retain some objectivity about birth parents and families. You need a good relationship with them for the child’s sake, and reading what might be a troubled history, that you will make a judgement on, might actually stop you doing that.
What needs to happen is for the files to be reproduced for the carers, with all the facts relevant to the child, but with none of the other stuff.
When the general consensus seems to be that many of our workers are overloaded, it’s not surprising that paperwork isn’t their first priority.
The people to do, what would essentially be a ‘sifting’ job, need to understand privacy, and they need to understand which facts are relevant to the child’s history. So why not find some lawyers, or social workers, who want to work part time? Get them in, make them sign a confidentiality agreement, and get them at it.
We think some rigour needs to be directed at solving these problems. Outsourcing a task is common in business, provided risk and privacy is managed well.
And as the survey shows, there is real risk to the foster family and the child if information is not forthcoming. ‘Flying blind’ can be fun sometimes, but not for a foster carer struggling to understand, manage and care for a small person.
You can't force a relationship
‘THE Family Court has warned separated parents that they are required to hand over children for access visits, whether the children want to go or not.
While parents don't have to "physically drag" the children to the other parent, they do have to "positively encourage" them to go, and punish those who refuse.’
This quote is from an article in The Australian. The Family Court is saying that a parent should punish a child who refuses to abide by any orders made about their access with other parents. If ever there was an example of parental rights walking rough-shod over the well-being of a child, and enshrined in law, this is it.
So it struck a chord with us. Because at some stage your foster child might not want to go to a contact visit to meet with members of their birth family.
Their reaction, and how you and the support network handles it, will depend on the child, the birth family, and the stage of understanding and development the child is at. It will also depend on how skilled your social worker is, and what the social worker’s agenda is.
The article bothers us, not least because a Family Court Judge appears to be slavishly adopting what we have come to think of as dodgy law. Law becomes dodgy when it is high-jacked by interest groups, and driven by a political agenda.
It bothers us because, as Pragnell says, ‘how can it be in (a child’s) best interests to force them into a relationship?’
We’ve seen social workers ‘play God’ (and we don’t use that expression lightly) with foster children’s relationships for many, many years. We’ve seen foster families denied any follow up relationship with a foster child after a placement has ended, despite the fact that relationship was the longest and most stable of the child’s life. And we’ve experienced contact visits with birth family being managed aggressively by the social workers.
You can’t force a relationship.
Here’s what can happen if a foster child is forced into a relationship:
But the system should tread softly for the children’s sake. There are no hard and fast rules or policy, not if you accept that every child is an individual. What is in the child’s best interest at that point in time, considering their age, circumstances, development and security, should prevail.
What should you, as a foster parent, do in these circumstances if you see a relationship being forced? Stand up for your foster child. Support what you think is best for them. Fight if you have to. We’ve done it.
While parents don't have to "physically drag" the children to the other parent, they do have to "positively encourage" them to go, and punish those who refuse.’
This quote is from an article in The Australian. The Family Court is saying that a parent should punish a child who refuses to abide by any orders made about their access with other parents. If ever there was an example of parental rights walking rough-shod over the well-being of a child, and enshrined in law, this is it.
So it struck a chord with us. Because at some stage your foster child might not want to go to a contact visit to meet with members of their birth family.
Their reaction, and how you and the support network handles it, will depend on the child, the birth family, and the stage of understanding and development the child is at. It will also depend on how skilled your social worker is, and what the social worker’s agenda is.
The article bothers us, not least because a Family Court Judge appears to be slavishly adopting what we have come to think of as dodgy law. Law becomes dodgy when it is high-jacked by interest groups, and driven by a political agenda.
It bothers us because, as Pragnell says, ‘how can it be in (a child’s) best interests to force them into a relationship?’
We’ve seen social workers ‘play God’ (and we don’t use that expression lightly) with foster children’s relationships for many, many years. We’ve seen foster families denied any follow up relationship with a foster child after a placement has ended, despite the fact that relationship was the longest and most stable of the child’s life. And we’ve experienced contact visits with birth family being managed aggressively by the social workers.
- Members of the foster family were told not to attend. This was despite the fact that the Camper was drawing great comfort and stability from the newly forming foster relationships, and needed them even more when confronted by birth family.
- Any and all members of birth family were entitled to turn up, no notice required. So when the Camper was dealing with who her birth family members were and the part they played in her life, another one would appear.
- Social workers forced intervention between the Camper and members of the birth family. There were instructions to hug, play, undertake activities. When it wasn’t happening sufficiently, the social workers took over, running the visit. The look on the Camper’s face when told, by essentially a stranger, to hug another stranger, would have been funny were it not so distressing.
You can’t force a relationship.
Here’s what can happen if a foster child is forced into a relationship:
- You run the risk of alienating the child towards their birth family.
- Pushing an aggressive agenda of interaction risks the child losing trust in the social worker.
- Forcing a relationship between foster child and birth family risks the child losing faith in their foster parent. ‘You’re not in control of this’ they will say to you. ‘You can’t help me’.
But the system should tread softly for the children’s sake. There are no hard and fast rules or policy, not if you accept that every child is an individual. What is in the child’s best interest at that point in time, considering their age, circumstances, development and security, should prevail.
What should you, as a foster parent, do in these circumstances if you see a relationship being forced? Stand up for your foster child. Support what you think is best for them. Fight if you have to. We’ve done it.
Attachment issues for children in foster care
The next section of the superb article from the American Academy of Pediatrics covers attachment. Specifically, what is required in order for a child to develop into a healthy human being. Again, we will put the report in our own words in the hope that we can make it a little more accessible.
Not surprisingly, the child needs a relationship with an adult who exhibits the behaviour of a loving, caring parent – nurturing, protection, trust and security. Attachment refers to the relationship between a child and another – that is, two people, and forms the basis for long term relationships.
They state that attachment is an active process. By that they mean something is always happening regarding attachment for children. Children in a poor family circumstance don’t go into limbo while parents and support agencies work things out (we’ve said that before and we’ll say it again.) So attachment at such a time can be both insecure and maladaptive – meaning faulty or inadequate. The child may be actively learning that attachment is faulty, or insecure, or inadequate, not healthy, or enduring, or wonderful.
