The family circumstances may have changed, but often the adults cling ferociously to their rights and their status. It is behind many custody battles in the courts, and sometimes an objective reading of it shows clearly that the child is coming off worst.
Dealing with expectations is not uncommon in dealing with birth families.
So, access for a child in care is all about the child, right? You might go along, but you take a back seat. After all, they aren't related to you.
Some sound advice from a wise worker resonated with us. We think it can contribute to a child's wellbeing in any placement, long or short term. She talked about the importance of maintaining the relationship between foster family and birth family. That is, the adults in the relationship.
She said that foster and birth parents should connect in some way.
A child in care will handle birth family circumstances very differently, depending on their age, circumstances, history, personality, experience. It's not an easy issue to manage, but it's important.
We are in favour of contact with birth families – 100%.
There are many reasons why it is beneficial for a child to know their birth family. Here are some of them.
‘Who is my birth mum and/or my birth dad?’
Knowing my origins - It is very difficult for a child, particularly when they start to attend school and families are on the curriculum, to cope with a complete blank where a birth parent’s identity might be. As a carer you need an explanation that increases in detail as the child matures.
We're all for birth family contact. You'll find a number of posts on this blog stating that. The child needs to know his or her relatives. Reality is good. Much better than speculation or ignorance.
But it can be hard.
Sometimes it can trigger a reaction in your child in care that leaves you bemused. They don't understand it, you weren't there and can only guess at what the impact is. There is little meaningful information available from that time.
We've seen children regress post-access. They exhibit behaviours of the much younger child. They act out.
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