And in case anyone was wondering: ‘attachment to a primary caregiver (…who provides nurturing, protection, trust and security…) is essential to the development of emotional security and social conscience’ (page 1146).
So far so clear. Attachment issues affect self-esteem and long term relationships. What else?
The article states that the ‘optimal’ child development occurs when a range of the child’s needs are consistently met over an extended period. We’ve paraphrased this concept before and made it personal to us: the Camper deserves to know that there is another day tomorrow that will be, in relation to all the essential elements like nurturing, protection, trust and security, exactly the same as the one she has just had.
And it goes the other way too. Successful parenting is based on a healthy, respectful and long-lasting relationship with the child. In many cases it is highly likely that a birth parent never had this opportunity with their parent, and was unable to provide it for their child. So the cycle begins.
It is the process of parenting – looking after the child’s emotional and psychological needs, as well as their biological needs – that leads a child to perceive a particular adult as his or her parent. And that’s the person they attach to. And the strength of that relationship plays a big part in helping a child overcome early stress or trauma.
So the real risk for children in and out of foster care is that they might fail to form healthy attachments to anyone. They don’t have an adult who is devoted to them, and who accepts and values them for the long term. And in our experience, many of the interactions with both workers and birth family, unless handled with great skill and care, can undermine the forming of that attachment and cause the child more stress and insecurity.
Separation during the first year of life, especially in the first 6 months, may not have a negative effect on social or emotional development.
Separations between 6 months and 3 years of age, if they come about as a result of family breakdown and disruption, are more likely to have ongoing emotional consequences for the child. This is partly due to their age and how they feel around strangers, but also because they do not have the language skills at this age to fully express themselves and make sense of it.
Children older than 3 years when placed with a new family are likely to have the language skills to help them deal with the change. They are at an age where they are able to form strong attachments.
The section concludes with the statement ‘the emotional consequences of multiple placements or disruptions are likely to be harmful at any age.’
So we need to provide stability and long term nurturing for these children? Doesn’t sound too hard, does it?
Not surprisingly, the child needs a relationship with an adult who exhibits the behaviour of a loving, caring parent – nurturing, protection, trust and security. Attachment refers to the relationship between a child and another – that is, two people, and forms the basis for long term relationships.
They state that attachment is an active process. By that they mean something is always happening regarding attachment for children. Children in a poor family circumstance don’t go into limbo while parents and support agencies work things out (we’ve said that before and we’ll say it again.) So attachment at such a time can be both insecure and maladaptive – meaning faulty or inadequate. The child may be actively learning that attachment is faulty, or insecure, or inadequate, not healthy, or enduring, or wonderful.
And in case anyone was wondering: ‘attachment to a primary caregiver (…who provides nurturing, protection, trust and security…) is essential to the development of emotional security and social conscience’ (page 1146).
So far so clear. Attachment issues affect self-esteem and long term relationships. What else?
The article states that the ‘optimal’ child development occurs when a range of the child’s needs are consistently met over an extended period. We’ve paraphrased this concept before and made it personal to us: the Camper deserves to know that there is another day tomorrow that will be, in relation to all the essential elements like nurturing, protection, trust and security, exactly the same as the one she has just had.
And it goes the other way too. Successful parenting is based on a healthy, respectful and long-lasting relationship with the child. In many cases it is highly likely that a birth parent never had this opportunity with their parent, and was unable to provide it for their child. So the cycle begins.
It is the process of parenting – looking after the child’s emotional and psychological needs, as well as their biological needs – that leads a child to perceive a particular adult as his or her parent. And that’s the person they attach to. And the strength of that relationship plays a big part in helping a child overcome early stress or trauma.
So the real risk for children in and out of foster care is that they might fail to form healthy attachments to anyone. They don’t have an adult who is devoted to them, and who accepts and values them for the long term. And in our experience, many of the interactions with both workers and birth family, unless handled with great skill and care, can undermine the forming of that attachment and cause the child more stress and insecurity.
Separation during the first year of life, especially in the first 6 months, may not have a negative effect on social or emotional development.
Separations between 6 months and 3 years of age, if they come about as a result of family breakdown and disruption, are more likely to have ongoing emotional consequences for the child. This is partly due to their age and how they feel around strangers, but also because they do not have the language skills at this age to fully express themselves and make sense of it.
Children older than 3 years when placed with a new family are likely to have the language skills to help them deal with the change. They are at an age where they are able to form strong attachments.
The section concludes with the statement ‘the emotional consequences of multiple placements or disruptions are likely to be harmful at any age.’
So we need to provide stability and long term nurturing for these children? Doesn’t sound too hard, does it?
Developmental issues for young children in foster care
If you follow us on Twitter you will have seen us highlight this article from the American Academy of Pediatrics a week or so ago. It’s called Developmental Issues for Young Children in Foster Care, and while it was published in November 2000, it is as relevant today as it was then.
We’d recommend you read it. Really. If you are a carer, or about to become a carer, read it.
It’s one of the most complete analyses of some of the early development issues faced by children in care in their early years. It’s an academic article, so you’ll find the language, well, academic. Don’t be put off. There are so many relevant points in it we were nodding at nearly every paragraph.
We found much of our foster care training focused on the high level issues you and your foster child will face. It wasn’t until we were in charge of a small person who had so much to make up, that we realised we needed a lot more information on how to accelerate learning and development, if that was indeed possible, and how to deal with the real day to day issues around attachment.
We think this article is so useful that over the next few posts we’re going to highlight some of the key aspects of it. Now we are not child psychologists. But we’ve faced so many of these issues with the Camper, that it’s not academic to us anymore.
Early brain and child development
Let’s paraphrase the article: brain growth and development are most active in the early years of life – that’s when personality traits, learning processes, and coping with stress and emotions are established and then become permanent for children.
For children who have little stimulation, or who deal with child abuse or family violence, this development may either stall or be impaired.
What is needed to let children develop their cognitive (perception, memory, judgment and reasoning), language and socialisation skills is stimulation and nurturing. So as a carer, you might find you need to do more than just attend to the physical needs of this child. While the system has hopefully prevented it happening further, you need to repair.
You may need to take on some serious activity and stimulation. We did. When faced with a child failing to thrive we planned each day to cover many experiences. Among other things we sang, played, ran, hopped, jumped, swam, did kindy gym, talked endlessly and explained everything, played with words, mimicked one another, played with water and sand, played upside down, cuddled animals - both real and soft, chose and cherished special comfort toys, and read stories every single day. There were lots of social experiences too, visits to parks and playgrounds, shopping centres and coffee shops, family and friends’ homes. And there were lots of cuddles, and giggles, and routine.
You need to make sure you talk to all the resources at your disposal – workers, paediatricians, health services and others – to work out what may be needed for your foster child, and in fact what is possible.
But we can tell you we are in awe of what a child is able to achieve. And the more you can invest in them, the better chance they’ll have.
We’d recommend you read it. Really. If you are a carer, or about to become a carer, read it.
It’s one of the most complete analyses of some of the early development issues faced by children in care in their early years. It’s an academic article, so you’ll find the language, well, academic. Don’t be put off. There are so many relevant points in it we were nodding at nearly every paragraph.
We found much of our foster care training focused on the high level issues you and your foster child will face. It wasn’t until we were in charge of a small person who had so much to make up, that we realised we needed a lot more information on how to accelerate learning and development, if that was indeed possible, and how to deal with the real day to day issues around attachment.
We think this article is so useful that over the next few posts we’re going to highlight some of the key aspects of it. Now we are not child psychologists. But we’ve faced so many of these issues with the Camper, that it’s not academic to us anymore.
Early brain and child development
Let’s paraphrase the article: brain growth and development are most active in the early years of life – that’s when personality traits, learning processes, and coping with stress and emotions are established and then become permanent for children.
For children who have little stimulation, or who deal with child abuse or family violence, this development may either stall or be impaired.
What is needed to let children develop their cognitive (perception, memory, judgment and reasoning), language and socialisation skills is stimulation and nurturing. So as a carer, you might find you need to do more than just attend to the physical needs of this child. While the system has hopefully prevented it happening further, you need to repair.
You may need to take on some serious activity and stimulation. We did. When faced with a child failing to thrive we planned each day to cover many experiences. Among other things we sang, played, ran, hopped, jumped, swam, did kindy gym, talked endlessly and explained everything, played with words, mimicked one another, played with water and sand, played upside down, cuddled animals - both real and soft, chose and cherished special comfort toys, and read stories every single day. There were lots of social experiences too, visits to parks and playgrounds, shopping centres and coffee shops, family and friends’ homes. And there were lots of cuddles, and giggles, and routine.
You need to make sure you talk to all the resources at your disposal – workers, paediatricians, health services and others – to work out what may be needed for your foster child, and in fact what is possible.
But we can tell you we are in awe of what a child is able to achieve. And the more you can invest in them, the better chance they’ll have.
Foster children walking on eggshells
Here is a quote, from a real person, Jennifer, who runs a site called Foster Care in America. Her site gets the thumbs up from us because of its constructive focus, and its positive objectives. Jennifer highlights foster care alumni and their achievements, and has recently started writing about her experiences as a child in care. How’s that for leadership?
So just take a moment, close your eyes, and try to think about what that might feel like. Knowing that the most fundamental element of your life – where you live and who you live with – might change at any moment. No warning. Out of your control. That’s stressful.
Why on earth would you begin to put down any roots? Why would you bother?
Children are learning to live with a level of stress that most of us only deal with as adults. What does that do to them?
As adults, we have lots of resources available to help us cope with stress. We have the ability to research for ourselves. We have support groups, family networks and often employers who care enough to teach us to deal with it or to support us if it becomes overwhelming. And we have life experience to put the stressful event in some sort of context.
Kids have none of that.
The Camper is with us now until she decides otherwise (she has told us that she’s never moving out by the way). She sees her birth family and this knowledge of her history is good. But we’ve seen her deal with stress about her birth family. She has suffered acute stress after contact visits. She suffers stress about what she thinks her birth family expect of her at contact visits. It’s not what the usual under-10 brigade has to deal with, and so we balance two approaches with her: a cheerful sense of robustness about it all (‘oh, you’ll be fine!’), and an acutely tuned awareness of how she really feels. So we are actively addressing the Camper’s stress. If we want her to trust us and have confidence that we can make it right for her, we need to be able to influence it.
Luckily we can. As the Camper works through this it has reinforced for her that:
If moving children causes them such stress, shouldn’t we aim not to move them? Or if we need to move them, shouldn’t we have the guts to make it permanent, at the very least for those early formative years. When there is so much evidence that multiple moves harm children, why do we keep accepting that it is the best we can do?
Imagine if we could get a Prime Minister to say ‘No child should walk on eggshells, knowing that at any moment without warning; HOME CHANGE!’
So just take a moment, close your eyes, and try to think about what that might feel like. Knowing that the most fundamental element of your life – where you live and who you live with – might change at any moment. No warning. Out of your control. That’s stressful.
Why on earth would you begin to put down any roots? Why would you bother?
Children are learning to live with a level of stress that most of us only deal with as adults. What does that do to them?
As adults, we have lots of resources available to help us cope with stress. We have the ability to research for ourselves. We have support groups, family networks and often employers who care enough to teach us to deal with it or to support us if it becomes overwhelming. And we have life experience to put the stressful event in some sort of context.
Kids have none of that.
The Camper is with us now until she decides otherwise (she has told us that she’s never moving out by the way). She sees her birth family and this knowledge of her history is good. But we’ve seen her deal with stress about her birth family. She has suffered acute stress after contact visits. She suffers stress about what she thinks her birth family expect of her at contact visits. It’s not what the usual under-10 brigade has to deal with, and so we balance two approaches with her: a cheerful sense of robustness about it all (‘oh, you’ll be fine!’), and an acutely tuned awareness of how she really feels. So we are actively addressing the Camper’s stress. If we want her to trust us and have confidence that we can make it right for her, we need to be able to influence it.
Luckily we can. As the Camper works through this it has reinforced for her that:
- We are her family, we love her and we will help her work through this.
- We know her best and she can talk to us about it.
- She gets a say, and she can influence the outcome.
If moving children causes them such stress, shouldn’t we aim not to move them? Or if we need to move them, shouldn’t we have the guts to make it permanent, at the very least for those early formative years. When there is so much evidence that multiple moves harm children, why do we keep accepting that it is the best we can do?
Imagine if we could get a Prime Minister to say ‘No child should walk on eggshells, knowing that at any moment without warning; HOME CHANGE!’
'Shattered father failed by DoCS system'
OK, we’d like to warn anyone who has been more than an occasional reader of this blog to hold on. Because we are about to stand up for DoCS. Bet you never saw that coming, heh?
We regularly hold social work agencies and workers up to scrutiny for poor policy, poor performance, and poor people management. But we try to balance our rants with some constructive suggestions about what the preferred approach should be. And as we are foster parents in the system, we are actively putting our money where our mouth is. We’ve earned our right to have a say and it is an informed one. Right?
So we’ve been watching this week’s vitriol from the great uninformed about DoCS’ performance in relation to the 12 year old mum to be. If you follow us on Twitter (@fostercarer) then you’ll have seen some tweets (and if you don’t follow us on Twitter, give it a go. Pithy is good and we are at our pithiest there…)
Here’s the most recent, in depth (and we use that term loosely) article on the subject from The Daily Telegraph. It’s titled Shattered father failed by rotten DoCS system. That’s an award winning headline.
All fingers, including those of anyone who can type a comment on a news website, are pointing to DoCS as having failed the expectant child. Despite an order awarding custody to the mother, who was clearly not fit to care for the child or provide a safe home (so who made THAT decision?), when the non-custodial father raised his concerns to DoCS about the child’s welfare, they didn’t remove the child.
In work and life we believe you should cop it on the chin when you deserve it. But our sense of fairness is feeling a bit confronted.
Even Community Services Minister Linda Burney seems to have waved goodbye to the horse as it bolted past her out the gate, and has given up trying to provide any cogent explanation as to what really happened in DoCS when one of these cases hits the headlines.
So we applauded just a bit when we saw this piece from Tory Maguire on The Punch, entitled Blaming Government for rotten parents.
She writes: ‘Blaming the authorities has become the default position for so many people who don’t think the ultimate responsibility for the care of children lies with their parents.’
Spot on. We’re not sure who appointed DoCS as the only defence for children in this state, but they seem to be expected to pick up the pieces when it all goes pear-shaped no matter what the previous circumstances. If they were resourced, and structured to do just that, then we’d be leading the calls for accountability. The problem with all this is that slowly, relentlessly, we are accepting the idea that DoCS is ultimately and finally responsible. Not the parents. Not the community. Not the police or the legal system. Not the other support systems like schools and the medical profession.
Maguire points out that ‘there were children in greater danger than this little girl’ that took the available resources.
Do you know, at some point that could have been our foster child? We have a child in care because the decision was made that her birth family couldn’t care for her properly. She was at serious risk of immediate harm and enduring hardship, and a worker mobilised the system to remove her and initiated the decision to keep her safe. Her case was, in an over-taxed system, given priority.
So here’s a quiet round of applause for all the dedicated DoCS workers who make the right decisions. Credit where credit is due. It’s a shame that the positive stories don’t sell newspapers, isn’t it.
We regularly hold social work agencies and workers up to scrutiny for poor policy, poor performance, and poor people management. But we try to balance our rants with some constructive suggestions about what the preferred approach should be. And as we are foster parents in the system, we are actively putting our money where our mouth is. We’ve earned our right to have a say and it is an informed one. Right?
So we’ve been watching this week’s vitriol from the great uninformed about DoCS’ performance in relation to the 12 year old mum to be. If you follow us on Twitter (@fostercarer) then you’ll have seen some tweets (and if you don’t follow us on Twitter, give it a go. Pithy is good and we are at our pithiest there…)
Here’s the most recent, in depth (and we use that term loosely) article on the subject from The Daily Telegraph. It’s titled Shattered father failed by rotten DoCS system. That’s an award winning headline.
All fingers, including those of anyone who can type a comment on a news website, are pointing to DoCS as having failed the expectant child. Despite an order awarding custody to the mother, who was clearly not fit to care for the child or provide a safe home (so who made THAT decision?), when the non-custodial father raised his concerns to DoCS about the child’s welfare, they didn’t remove the child.
In work and life we believe you should cop it on the chin when you deserve it. But our sense of fairness is feeling a bit confronted.
Even Community Services Minister Linda Burney seems to have waved goodbye to the horse as it bolted past her out the gate, and has given up trying to provide any cogent explanation as to what really happened in DoCS when one of these cases hits the headlines.
So we applauded just a bit when we saw this piece from Tory Maguire on The Punch, entitled Blaming Government for rotten parents.
She writes: ‘Blaming the authorities has become the default position for so many people who don’t think the ultimate responsibility for the care of children lies with their parents.’
Spot on. We’re not sure who appointed DoCS as the only defence for children in this state, but they seem to be expected to pick up the pieces when it all goes pear-shaped no matter what the previous circumstances. If they were resourced, and structured to do just that, then we’d be leading the calls for accountability. The problem with all this is that slowly, relentlessly, we are accepting the idea that DoCS is ultimately and finally responsible. Not the parents. Not the community. Not the police or the legal system. Not the other support systems like schools and the medical profession.
Maguire points out that ‘there were children in greater danger than this little girl’ that took the available resources.
Do you know, at some point that could have been our foster child? We have a child in care because the decision was made that her birth family couldn’t care for her properly. She was at serious risk of immediate harm and enduring hardship, and a worker mobilised the system to remove her and initiated the decision to keep her safe. Her case was, in an over-taxed system, given priority.
So here’s a quiet round of applause for all the dedicated DoCS workers who make the right decisions. Credit where credit is due. It’s a shame that the positive stories don’t sell newspapers, isn’t it.
Reporting more detail on children in care?
This came from Caroline Overington (#overingtonc) via Twitter. The full article is called The girl in the window, and recounts, in quite astonishing detail, the story of a 9 year old Florida girl.
She was so neglected and abused in her birth family that she now suffers developmental delay of the most extreme, fundamental kind. She has been adopted by a family who are trying to mend what they can. The article discloses a great deal of personal information about the child and her birth family, and a lot of detail on what the child experienced.
It should be compulsory reading for anyone who thinks they have an informed opinion on children’s services.
So, why can’t Overington and other responsible journos report this type of story, at this level of detail, in Australia?
Should we be able to report this type of story at this level of detail?
How can you work to a solution when no one is able to openly discuss the problem?
Can you educate all the people involved when the facts remain hidden?
Can you bring struggling parents to some degree of self-awareness if they never hear other stories they might identify with?
Can you report at this level of detail and still protect people’s privacy, particularly the children’s?
Perhaps it is time for a new approach.
Just today it was reported that ’Australian health and welfare agencies … formed a taskforce to combat increasing numbers of child abuse and neglect, which reached 55,000 cases last year’.
With notifications for alleged child abuse and neglect almost tripling in Australia between 1999 and 2007, the problem isn’t being solved by existing methods.
So maybe the time has come to give some committed, experienced, responsible journos the green light to start reporting.
Is it too easy to consider it ‘someone else’s problem’ if we don’t get too close to it?
When do we listen to the children?
Well done to Jenny Brockie and her team for the Insight program on Kids on Divorce.
While we think it is one of the most thought-provoking shows on the box, sometimes the dive is way too shallow. Just when you think the issue is finally open, the show finishes. And presenting one perspective, while powerful, can leave a viewer wondering what the other ‘side’ is. Some of the comments on the website suggest that there is another perspective.
But Brockie and Co should be giving lessons, for they are doing what too many institutions, and individuals, have failed to do for a long time now.
They are listening.
In Brockie’s case, she asks people what they actually think. And in this episode the kids had a view on divorce and its impact on them.
LISTEN
Where does the system give the secondary players (that would be the minor children) a say? Too often they are deemed too young to know what’s best for them. But their behaviour will often tell you that what is happening to them isn’t good.
LISTEN
And yet no one asks them their view. Or if they are asked there is no follow through. We once counselled a senior corporate executive that IF he asked the question then he needed to SHOW how he was acting on the answers.
LISTEN
Children might know what they want today. And then tomorrow they want something different. That’s the nature of small people. But if you spend enough time with them, you will hear a consistent message.
LISTEN
Too often the system pays lip service to listening, and then marshals all the research to tell the individual why they are wrong. Anyone who’s done at least a year at uni knows that you can make the statistics say just about anything if you try hard enough and ask the right questions.
LISTEN
How about listening to the individual? We need a system that stops dragging people to the average. The most amazing comment we ever heard was from a private agency senior manager who told us that neither the Camper nor we were unique. Well my dear, we’ve got news for you. We are. We’re happy to say that there is no one else EXACTLY the same as us in the world. That makes us unique. You wanted to classify us as average so we would fit the statistics and do as you said.
LISTEN
We watched a DOCS worker sit beside a very young child in out of home care, and listen. She asked thoughtful questions, heard the answers, asked some careful and gentle follow up questions. It was done with such care and skill that we were mightily impressed. So if one person in the system can do it, why can’t everyone?
LISTEN
We don’t raise Happy Camper using statistics and averages. We use our love for her, our knowledge of her, and our desire to see her become the person she deserves to be. And so far, all reports from those in ‘the system’ are that she’s going fabulously. Have we proven ourselves? How about listening to us too?
While we think it is one of the most thought-provoking shows on the box, sometimes the dive is way too shallow. Just when you think the issue is finally open, the show finishes. And presenting one perspective, while powerful, can leave a viewer wondering what the other ‘side’ is. Some of the comments on the website suggest that there is another perspective.
But Brockie and Co should be giving lessons, for they are doing what too many institutions, and individuals, have failed to do for a long time now.
They are listening.
In Brockie’s case, she asks people what they actually think. And in this episode the kids had a view on divorce and its impact on them.
LISTEN
Where does the system give the secondary players (that would be the minor children) a say? Too often they are deemed too young to know what’s best for them. But their behaviour will often tell you that what is happening to them isn’t good.
LISTEN
And yet no one asks them their view. Or if they are asked there is no follow through. We once counselled a senior corporate executive that IF he asked the question then he needed to SHOW how he was acting on the answers.
LISTEN
Children might know what they want today. And then tomorrow they want something different. That’s the nature of small people. But if you spend enough time with them, you will hear a consistent message.
LISTEN
Too often the system pays lip service to listening, and then marshals all the research to tell the individual why they are wrong. Anyone who’s done at least a year at uni knows that you can make the statistics say just about anything if you try hard enough and ask the right questions.
LISTEN
How about listening to the individual? We need a system that stops dragging people to the average. The most amazing comment we ever heard was from a private agency senior manager who told us that neither the Camper nor we were unique. Well my dear, we’ve got news for you. We are. We’re happy to say that there is no one else EXACTLY the same as us in the world. That makes us unique. You wanted to classify us as average so we would fit the statistics and do as you said.
LISTEN
We watched a DOCS worker sit beside a very young child in out of home care, and listen. She asked thoughtful questions, heard the answers, asked some careful and gentle follow up questions. It was done with such care and skill that we were mightily impressed. So if one person in the system can do it, why can’t everyone?
LISTEN
We don’t raise Happy Camper using statistics and averages. We use our love for her, our knowledge of her, and our desire to see her become the person she deserves to be. And so far, all reports from those in ‘the system’ are that she’s going fabulously. Have we proven ourselves? How about listening to us too?
Foster parent rights?
We’ve talked before about being called ‘foster carers’ by the system, when as far as Happy Camper is concerned we are her parents. An article in the SMH today threw that issue into stark focus.
You can read the article here: ‘Agony of deciding who will look after young’ – the byline is ‘An Aboriginal mother has reclaimed her children, but the foster parents are furious, writes Adele Horin.’
By our reading of the article, the two children in question have been in care for about 4-5 years, from when they were very tiny. The biological mother has reclaimed them, after getting her life back on track and establishing a stable relationship.
One paragraph really struck a chord:
‘When is the right time - if ever - to restore children to their biological parents? How is it possible to weigh up children's stability and their attachment to their long-term foster carers against the potential enduring benefits of growing up in their biological family, knowing their siblings and their culture?’
Listen to the language of that paragraph. Biological parents. Biological family. Siblings. Enduring. Adele Horin is using the terminology the system uses.
The problem is – that terminology is loaded with meaning and riddled with assumptions. We all use that language daily and it instantly evokes, for most of us, a sense of right and entitlement and relationships and outcomes.
The people these children have lived with for the last 4-5 years – the bulk - of their lives are referred to in the paragraph as ‘long term foster carers’. The article later explains that for one of the children the foster mother is ‘the only mum he's known’.
The foster carers lost out in that paragraph, big time. The language does not describe any emotional connection with the child that most of us can relate to. Attachment? Carer?
Here’s how it might have read with one small change:
‘When is the right time - if ever - to restore children to their biological parents? How is it possible to weigh up children's stability and their attachment to their second mum and dad and siblings against the potential enduring benefits of growing up in their biological family, knowing their siblings and their culture?’
The child leaps the divide – giving you their heart, their trust, their love. You become their mum and their dad. And yet the system is unwilling to acknowledge the shift. We could be cynical, and say that it helps the system justify the movement of children back to biological parents. You start by using language that maintains a distance between child and new family.
So, having trouble recruiting foster carers? No wonder. There is nothing in that story to reassure any carer that the child they have parented will be with them until the child is able make a decision about their future.
Until prospective carers hear language from the media and the ‘system’ that recognises the emotional bond we ‘carers’ create with these children, it will continue to be difficult to attract quality carers.
Posted by EssentialMum
You can read the article here: ‘Agony of deciding who will look after young’ – the byline is ‘An Aboriginal mother has reclaimed her children, but the foster parents are furious, writes Adele Horin.’
By our reading of the article, the two children in question have been in care for about 4-5 years, from when they were very tiny. The biological mother has reclaimed them, after getting her life back on track and establishing a stable relationship.
One paragraph really struck a chord:
‘When is the right time - if ever - to restore children to their biological parents? How is it possible to weigh up children's stability and their attachment to their long-term foster carers against the potential enduring benefits of growing up in their biological family, knowing their siblings and their culture?’
Listen to the language of that paragraph. Biological parents. Biological family. Siblings. Enduring. Adele Horin is using the terminology the system uses.
The problem is – that terminology is loaded with meaning and riddled with assumptions. We all use that language daily and it instantly evokes, for most of us, a sense of right and entitlement and relationships and outcomes.
The people these children have lived with for the last 4-5 years – the bulk - of their lives are referred to in the paragraph as ‘long term foster carers’. The article later explains that for one of the children the foster mother is ‘the only mum he's known’.
The foster carers lost out in that paragraph, big time. The language does not describe any emotional connection with the child that most of us can relate to. Attachment? Carer?
Here’s how it might have read with one small change:
‘When is the right time - if ever - to restore children to their biological parents? How is it possible to weigh up children's stability and their attachment to their second mum and dad and siblings against the potential enduring benefits of growing up in their biological family, knowing their siblings and their culture?’
The child leaps the divide – giving you their heart, their trust, their love. You become their mum and their dad. And yet the system is unwilling to acknowledge the shift. We could be cynical, and say that it helps the system justify the movement of children back to biological parents. You start by using language that maintains a distance between child and new family.
So, having trouble recruiting foster carers? No wonder. There is nothing in that story to reassure any carer that the child they have parented will be with them until the child is able make a decision about their future.
Until prospective carers hear language from the media and the ‘system’ that recognises the emotional bond we ‘carers’ create with these children, it will continue to be difficult to attract quality carers.
Posted by EssentialMum
Can we 'fix' DOCs?
Rise in deaths of 'at risk' children (The Australian, Caroline Overington | October 16, 2008).
‘MORE than 150 children who died in NSW last year came from families that were known to the Department of Community Services. The figure, a quarter of all child deaths in the state, represents a 40 per cent increase on the previous year in the number of so-called "reviewable" deaths.’
‘Fix DOCs’ we hear people shriek.
But you can’t fix a problem at the macro level. So you can’t just ‘fix DOCs’.
To solve problems, you need to be very specific about the problems. You need to be honest and open about what causes them. You need to address them quite specifically. But you need to understand how fixing the problem in the middle will impact all the others surrounding it. It is essential that everyone who plays a role agrees on what the problems are and wants to solve them.
So if more children ‘at risk’ died in 2008 than in the previous year, why?
Let’s state the obvious - children were left in a home environment that was dangerous to their life or to their health. The system that is charged with making decisions about what is best for them didn’t act, couldn’t act, couldn’t monitor, or simply couldn’t solve the problems.
Here are some of the questions we think need to be asked:
There is a lot riding on the outcomes of the Wood Commission. Let’s hope that at the first level there has been a very honest assessment of what the problems are that need to be solved.
Posted by EssentialMum
‘MORE than 150 children who died in NSW last year came from families that were known to the Department of Community Services. The figure, a quarter of all child deaths in the state, represents a 40 per cent increase on the previous year in the number of so-called "reviewable" deaths.’
‘Fix DOCs’ we hear people shriek.
But you can’t fix a problem at the macro level. So you can’t just ‘fix DOCs’.
To solve problems, you need to be very specific about the problems. You need to be honest and open about what causes them. You need to address them quite specifically. But you need to understand how fixing the problem in the middle will impact all the others surrounding it. It is essential that everyone who plays a role agrees on what the problems are and wants to solve them.
So if more children ‘at risk’ died in 2008 than in the previous year, why?
Let’s state the obvious - children were left in a home environment that was dangerous to their life or to their health. The system that is charged with making decisions about what is best for them didn’t act, couldn’t act, couldn’t monitor, or simply couldn’t solve the problems.
Here are some of the questions we think need to be asked:
- At what point does the child’s right to a safe, healthy, stable life become more important then staying with their birth parents? Are there government or agency policies that influence these decisions?
- What is the risk to the child and its development if the ‘recovery or rehabilitation’ of a birth parent is slow or troubled by setbacks? Will the child’s life and development be compromised in either the short or the long term by not moving them?
- Do workers feel they have the autonomy to make a call regarding the child’s circumstances? Are they equipped to make the call? Are they supported by the system in making that call? Is the system prepared to deal with calls that may be premature?
- What if the headline we were reading reported an increase in the number of children removed from their birth families? Would we be comfortable with that?
- Are the civil liberties of birth parents over-riding the best interests of the child?
- What resources are available to the birth parents to help them cope with life, family and future? How willing and capable are the birth parents of using those resources?
- Is a system in place that can monitor birth parents’ progress and keep watch on the health and safety of the child? Can the system do this frequently enough to adequately monitor the child? If not, what is the risk to the child?
There is a lot riding on the outcomes of the Wood Commission. Let’s hope that at the first level there has been a very honest assessment of what the problems are that need to be solved.
Posted by EssentialMum
Don't look now: your relationship is not working
We had a great conversation recently with our social worker. It was around upcoming activities, holiday birth family contact and arrangements. What made it so great?
We exchanged views with the worker on a couple of issues. We listened to them, they listened to us, and we agreed on an approach that we were both happy with. Importantly, we both agreed that Happy Camper’s requirements were the most important ones. With such a clear agreement about the priority, coming to a solution was easy.
We had a quick word about what Happy Camper was up to. The worker reminded us of how far we have come and what great progress the Camper has made. It was wonderful to see that our worker recalls the journey we’ve taken, and trusts us to continue.
Sounds simple really. But it isn’t always.
We’ve experienced worker/carer meltdown. After several harmonious years, we were assigned a new worker who wanted to change the world, change Happy Camper’s life, and start ‘all over again’. We put our views to the the worker. They were never given a hearing. We outlined what part of the proposed changes we couldn't accommodate. We were told we simply had to. Suddenly issues that never rose before become deal-breakers. The agency and its workers had no room for a differing point of view. Even when Happy Camper had made outstanding progress under our care.
So what are your options? We can’t advise specifically, but here’s what we’ve seen.
Often a carer will try to put up with it because they are concerned that the child in care might become caught in the middle. Or they are concerned that any rising tension in dealing with a worker may flow over to the child. Often a carer, faced daily with numerous challenges in caring for the child, will simply roll with it. Too often a carer has no point of reference (or no time to chase a point of reference) to say ‘Is this really acceptable?’
The risk of going with it is that ‘bad situations’ don’t hold steady. They usually become worse. New issues give rise to new levels of conflict and irritation that build.
You need to work out where the relationship will end up.
Can you roll with it and manage around it? Can you stay calm and detached after contact with the worker? Can you manage the worker’s approach (or the agency’s policies) and still be happy with the outcome for your foster child?
If the answer to any of those is no, we’d suggest you act. Explain clearly to the worker your position. Call a meeting with their manager to discuss your perspective. Give it a go and work through suggested actions to resolve it. But if it still doesn’t work, don’t be afraid to take it higher.
We changed agencies when it became clear that the worker/agency approach was diametrically opposed to what we knew was best for Happy Camper. We were faced with an agency that would not modify any policy or approach one iota, because Happy Camper was ‘just one’ of their many children. The change wasn’t easy, but it was in Happy Camper’s best interests. And like any parent, we find it easy to put her interests first.
Posted by EssentialMum
We exchanged views with the worker on a couple of issues. We listened to them, they listened to us, and we agreed on an approach that we were both happy with. Importantly, we both agreed that Happy Camper’s requirements were the most important ones. With such a clear agreement about the priority, coming to a solution was easy.
We had a quick word about what Happy Camper was up to. The worker reminded us of how far we have come and what great progress the Camper has made. It was wonderful to see that our worker recalls the journey we’ve taken, and trusts us to continue.
Sounds simple really. But it isn’t always.
We’ve experienced worker/carer meltdown. After several harmonious years, we were assigned a new worker who wanted to change the world, change Happy Camper’s life, and start ‘all over again’. We put our views to the the worker. They were never given a hearing. We outlined what part of the proposed changes we couldn't accommodate. We were told we simply had to. Suddenly issues that never rose before become deal-breakers. The agency and its workers had no room for a differing point of view. Even when Happy Camper had made outstanding progress under our care.
So what are your options? We can’t advise specifically, but here’s what we’ve seen.
Often a carer will try to put up with it because they are concerned that the child in care might become caught in the middle. Or they are concerned that any rising tension in dealing with a worker may flow over to the child. Often a carer, faced daily with numerous challenges in caring for the child, will simply roll with it. Too often a carer has no point of reference (or no time to chase a point of reference) to say ‘Is this really acceptable?’
The risk of going with it is that ‘bad situations’ don’t hold steady. They usually become worse. New issues give rise to new levels of conflict and irritation that build.
You need to work out where the relationship will end up.
Can you roll with it and manage around it? Can you stay calm and detached after contact with the worker? Can you manage the worker’s approach (or the agency’s policies) and still be happy with the outcome for your foster child?
If the answer to any of those is no, we’d suggest you act. Explain clearly to the worker your position. Call a meeting with their manager to discuss your perspective. Give it a go and work through suggested actions to resolve it. But if it still doesn’t work, don’t be afraid to take it higher.
We changed agencies when it became clear that the worker/agency approach was diametrically opposed to what we knew was best for Happy Camper. We were faced with an agency that would not modify any policy or approach one iota, because Happy Camper was ‘just one’ of their many children. The change wasn’t easy, but it was in Happy Camper’s best interests. And like any parent, we find it easy to put her interests first.
Posted by EssentialMum
We have a new dog and we don’t know anything about her
Dogs don't live as long as we do. Some deserve to live longer than they do, given how loving, and loyal, and friendly, and funny they are. If you are going to be a dog owner for life then you have to learn say farewell to old friends and welcome new ones.
After losing a terrific dog last year we have adopted a new dog. She's two - while we love puppies there are always some lovely older dogs looking for a home. Our male dog came to us at 14 months, bonded beautifully and has been a loving pal for 8 years now.
Our new pup came via a friend. And when she arrived, we realised:
So we’ve developed our understanding of this little dog over the last months. Happy Camper has been delighted to find a real little playmate. Fine for a dog.
So how 'disappointing' (you can insert your own adjective here depending on your viewpoint) to tell you that the experience was pretty much the same with Happy Camper. Despite all the networks and information amassed on these children and their families and their circumstances, we knew next to nothing when she came. We had three visits with the previous carers as part of the handover and asked as many questions as we could in the allotted time, but how do you cover a child's life in a couple of hours?
When Happy Camper came to us:
So what do you do?
You don't waste time, at that point, making an issue of it.
You start from where you are. We’ve built Happy Camper’s life again from the ground up, and as she gets older we will increase the information about her family and her past.
But it would be good if all those who work with us, care for us and help us, remember that often we have to dive in, terrain unknown, and sort it out as we go along. That takes guts, and skill, and tenacity, and strength.
Posted by EssentialMum
After losing a terrific dog last year we have adopted a new dog. She's two - while we love puppies there are always some lovely older dogs looking for a home. Our male dog came to us at 14 months, bonded beautifully and has been a loving pal for 8 years now.
Our new pup came via a friend. And when she arrived, we realised:
- We had no detail about where she lived before.
- We had no information about her previous family, other than that she’d been used to children.
- We had no detail about her day-to-day life, her habits, and her routines.
- We didn’t know what food she liked, what treats were special.
- We had no special toy for her.
- We had no understanding of her experiences – what she was used to, what she handled well, what she was unsettled by.
So we’ve developed our understanding of this little dog over the last months. Happy Camper has been delighted to find a real little playmate. Fine for a dog.
You know where we are going with this one ... don't you?
So how 'disappointing' (you can insert your own adjective here depending on your viewpoint) to tell you that the experience was pretty much the same with Happy Camper. Despite all the networks and information amassed on these children and their families and their circumstances, we knew next to nothing when she came. We had three visits with the previous carers as part of the handover and asked as many questions as we could in the allotted time, but how do you cover a child's life in a couple of hours?
When Happy Camper came to us:
- We had the barest detail on her day to day routine.
- We had very few photos of the time she spent with her previous family. We've now raised it with our current (very good) worker to fill some of these gaps.
- We had no toys. Lots of McDonalds giveaways but not one special teddy or doll that was Happy Camper's.
- We had four outfits. Lots of baby clothes from when Happy Camper was 12 months old. Nothing close to an reasonable ‘wardrobe’ for a two year old.
So what do you do?
You don't waste time, at that point, making an issue of it.
You start from where you are. We’ve built Happy Camper’s life again from the ground up, and as she gets older we will increase the information about her family and her past.
But it would be good if all those who work with us, care for us and help us, remember that often we have to dive in, terrain unknown, and sort it out as we go along. That takes guts, and skill, and tenacity, and strength.
Posted by EssentialMum
Getting access right
With school holidays just around the corner, our thoughts and plans, now that Happy Camper is at school, turn to access.
It was more difficult when she was tiny, when her behaviour after the visit showed how deep the impact of the visit was for her, and when we couldn’t discuss it.
Access covers so many different circumstances that 'what works' will be vastly different for us all. So here are some things we’ve learned:
Align the venue or activity with your foster child's natural inclination. If they are physical, get outdoors. It sounds really obvious, but it's amazing how you can end up at a venue that suits no one. We spent several visits at a local council library. Birth Mum was completely at sea with the concept of interacting with her child through reading, Happy Camper was constrained by the environment (don't run, be quiet). As both Birth Mum and Happy Camper struggled to interact Social Worker took over, to role model for Birth Mum. She ended up playing with Happy Camper while Birth Mum came and sat with EssentialMum. We both wondered what access was all about.
Now we meet at a park, or a pool, with lots of space and activities that allow Happy Camper to let off steam, play quite exclusively with Birth Mum, come back to join us, sit and talk. Birth Mum also sees the real Happy Camper - the tears when something doesn't go right for her, and the courage that sees her climb to the top of the monkey bars. Birth Mum is scared of heights and it is a challenge for her to see her daughter standing so straight and tall and confidently at the top of the climbing frame. It's testing her perception of Happy Camper and helping her see the real little person.
We've seen an improvement in how Happy Camper deals with access as a result and the whole effect is much more natural.
So have a say. Offer your view to the social workers about access. You know the child best.
Posted by EssentialMum
Happy Camper enjoys seeing Birth Mum. Now Happy Camper is much more articulate it is easier to discuss how she feels about the visits and what she likes.
It was more difficult when she was tiny, when her behaviour after the visit showed how deep the impact of the visit was for her, and when we couldn’t discuss it.
Access covers so many different circumstances that 'what works' will be vastly different for us all. So here are some things we’ve learned:
Align the venue or activity with your foster child's natural inclination. If they are physical, get outdoors. It sounds really obvious, but it's amazing how you can end up at a venue that suits no one. We spent several visits at a local council library. Birth Mum was completely at sea with the concept of interacting with her child through reading, Happy Camper was constrained by the environment (don't run, be quiet). As both Birth Mum and Happy Camper struggled to interact Social Worker took over, to role model for Birth Mum. She ended up playing with Happy Camper while Birth Mum came and sat with EssentialMum. We both wondered what access was all about.
Now we meet at a park, or a pool, with lots of space and activities that allow Happy Camper to let off steam, play quite exclusively with Birth Mum, come back to join us, sit and talk. Birth Mum also sees the real Happy Camper - the tears when something doesn't go right for her, and the courage that sees her climb to the top of the monkey bars. Birth Mum is scared of heights and it is a challenge for her to see her daughter standing so straight and tall and confidently at the top of the climbing frame. It's testing her perception of Happy Camper and helping her see the real little person.
We've seen an improvement in how Happy Camper deals with access as a result and the whole effect is much more natural.
So have a say. Offer your view to the social workers about access. You know the child best.
Posted by EssentialMum